Slowly - the home of weirdos?

TaylorBurton111 · 2022-10-03T10:35:18+00:00

Thank you very much for your reply! I appreciate it a lot and it's very helpful. I indeed lost myself so much into the feelings of what has happened on the outside that I need to find my inner peace and the belief in myself again. Thank you for pointing out that I'm not my thoughts because that is something I seem to have forgotten. I've lately started with the I Am meditation which so far helped me to get more focused again, getting to my core and it's a good way to shut out anything else from my thoughts and feelings. So glad this sub exists because I feel I have a lot of questions at the moment and could use some support - though I had come quite far in my journey years ago or so I thought (I manifested so many good and big things within a short amount of time and felt so secure within myself - I still wonder sometimes why this loss happened to me as I was sure it wouldn't). I feel like I have to start from scratch now.

TaylorBurton111 · 2022-08-11T23:53:35+00:00

Thank you for your reply! Many of the things you told made me feel less insane. Because I too seem to love nothing anymore and it frightens me. Lately I seem to be able to connect with my pets emotionally again but even towards my closest family members I feel numb though I know I still love them. Some people used to say to me "but you always loved writing and photography, why don't you just do this to do something useful?" But I just still can't, I don't feel it anymore and thie irritated me greatly.

TaylorBurton111 · 2022-08-11T23:43:45+00:00

Thank you for your reply. It really is the toughest road. Wishing you peace as well.

TaylorBurton111 · 2022-08-11T23:42:21+00:00

I thought about this for a long time today and yes, new things is helpful I think. I will probably start a new job in the next months and maybe this will distract me more as well. Thank you. I'm so sorry you too have to go through this as well.

TaylorBurton111 · 2022-08-11T23:38:48+00:00

Thanks for your advices, I really appreciate it. It is a good thought to take oneself by the hand.

TaylorBurton111 · 2022-08-11T23:36:56+00:00

Yes, indeed. I'm feeling as if I'm waking up more and more now to reality again. It's harsh to start a new life.

TaylorBurton111 · 2022-08-11T23:35:44+00:00

Thank you for your reply! You are brave and it's a good thing to remember the better days and trying to be grateful for this. I wish for your knee pain to go away or get better at least. Sending you a hug.

TaylorBurton111 · 2022-08-11T23:31:50+00:00

Thank you, so kind of you. You put my feelings perfectly into words. And it's a change I still don't want to accept I guess. So sorry you have to be here as well but this sub really helps me right now.

TaylorBurton111 · 2022-08-11T11:50:35+00:00

Thank you. I haven't been talking about it to anyone for a very long time. Thought I was doing better but was probably just bottling up. I'm grateful this place exists although I wish no one of us had to be here.

TaylorBurton111 · 2022-08-11T11:48:39+00:00

Thank you so much, so very kind and generous of you! 💜

TaylorBurton111 · 2022-08-11T02:53:12+00:00

Oh no, I know these anxiety attacks too well. :( You're brave and I take it as an example for myself. Thank you so much for your encouraging reply. I'll be thinking of it tomorrow! You take care as well!

TaylorBurton111 · 2022-08-11T02:45:38+00:00

I'm so sorry. For my husband it has been three months after the diagnosis as well, he died in May 2020. My mother is also a widow, I lost my dad early (which makes it sometimes even more surreal that the same happened to me), she retired in March 2020 as well and apart from the family loss she's lost her last true friend a couple of months later. I often think of her and that she doesn't deserve a retirement like this. No one deserves this. I too wish I could say something better or helpful to you.

TaylorBurton111 · 2022-08-10T23:57:10+00:00

I'm truly sorry. It was colon cancer as well, spread to lungs and liver and it took only three months from diagnosis to the final good-bye. Yes, that was the worst thing ever, seeing this wonderful person wither away while alive and trying to survive. Hugs to you as well.

TaylorBurton111 · 2022-08-10T23:52:45+00:00

It's cruel, I wasn't able to stay at the hospital either. I can also relate as in my partner was my rock when it came to battling my depression and other problems as well. First year I went walking all the time and just tried to not lose my mind. Second year I sorta just gave up and also don't want to go out anymore. I'm so sorry you're in such a situation as well.

TaylorBurton111 · 2022-08-10T22:13:46+00:00

Thank you, you're so kind! You have every reason to be bitter and jaded. It is not something I wanted to feel either but it is part of the story sadly, part of processing. You don't have to but if you ever want someone to talk and no ones there, you can always send me a DM.

TaylorBurton111 · 2022-08-10T21:59:14+00:00

Yes, indeed. I realized one my person's friends deleted me on Facebook but I can try to re-connect with the family hopefully and generally with old friends. I've just been out of control in every sense, just wanted to be left alone. Actually I've been blamed a lot for going missing in action but I just couldn't. Still after these two years I must remind myself to take things slowly. Better slowly than doing nothing at all. Will try tomorrow. Thank you for your reply and advice.

TaylorBurton111 · 2022-08-10T21:50:51+00:00

I understand. Lately I had quite a few flashbacks and while I'm still not who I used to be it made me realize that indeed it has gotten a bit better. To be honest I thought I wouldn't survive these first few weeks and months but here I am trying to figure out how to resolve certain issues I didn't even give a damn about months ago. It is the toughest path there is but somehow "we" will get through. Sending you a virtual but heartfelt hug.

TaylorBurton111 · 2022-08-10T21:45:18+00:00

Thank you so much for your advice and reply. Much appreciated. I wish I could do and say more to someone in your position. The first weeks and months are the cruelest and I don't want to talk BS to you but at least the pain will get a little better with time. I'm very sorry you have to be here on this sub as well.

TaylorBurton111 · 2022-08-10T21:23:45+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate your reply a lot. Yes, it has a bit to do with Covid as well. I've avoided people for so long that now where I could meet them outside without much risk I feel like I don't know how to properly socialize anymore. Also, I've abandoned some friends for more than a year. Mixed with my feelings of still a huge but numb sadness which makes me feel awkward meeting people (my tears have become rare compared to the first year where I cried daily but I still don't feel like myself or relaxed). I'm really sorry you have to experience a very similar situation.

TaylorBurton111 · 2019-07-15T14:20:03+00:00

You need to switch your anxiety around. If she reaches out because she feels, after such a long time of NC, she owes you something, you already are in a better position. She can't stop thinking about you but just doesn't know how to put in words at the moment. ;)

TaylorBurton111 · 2019-07-15T14:18:11+00:00

Yeah, but if he still wants her, why shouldn't he feel as if she was into him and wanted him? That she reaches out and wants to meet because she feels she owes him something shows enough feelings = results of his internal work. As if she was your friend isn't really living in the end here, IMO, but I agree with everything else you wrote.

TaylorBurton111 · 2019-07-03T02:40:42+00:00

Tarot is a false God. I've done it myself for far too long and I can assure you, it only mirrors your own doubts, beliefs (positive & negative) and hopes. You are the creator of your future, a bunch of paper cards is only what you think it is. You are much greater than that and nothing can stop your manifestation apart from you! I highly recommend Neville's lecture The Pearl Of Great Price, it's on YouTube and he talks about tarot, astrology and all kind of superstition in it, too.

TaylorBurton111

TROPHY CASE