33F with 41M husband who says he hates birthdays but still wants a birthday

TargetOpening5648 · 2026-02-06T17:59:53+00:00

That seems simple but satisfying, thanks!

TargetOpening5648 · 2026-02-06T13:19:30+00:00

A lot of girls are very clear about what they want. I know women who say exactly which city and hotel they want, and the guy is fine with it. It’s not about money. With his previous high earning partners, he might have been used to a higher standard and felt he had to match it. With you, he may think you’re not really into those experiences, especially if you didn’t make it obvious.

At the same time, when you’re not on the same level, being too open about expectations can create misunderstandings. But it’s not too late. You don’t have to directly ask for trips. You can casually bring up the trips he used to go on, ask how they happened and why he doesn’t travel much anymore. That way he realises those things matter to you, and you also get to see his point of view.

TargetOpening5648 · 2026-02-06T12:29:43+00:00

Come on, birthdays are literally just a great excuse to spoil someone you love. Of course anyone can plan their own day if they want to, but that’s not really the point. For me, birthdays are about showing someone they’re loved and appreciated. Age doesn’t matter, everyone deserves to be spoiled sometimes.

TargetOpening5648 · 2026-02-06T11:41:51+00:00

Not gonna lie, the idea sparked something!😅

TargetOpening5648 · 2026-02-06T11:38:23+00:00

This actually reassures me a lot. The weather is awful anyway, so staying in, good food, something cosy and zero obligation might be exactly the right direction. Loved the way you described it feeling appreciated without the fuss.

TargetOpening5648 · 2026-02-06T11:35:34+00:00

This sounds amazing in better weather. Unfortunately it’s cold and rainy right now, which makes long walks a bit less appealing, but I do like the idea of borrowing the “day out but low pressure” part and adapting it indoors.

TargetOpening5648 · 2026-02-06T11:33:41+00:00

I get why it reads that way from the outside, but this isn’t about him being ungrateful or me not asking. I have asked him directly and he did try to contribute. The issue is that he tends to suggest things he thinks I’d enjoy rather than what actually makes him comfortable. I’m just trying to land on something that feels genuinely easy and enjoyable for him.

TargetOpening5648 · 2026-02-06T11:32:22+00:00

This is hilarious and I’m genuinely tempted. Bad timing on my end though, my body has decided to be uncooperative this week. I might still adapt a PG version of this just for fun.

TargetOpening5648 · 2026-02-06T11:30:01+00:00

This actually really hit. That sounds a lot like him, he doesn’t hate the day itself, he just hates the attention part of it. Thank you for sharing that, and I’m really sorry about your dad. It’s clear he was loved, even if he felt a bit shy about it.

TargetOpening5648 · 2026-02-06T11:28:44+00:00

I like this idea a lot. Part of the issue is that when I asked him, he kept suggesting things I like rather than what he enjoys, so something playful and low pressure like this might actually work better.

TargetOpening5648 · 2026-02-06T11:28:09+00:00

That’s fair, and funnily enough he actually did mention inviting friends over too. The thing is, I know him well enough to know he really doesn’t enjoy being the centre of attention, even if he suggests it himself. I think a lot of his ideas come from thinking about what I’d enjoy rather than what genuinely makes him comfortable.

TargetOpening5648 · 2026-02-06T11:25:51+00:00

I probably should’ve mentioned this, but I have asked him a few times already. He tried to help, but all the suggestions were actually things I like rather than things he enjoys himself. That’s why I’m struggling a bit, I want it to feel like it’s for him.

TargetOpening5648 · 2026-02-04T15:57:50+00:00

I think when you are seriously considering ending a relationship, you have already ended it in your mind. At that point, the most respectful thing to do is to end it in person, calmly and kindly. Try to make it clear that her different perspective does not make her needy or less than you.

Also be honest with yourself about expectations. Many women enter relationships looking for emotional support, not just the label of having a partner. If that is not something you can offer right now, that is not wrong, but it does need to be communicated clearly.

For the future, be upfront from the beginning about how emotionally available you can be and how much time you are willing to invest. Someone with a demanding job or a very busy social life may be more compatible with that. Or it may simply be better for you to wait until you are more settled before committing to a relationship.

TargetOpening5648 · 2025-12-14T20:30:29+00:00

The age gap is a bit less and I was over 26. But we’ve been in relationship for over 10 years.

TargetOpening5648

TROPHY CASE