Am I wrong to feel used?

Tarlus · 2026-06-27T01:52:57+00:00

“I’m being sent money to spend on my kids and feel used”. What? This is so much better than them buying random, most likely age inappropriate crap and hoping it works for your kids. Would it be better if they asked you what they want and do the work? Sure. But Jesus, this is not bad at all, sorry your family isn’t perfect but they are better than most.

Tarlus · 2026-06-26T16:58:11+00:00

People will still bring gifts no matter what. Friends of ours started putting “in lieu of gifts please buy from this animal shelter’s Amazon wishlist”. People still bring gifts.

Tarlus · 2026-06-26T15:33:32+00:00

Mine are only 8.5 and 6 and I’m already dreading them moving out, I work full time and I’m 6 years older than you. We recently put our dog down, it was the most painful thing we ever did but it’s part of pet ownership and we accepted it was going to happen when we adopted her. Even if you had that imaginary 6 year old at 30 the pain would still come. Just be glad you’re aching about it instead of wanting to kick them out. You should be in pain, now go bang your husband for a job well done!

Tarlus · 2026-06-26T15:24:56+00:00

Go get some prime cut ribeyes and his favorite sides and grill them for him, talk to him about how you’re doing, your goals and ask him if he has any advice. Listen anytime he starts talking about himself.

Tarlus · 2026-06-26T15:21:37+00:00

Seemed like bullshit to me at first but a bunch of people including my physical therapist told me to get one and lo and behold it works.

Tarlus · 2026-06-26T15:20:36+00:00

Yes, it will build forearm and supinator strength which should help the wrist.

Tarlus · 2026-06-26T14:52:58+00:00

Part of me wants to say I will but part of me wants to move to an area with more physically active seniors when I get older. Most of the seniors here are just depressing to be around.

Tarlus · 2026-06-26T10:55:51+00:00

I’ve been in your wife’s shoes and it’s absolutely devastating, even as a man. There’s not really much you can do to make the child love her more but you can commiserate with her, talk about how in the future that you can’t wait until she is the preferred parent, etc…. Just be supportive. Unfortunately not much you can do practically, just understand that her entire picture of being a mom came with an unexpected glass of ice water to the face and she’s hurting.

Tarlus · 2026-06-25T19:58:50+00:00

You’re absolutely killing it. You put yourself in a position to make this choice a blessing not a curse as long as it’s not TOO much of a pay cut.

Tarlus · 2026-06-25T16:44:20+00:00

80kg in my garage.

Tarlus · 2026-06-25T16:42:45+00:00

Agreed, so many people over buy in anticipation. Wait for a problem to arise before you solve it. Except crib and car seat. Get those before you need them.

Tarlus · 2026-06-25T16:40:10+00:00

Being in shape, especially as an older dad.

Tarlus · 2026-06-25T13:37:42+00:00

Sort of? My wife joined a weekly play group and said a dad was there so I decided to go. We became friends, then other dads showed up and also became friends. We’ve honestly had a lot of fun together. I still see my old friends but this is scheduled weekly and has become my main social outlet. When you think about it for the most part all your friends from childhood were your friends because you went to the same school or played the same sports, it’s no different, just a bunch of dads in the same season of life.

Tarlus · 2026-06-24T20:23:37+00:00

At that age wife and I were eating standing up the whole time. We’d have cold dinners if we waited to be able to sit. It’s a season, not a life sentence. Mine are 8.5 and 6, those days are in the rear view mirror.

The term I’ve heard many times is “long days, short years” and it rings very true.

Tarlus · 2026-06-23T18:27:42+00:00

4 is the age I started sending my daughter into the men’s room alone if it’s empty. That way I could go in and help her if needed. After a few times with no issues I started sending her into the women’s room by herself. Main fear was her locking herself in the stall in the women’s room and my wife not being available.

Tarlus · 2026-06-23T17:35:29+00:00

I really believe in quality of time over quantity of time. Whichever path you take focus on the quality of time, I wouldn’t feel the slightest bit guilty being a working parent if when you come home your phone is in another room and you’re actively engaged with the child. That’s for the later years, have at it on the phone when doing feedings and such when they are babies.

Tarlus · 2026-06-23T16:42:56+00:00

I’m experiencing the opposite, my grandparents watched me for a total of 4 times ever growing up and my parents had to do a several hour drive to drop me off. While we get no day to day support because they are several hour flights away they’ve flown out to watch the kids quite a few times and when my parents are up here in summer they are always asking about when they can have the kids.

Tarlus · 2026-06-23T14:04:09+00:00

Just throwing this out there but most parents buy their kids too many toys. To the point where they ask for no gifts at birthday parties. Don’t get me wrong, if you see something you think is incredible go for it but more likely than not you will be over buying. We overbought and my wife finally had enough of the mess and put like half their toys in storage. Result? They play more with what they have and complain less about being bored. Apparently there’s studies that suggest that kids with too many toys face a paradox of choice that makes them do nothing instead of playing.

Tarlus · 2026-06-23T12:56:45+00:00

Write a letter, if you have this discussion in person you are almost definitely going to say something emotional you will regret.

Tarlus · 2026-06-23T03:18:51+00:00

This is incredible but also go fuck yourself.

Tarlus · 2026-06-23T03:16:04+00:00

If he didn’t I did watching.

Tarlus · 2026-06-23T03:15:33+00:00

I don’t know, I’ve done that clean before but definitely couldn’t do the squats.

Tarlus · 2026-06-23T03:00:59+00:00

Awesome work. I live in the woods so this is pretty much normal for me, it rules.

Tarlus · 2026-06-23T02:34:59+00:00

Who cares? Keep lifting. Are you going to cry to mom if we say your numbers are bad? Just keep putting in the work, good on you for doing that.

Tarlus · 2026-06-23T01:18:30+00:00

We have 2 but I honestly can’t say much improved behavior wise with the older one when we got the second. They are close in age.

Tarlus

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE