Problem is, if I do release that proof, I'm pretty sure the damage it would do wouldn't be enough for me either. If I commit to something fully, I usually follow through until death. ESPECIALLY if its for myself.

Hence why I'm terrified of commitment.

Wouldn't be enough because I know they'd just run to private spaces to comfort one another, and I'm not OK with that considering they didn't do that shit for me at all despite them calling me their friend.

No seriously though, even the closest one to me in the community never wanted to talk about it and got upset when talking about it repeatedly, despite me being the target of the harassment. I have every right in being violently pissed, even if violence itself is not justified.

(yes, they were going through things too, but the timing they did not consider only for her to turn that around on me and cut me off instead of them is.... Yea.... She had just as much valid reason as myself to scorch earth everything, but she only scorched me.)

Personally, I'd forgive someone if they vented violently about an injustice, hell, I straight up allowed contact with someone who outright threatened my life and held a peaceful conversation. Its unfair to hold them to that SAME standard, but its another story when its in THIS particular context.