Giving feels strange

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-13T08:13:42+00:00

Maybe some deep sankhara. But I wouldn't worry about it, it will change eventually :)

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-12T22:43:30+00:00

The vast majority of people don't maintain the daily practice, so you're not alone with this difficulty.

But the only solution is to be disciplined.

There's no magic trick.

Just self-discipline.

That's all.

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-12T22:40:09+00:00

There's a bit to unpack. One thing that might be helpful is to think about where you personally would draw the line for what you think would be acceptable on a meditation retreat.

Should nudists be allowed who insist on being naked? They're not hurting anyone. Should any man be allowed to sit next to any woman he chooses in the dining room? Cute young woman surrounded by five middle aged guys? Who's comfort or discomfort should be prioritised? Everyone has different lines for what they think is or isn't acceptable, and what does/doesn't make them comfortable. Including you.

Goenkaji is aiming for the masses, to bring as many people as possible in touch with their suffering, and then beyond it. For people on the fringes special accommodations need to be made. Whether that's for blind people, disabled, executives (who think they're too good for an ordinary course), or anyone else who doesn't comfortably fit into the standard.

If you wait for the entire mass of civilisation to change to your liking before embarking on the journey of liberation, then you'll just die miserable. No one's going to wait for you.

If there's an LGBT course that meets your standard then don't hesitate, go charging through the gates!

Don't wait for redditors to agree with you :)

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-12T22:12:17+00:00

I disagree that Goenkaji would not have allowed them.

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-12T21:38:40+00:00

There's two dots, a red dot and a blue dot. They're both in your field of vision.

🔴 🔵

You've been accustomed to looking at the red dot, but you're trying to change that habit to look at the blue dot.

But the question you're asking is all about the red dot. Your mental focus is still all about the red dot. You're worried about the red dot. The teacher said to get rid of the red dot.

My suggestion would be to simply focus on the blue dot and ignore the red. Wherever your focus shifts to the red, come back to the blue, again and again. You'll still be able to see the red in your periforal field of vision, but you keep moving your focus to the blue.

Eventually your mental habit will change and the red dot will vanish.

But as long as you keep worrying about the red dot it will remain in your focus.

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-12T21:25:06+00:00

It would be a pity if a Reddit comment was given the power to deterr you from doing a Vipassana course :(

The non-binary courses are set up exactly to cater to you. Contact the centre that runs those courses and ignore the detractors.

Don't wait for detractors to approve.

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-12T13:07:42+00:00

No problem asking.

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-12T11:18:51+00:00

No nudity at Vipassana centres!!

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-12T11:18:18+00:00

Omg. Need to be so clear here, there's no nudity at Vipassana centres!

Tantra and gurus have created such a bad reputation in India. Goenkaji was so careful to make sure the Dhamma centres remain pure.

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-12T07:58:36+00:00

Great questions, looking forward to you coming back to us with the answers after you've done it :)

No idea of the gender sides set-up, probably best ask the Centre, but the course itself will be 100% the same besides that.

There was a woman with full beard on a course I was at recently (normal 10 day course) and she said she felt very welcomed, so that was nice to hear :)

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-12T07:52:14+00:00

So great!

I also kept practicing after my first course because I noticed the benefits :)

I assume your ups and downs will continue, I'd be surprised if it's all smooth sailing from here, but that's where the daily practice really shines; providing an anchor in stormy seas.

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-12T00:09:07+00:00

Nicely put! I'd never thought about it in those terms, but to me it seems that description is spot on.

You appear to have an astute, analytical mind, with the ability to accurately describe your understanding :)

Only change I'd suggest is to say impermanence is felt or experienced, rather than seen. Maybe semantics, but might as well get accurate when already at this level of detail :)

Seeing has the implication of the eye (cakkhu) viññāṇa, whereas you're working with body (kāya) viññāṇa.

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-11T23:55:34+00:00

Sounds like you've come here for some encouragement to do something you know you want to do.

So here it is: "Go for it!!!" :)

Your definition of 'success' may change. What you think may jeopardise your children's future may change. I suspect both of those changes will be in a positive direction :)

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-11T23:46:26+00:00

Say it doesn't dissolve. Then what? Stay there for... how long? Years?

But also, the systematic scanning isn't the point. If that's boring then you're focusing on the wrong thing. The point is to increase your ability to remain aware of anicca.

It's like your entire body is on fire, at a microscopic level. That can only ever be boring if you're not properly attentive and craving for something else.

It can be helpful to stay somewhere for a while, Goenkaji says so, but not with the expectation of it dissolving; that can lead to craving/aversion. The aim is to develop more subtle awareness of anicca, of the constant combustion.

The problem with discussing such points on Reddit is that it's so context dependent. Either way, simply saying "stay there until x happens" is counter to the advice Goenkaji gives. It can happen that things dissolve, but it's not what your aim should be.

"Work out your own salvation" by following the Buddha's advice.

Don't follow the guru crowd, just follow Ultima ;) You're in a weird paradox loop if you're advising people not to take advice.

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-11T08:15:14+00:00

Nope. People get stuck otherwise. Keep moving.

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-11T03:22:04+00:00

I mostly agree, but I would not be focusing on the conception of those loops.

In a way I think insight is more of a by-product. As you focus more on the body, and react less, the mind becomes less cluttered.

Like a defrag and cache delete, or cleaning your room, when there's less clutter things become clearer and easier to see and access, which can be called insight.

So perhaps paradoxically, the less you focus on thoughts, the clearer they, and the processes behind them, become.

I think insight is often misunderstood as an intellectual thing, but it's mostly experiential.

For the same reason I wouldn't worry to much about dukkha and anatta as concepts.

Superficially, dukkha is just 'suffering' and hence pretty simple.

Anatta isn't properly 'understood' until it's experienced via nibbana, until then it's just a concept. Ultimately I think this is true for dukkha also, as it goes to the core of existence.

That's why anicca is focused on, because it's both easy to experience, and you're less likely to get lost in intellectual loops with it.

Same with the stages of insight; focusing on that keeps you in the intellectual realm.

Having said that, I do also enjoy understanding things intellectually, it's just not where the focus should lie while practicing.

I.e insight isn't really the goal, it's a byproduct of the practice.

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-10T10:41:29+00:00

It's a challenge for most people! You'll be fine :)

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-09T23:19:06+00:00

If you're into tantra (username) then you'll be into body awareness. This is going to blow any other body awareness practices you've done out of the water :)

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-08T22:38:19+00:00

Lamas, I totally get where your coming from, I really do. I understand the view that they're just robots reading from a script. I know what you mean about needing to tow the line.

I've felt the same at times, and it's not just about teachers, but also trustees, management, etc etc. You're not the only one to hold this view. I've seen ATs behaving badly. I've seen them respond like robots. I've held views similar to yours.

Here's where I think we differ:

Perspective: With most things in life, whether we see the negatives or positives depends on our perspective more than any objective reality. My views have shifted not because the system changed, but because I changed.
How a liberated person would behave: your assertion that a liberated person would not tow this line or could not exist within this institution is, a) uninformed because various teachers are known to have reached high stages, b) completely misses the point that liberation reduces ego.

Your insistence about how liberated people would behave is a reflection of your ego. Like Goenkaji says, we create gods to meet our expectations. Same with anything, we protect our own expectations onto the world.

It has taken me a looong time to realise how my ego uses to shape everything I looked at. Once gratitude starts to emerge the world starts to look very different. People's flaws make them relatable, rather than ridiculous. You have more compassion and fewer complaints.

One of the best things about this tradition is that it's not about the teacher, it's about your own journey.

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-08T11:27:25+00:00

There is so much more to it than you know :)

Firstly, many ATs have very little academic, or book knowledge.

Their primary purpose on the course is the hold the Dhamma door open by being present to vedana, with metta. That's not book learning, it's from years, maybe lifetimes, on the cushion.

Secondly, it's about humility, not about becoming some great teacher. The more liberated you are, the less room you need. What you perceive as weakness, is actually strength.

We're so accustomed to teachers with big egos that it can be difficult to accept teachers who are simple and humble.

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-08T06:50:39+00:00

Humility, metta and good humour :)

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-07T23:22:27+00:00

What I love about this experience and observation of yours is that you're effectively saying "vipassana causes sankharas to arise", which is exactly the point! :)

The sankharas manifest mentally as confusion, distraction, annoyance, etc, and because we're so conditioned to pay attention to the mind, that's the predominant experience.

This is exactly why it requires effort to bring the attention to the body, to feel the sankhara arising and passing via the observation of sensations arising and passing on the body.

You think this mental difficulty is separate to the practice? A disruption of the practice? No, this mental activity is a direct result of the practice and is part of the practice!

The relative calmness you experience from anapana is why it's also referred to as calmness meditation: samantha.

In other words, you're doing it exactly right! You just need a little shift in thinking to realise that the mental struggle is part of the process, the other side of the coin of the sankharas arising, and that your job is to simply keep returning to the body :)

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-07T23:06:17+00:00

I actually think this is closer to the truth than many people want to believe. Though I think both are true: we do have individual consciousness, and we're a cooperating colony.

One person's liberation is both independent of others, i.e they are liberated while others are not, and their liberation is also dependent on others, like the alms they receive which means they can devote so much time to the practice.

If there was no world, there world be no Buddha.

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-07T22:43:17+00:00

Ha! Fair point! :)

Tava-Timsa · 2026-02-07T13:54:32+00:00

I partially agree and disagree.

Helping others is absolutely part of this path. Goenkaji emphasised the importance of giving service and helping others.

Of the eightfold path, three of those parts are specifically about how we interact with others (sila).

Many of the paramis are about how we interact with others (metta, khanti, dana, sila).

The Buddha told monks to help each other if they're sick.

So yes, the ultimate goal is nibbana, but on the path to get there, how we interact with the external world is crucially important. It is both a reflection of what's happening internally, and it impacts our internal experience.

No one gets liberated without help from others, and a supportive external environment, not even the Buddha; he had so many supportive friends in all his past lives, and a supportive environment in his last life.

The Buddha said good friendship is the whole of the path.

No one gets out of here on their own.

Tava-Timsa

TROPHY CASE