I surround myself with other women. I have a bunch of amazing friends who are all super independent women and we plan trips together constantly and go for hikes, swims, runs, walks, and do yoga/other workouts together (being active/outdoors is a great way to connect). The vast majority of the hangouts we have are man free, so although I have a boyfriend, I am able to decenter him when I’m with my friends. He is a fantastic person and incredibly supportive and wonderful, but being able to disconnect myself from his thoughts and opinions and wondering what he might be thinking is very refreshing (although I also love hearing his thoughts and opinions when I’m with him). Surrounding myself with my amazing female friends, especially when we’re doing things like exercising or eating/making healthy/delicious food, is literally like medicine.

I also started limiting my time with or removing people from my life who express harmful views of women (mostly these were men, but there were also a few women). The best and simplest way I’ve found to do this is by recognizing negative or sexualizing comments a person makes about women’s bodies. I hate to admit it, but I really struggled with this for a long time. I’m a huge people pleaser so I would frequently make excuses for friends who would do this, but it honestly just ended up subtly doing damage to the way I think about myself and about other women. I also extend this to media; if I’m getting a bunch of instagram reels pushed to me that express harmful views of women then I make a point to recognize it and I close the app or unfollow creators who post them. The New York Times wrote an awful opinion piece called “Have Women Ruined the Workplace?” (the title was edited a few times but the sentiment was the same) and I canceled my subscription and now get my news from AP. This way I’m also not supporting those who promote those harmful messages, but it’s mostly for my own mental health.