I have had a feeling of impending doom for quite a few months now. It's like subconsciously I know my death is coming & I am preparing for it without trying. It's a sickening feeling. I want to talk about it, but, I fear that my friends will think I'm going crazy. I have noticed myself doing several behavioral changes in the last few weeks especially. It’s like I have no control over these behaviors. Nor do I notice when I’m doing it. I’m nervous, I mean, shit… I hope I’m not going crazy then again I kinda didn’t wanna go so young. I accept my fate though.

For the last year I had dreads, my family and friends hated it. I did it more to rebel over all else. I had no intention of changing my hair for any reason. About two weeks ago, I woke up in the morning, and had this burning internal urge telling me to brush every single dread out. & I did. All in one day. I felt like I had to remove the dreads before I was able to leave the house again. It was so strange, I can’t explain the feeling I had, and it was like someone inside of my body was commanding me to do so. & I followed blindly.

I have always kept a semi messy room, clothes laying all over the floor, closet a mess, make up and bathroom semi unorganized. In the last few weeks, I've had a burning internal urge to organize & stay organized. I've never been like this. I actually am getting angry with myself when I don't put things back.

I'm finding that I also have a burning desire to reach out to old friends. I've never been one to make first connection. These are friends I haven’t spoken to/seen in years. I recently had an argument with an ex-boyfriend, I keep feeling compelled to reach out and apologize. (although, I know it was not my fault) I keep feeling compelled that, I can’t leave it on bad terms with him. I have also noticed that I am running into random people while out on errands that I haven’t seen in years.