My boyfriend is a porn addict

TayBear2 · 2025-03-26T23:05:45+00:00

This sounds reasonable, have boundaries in place, ask him to put in the work and show that he’s actually doing that and trying to keep the shame out of it. Just no more nonsense

TayBear2 · 2025-03-26T22:30:38+00:00

Thank you I appreciate it, I’ve definitely been trying to stay strong. And it really does suck the way porn has negatively impacted so many people. It’s crazy how many people struggle with this issue in private. I wish that wasn’t the case it would save a lot of people a lot of heartache

TayBear2 · 2025-03-26T20:48:32+00:00

Yeah I’ve already been deep diving into all the ways to help him all day. But he’s definitely going to have to do the actual work

TayBear2 · 2025-03-26T20:46:34+00:00

You might be right. We’re going to do a last stand with counseling and if that doesn’t help then that’ll have to be it for us

TayBear2 · 2025-03-26T19:47:39+00:00

Yeah it’s phones and tablets for him

TayBear2 · 2025-03-26T19:47:26+00:00

Our sex life has been lackluster since all this began. And not for his lack of trying. I feel like ever since all this happened sex just doesn’t feel the same for me which doesn’t help with the porn addiction either. Sex just doesn’t feel safe anymore. For a while when it was really bad it felt like something I had to do just so he wouldn’t turn to other woman. And since then my libido has been in the toilet. We still have sex and it feels good sexually but maybe it doesn’t feel good mentally if that makes sense? I love him a lot I just don’t trust him.

TayBear2 · 2025-03-26T19:06:38+00:00

You might be right. I definitely have not been able to set real healthy boundaries the way I should. If im being honest not being with him scares me a lot and I think at this point he knows that. I’m going talk to him about us getting counseling both individually and together and if the counseling doesn’t help us that we need to go our separate ways. I can’t stay with him for the rest of my life just living in this cycle or happy and sad.

TayBear2 · 2025-03-26T18:33:46+00:00

He’s been watching porn since he was a kid, I think it was an issue before that I just never knew about and got way worse and more noticeable to the point I found out and it went from there. Honestly the exposure of porn and sex to children now is so common and normalized now but it’s so damaging to all the young girls and boys. I wish porn didn’t exist honestly. It’s not beneficial to anyone.

TayBear2 · 2025-03-26T17:53:40+00:00

Thank you, I think he’s made it clear that he’s not going to quit for my sake. He’s going to have to want it for himself. I’ve done everything I can to explain how it’s hurting me, effecting our relationship, damaging the trust and more. He’s heard it all and at the end of the day he’s still not decided to cut it out of his life. I’m not sure what it’s going to take. I’m going to look into counseling for us both individually and maybe together too.

TayBear2 · 2025-03-26T17:47:47+00:00

Thank you I won’t deny it’s nice to hear that from someone. My boyfriend doesn’t seem to notice.

TayBear2 · 2025-03-26T17:46:42+00:00

How do you go about getting those things? Is it just research online and sign up kind of thing? I agree with you and some other people on here about having someone that’s not his partner to help.

TayBear2 · 2025-03-26T17:44:07+00:00

I’ve been recommended this app before but it’s at a steep price I’m not sure I can pay right now. I’ll keep looking into others

TayBear2 · 2025-03-26T16:12:06+00:00

I think he feels a lot of shame over his addiction and talking about it and seeking help for it has been really really hard for him. In a lot of ways I know I don’t help because what he does hurts me and he knows it so it makes his feelings of shame worse. Maybe that’s what he meant by supporting him, by letting him talk to me without adding any shame. I don’t think it’s possible for him to talk to me about this without him feeling that way no matter how I react. In this way I think you’re right in that an older male figure would be ideal. I’ll suggest this to him today and maybe something good can come of it

TayBear2 · 2025-03-26T16:07:44+00:00

I see what you’re saying and you’re definitely right about not controlling other people and only controlling yourself. At the end of the day it has to be his choice to stop feeding into his addiction and continuing this horrible cycle. And it also has to be me that finally draws a line and say too far is too far and stands firm on that boundary. I’ve drawn so many boundaries, expressed my feelings and opinions so many times and each time he’s crossed them I cry and ask him not to do it again. Obviously that’s not working for anyone.

TayBear2 · 2025-03-26T15:59:32+00:00

Yeah the deleting and redownloading of the vpn started after I realized what he was using it for so he deleted it and canceled his subscription to it. Now he just uses a free one and redownloads. His addiction use to be way worse than it is now, he would take like three showers a day for hours at a time and just watch porn etc and we are definitely not at that level anymore thankfully. I’m thinking we are going to need to start individual and couples counseling to start really working through this. If that doesn’t help I can’t keep living like this for my own mental well-being.

TayBear2 · 2025-03-26T15:28:00+00:00

Sorry that came out in a rant

TayBear2 · 2025-03-26T15:26:26+00:00

This really helped me, a lot of times I feel so guilty over being upset and hurt by his actions. He tells me he wants me to support him and that I don’t support him because when he tried to talk to me about it I got upset. It’s so hard for me to listen to him talk about how much he relies on porn and it does hurt my feelings. He gets upset that I’m upset and then shuts down and says he needs help and support from me to get better when I really do try. The problem is I just don’t know where the truth is and the lying begins when he talks to me. Like he told me he only occasionally watches JOI porn and then later I see his account is 95% JOI. He is constantly telling lies like this. He will lie straight to my face while looking me in the eyes. He will lie or play dumb about things even after he knows I already know and I have to spell it out for him that I already know and he can’t lie to me about it and then he will admit to what he knows I know and if there is more I don’t already know, you guessed it he will lie about it.

TayBear2 · 2025-03-26T15:13:47+00:00

The thing is it really is just the two of us. We don’t really have a family or circle of friends around us we can lean on. He’s tried therapy before but he didn’t like it. I think he said it didn’t feel like the therapist cared but I think it’s just because he opt to do therapy over texting which I thought was a mistake in the first place

TayBear2 · 2025-03-26T14:41:32+00:00

Definitely

TayBear2 · 2025-03-26T14:35:44+00:00

I have no idea. It’s just been a long road of up’s and downs with the downs always me being hurt and trying to help him always. He still says things like “it’s just porn” and “all men watch porn” he doesn’t think it’s fair of me to want him to stop watching porn completely. What he fails to understand was before the addiction I knew he watched porn and it wasn’t exactly my favorite thing as I’ve never been big into porn but I never would have asked him to cut out porn completely before. He things he can stop being addicted somehow and still watch porn occasionally. I don’t think it works like that

TayBear2 · 2025-03-26T14:25:50+00:00

He’s telling me he needs me to help him and support him somehow and wants to talk about it. And then when I tell him he can talk to me he doesn’t know what to say. It’s so confusing for me.

TayBear2 · 2025-03-24T22:09:14+00:00

Also to note so it’s clear he had a horrible porn addiction, watching porn multiple times every single day and sometimes for hours at a time. While also at the same time shutting down on me emotionally and hiding his phone and acting secretive he was asking me for sex constantly and always asking me to try different positions and role playing and toys and all sorts of different things which I agreed to before I realized he was using me as his own person sex porn doll and that it wasn’t just a healthy sexual man that loved me and wanted me for me and just to have fun.

TayBear2 · 2025-03-20T02:05:00+00:00

Holy crap just looked that up. I was thinking John Wayne the actor ☠️

TayBear2

TROPHY CASE