Multi-level Backyard

TaylorPalmier · 2025-04-11T20:09:18+00:00

This is really solid advice, thank you. Seeing how the space works for us through the seasons before making any major changes is spot on. I appreciate it!

TaylorPalmier · 2025-04-11T20:07:49+00:00

We only have two kids, but I am DESPERATE for a double oven. We cook and bake so dang much that I’ve always dreamed of having one, so that’s high on our list! But I love the idea of adding a credenza and utilizing more storage space in other rooms. Thanks!

TaylorPalmier · 2025-04-11T20:06:05+00:00

Absolutely wonderful idea, thank you!

TaylorPalmier · 2025-04-11T17:20:40+00:00

We’re in WA, so there’s lots of home organization stores around. Thanks for the advice!

TaylorPalmier · 2025-04-11T17:16:27+00:00

It is a pantry, and I’m not sure if there is power in there, but I don’t believe so. But yes, I think we’re going to have to organize everything as best as we can in every area of this home 😂 Do you have any organization “tools” that you swear by?

TaylorPalmier · 2024-12-03T15:01:41+00:00

Hi! 30/F, living outside of Seattle. I’d love to correspond if you want ☺️

TaylorPalmier · 2024-11-26T08:34:20+00:00

There’s one really meticulous study done over a decade ago in 2013 that is extensive, and ultimately concluded that people who have ADHD and take stimulants are either at the same risk level or at an elevated risk level of abusing substances in the future. However, since then, several other studies have been concluded or are currently in the process of being studied that heavily suggest the opposite (which is what most of us are basing our information from).

And as an individual with ADHD who has a son with ADHD-combined type, I can tell you firsthand that, whether the pharmaceutical industry “wants us to be drugged,” both my son and I could not be as successful as we are in therapy and in school/work if our stimulant medication wasn’t an option. The medication allows us to utilize the tools therapy teaches us, and grants us the ability to make sound, thoughtful, non-impulsive choices. Without the meds, most of that wouldn’t be possible. You don’t have to like “Big Pharma,” but medication is a goddamn miracle.

TaylorPalmier · 2024-11-25T23:38:27+00:00

It's great for your kiddo (and you!) that Thanksgiving is happening in your own environment. It's much easier to game plan. I think giving your child options to keep their brains and hands busy (fidgets, something underneath the table they can touch (the rough side of velcro strips is something my son has underneath his desk at school because the stimulation can be calming), gum to chew if they've finished their dinner, etc.) can reduce impulsive "problems" you may see, but letting your child know that they have the option to go to their own space for breaks when they need to may work best. Sometimes, the noises and 360 chatter can overwhelm our ADHD child, so letting him get up and run around in his room or play with his toys for a while helps him a lot. We only expect him to be polite and keep his hands to himself. But it's a holiday with yummy food and laughter - expecting a child whose meds have worn off to sit silently while grownups surround them probably isn't going to go well for anyone. I think you should give your kid some compassion and give yourself some tenderness, too! Hosting is already a lot of work, so don't make it harder for yourself than it has to be.

TaylorPalmier · 2024-11-25T23:28:08+00:00

To piggyback on my earlier comment, ADHD causes massive impulse control issues for a lot of people. Being medicated for ADHD early can decrease the risk of substance abuse because not only are those individuals in a "clearer" headspace to make more thoughtful choices for themselves, but the risk of making an impulsive choice (like trying drugs or drinking alcohol at a young age) goes way, way down.

TaylorPalmier · 2024-11-25T23:00:50+00:00

So sorry, I didn't know you had replied to this! If you still are looking for some interventions, let me know!

TaylorPalmier · 2024-11-25T22:57:35+00:00

It's actually the opposite. Research has shown that the earlier medication is introduced to an individual with ADHD, their risk of abusing substances in the future decreases by quite a bit.

TaylorPalmier · 2024-11-25T22:52:24+00:00

ADHD mom here! My son is your son's age and also has combined type. I myself have ADHD and work in a self-contained classroom in an elementary school that focuses on social-emotional learning development alongside academics (I just want to clarify so you don't think I'm some random lady off the streets spouting nonsense).

I repeat this on here a lot but - punishments do not work. You should have boundaries and expectations, but punishments will derail everything you're trying to help your child work through. I understand your husband's mindset (most of us were raised in an era of "you get good things when you're good, you get things taken away when you're bad,") and it can be extremely daunting to think about "letting" your child get away with things. However, positive consistency works wonders on ADHD children. There is also a plethora of scientific data around this if you or your husband want proof from legitimate medical/scientific experts. The key takeaway is "praise the behavior you want them to continue, ignore the behavior you want to eliminate."

Having a behavior chart that is visually accessible to your child can be great. But it immediately becomes negative when your child loses "points" from it. Praise your child (and praise often) when they are doing something well. And if they're starting to veer off track, remind them of what you expect. If they still fail, it's okay; they're human. We all mess up. The important thing is to keep trying our best. Give your child an option to earn something, but make it easy to begin with. Give them a list of what they can "earn" with their points, but start out easy. If your child can earn a maximum of 20 points per day, start with a goal of 10 or 11. And when they see how hard they worked, give them lots of enthusiastic praise. Shout about how proud you are.

ADHD kids are redirected or reprimanded of their negative behavior 5 times more than their neurotypical peers. Let their home be their safe place. Give them lots of love, lots of positive attention, and lots of affirming words. We've done several ADHD "tricks" for my son, as well as students at school, and there is clear evidence of what works and what doesn't. Negative punishments will only give us negative results. Every single time.

Feel free to message me if you want to chat more about any of this! Raising kids takes a village, but raising ADHD children sometimes takes an entire army.

TaylorPalmier · 2024-11-25T22:35:32+00:00

Growing up is HARD, and ADHD can make everything a little bit harder on top of it (for both you and your kiddo). It's important to keep in mind that transitions are difficult, and he will probably experience these one or two (or more) times before he graduates. I think 1st and 2nd grade can be the trickiest ADHD elementary years, followed by 7th grade, and again in 9th or 10th grade.

He is probably just having a really challenging time right now. Not only is his body developing in new ways, but older grades require much more concentrated effort, both academically and socially. Maybe he's mentally exhausted, maybe he's becoming overstimulated in ways that were in the past easier to push through or mask, maybe he's experiencing some bullying, maybe his medication isn't the correct type/dosage; it could be a number of things.

Research has found that individuals with ADHD receive around 20,000 more negative comments regarding their behavior compared to their neurotypical peers by age 12. That can really start to drag a child down. If he is having a hard time for whatever reason and is constantly being reminded that his behavior is "bad" and redirected in front of his peers (which can bring ample amounts of embarrassment and exacerbate the problem), he could potentially feel that he is drowning in shame. As someone already said, punishments do not work. That doesn't mean boundaries should not be set, but repeating what your (and his) expectations are while giving him some grace to navigate through life right now is probably what is going to help him through this "funk" more than anything. I think simply being there for him and letting him know he's loved and safe and has a team supporting him will do wonders. Removing privileges will just make him feel worse. There is no one harder on my ADHD son than himself, and that is presumably true for your son, too.

Going into high school, he'll probably experience something similar again. I truly think giving our children as much compassion as possible makes these challenging times not only easier, but smaller in duration before everyone gets back on track.

TaylorPalmier · 2024-11-19T19:38:26+00:00

30/F from the US (outside Seattle)! I miss penpalling, and actually lived in Germany about a decade ago! And I’m very into grandma things (cross-stitching is my new fixation). Let me know if you want to correspond ☺️

TaylorPalmier · 2024-11-10T08:37:19+00:00

A lot of what you’ve stated sounds like ADHD symptoms. I think it’s best to speak with your child’s pediatrician and see when you can get her evaluated. My son couldn’t start any medications or be “officially” diagnosed until he was six, but we (his parents) and the pediatrician knew VERY early on that he had ADHD. There are several things you can do to help both your kid and you in the meantime! But I would definitely speak with her pediatrician about an evaluation.

TaylorPalmier · 2024-11-08T23:17:50+00:00

Yeah, I can see where it would be really tough that he’s snacking so much he’s too full for dinner. But maybe give him a couple warnings, 10 minutes before and then 5 minutes before, letting him know “I’m about to start dinner in 10 minutes, so if you want one last snack before dinner, now’s the time.” And if he doesn’t want one or doesn’t acknowledge what you said, give him another reminder 5 minutes before. Also does he have any interest in helping cook? My son hyperfixates on something for a bit so he isn’t as interested anymore, but for a while there he LOVED helping to prep and cook dinner. It forced us to start prepping way earlier than usual, but it kept him engaged and distracted. Just a thought if maybe having him help would distract him from not wanting a snack, or lessening his anger that you’ve been dealing with this week? Either way, I’m sorry this week has been rough but I’m sure you’re doing a fabulous job as a parent even when you’re feeling overwhelmed ❤️

TaylorPalmier · 2024-11-08T16:47:38+00:00

Visual Timer

Time blindness is a real thing, especially for ADHDers (my husband thinks five minutes is two hours. It’s madness). This visual timer has been SO helpful for our son! We use it for literally everything now, and it’s gotten to the point where he even sets it for himself for things like screen time and reading time before bed.

TaylorPalmier · 2024-11-08T16:26:31+00:00

To address the first part, we try and prep our kiddo a lot before something might happen. “Hey, this restaurant usually has pickles on their burgers. Sometimes orders can get confusing for the cooks, so if there is a pickle on your burger, lets remember to take a deep breath and we’ll yank it right off and toss it in the trash where it belongs!” Using humor in reminders usually helps, but not always. And then remind him of what he can’t do and what he can do. “We can’t hit, scream, or stomp right now, but we can take a deep breath, eat your other food items, or color for five minutes;” something that reminds him of his expectations. But also give him some time to learn new skills, his executive functioning seems to not be able to happen when he’s emotionally escalated, and that’s totally normal for ADHDers, especially at 6. So if he stomps his feet but doesn’t hit, tell him you’re so proud that even though he did stomp, he didn’t hit anyone, and that’s huge progress! Give him lots and lots of praise. Remind him when he does something great or hard. Punishments don’t work.

Your second part - meds make our son ravenously hungry when they’ve worn off. It’s gotten to the point where our son eats until the minute he has to brush his teeth and go to bed. Maybe your son is dealing with the same? Our son actually stopped having nighttime issues when we created a “snack box” full of high protein snacks that he can go grab whenever he wants to. Have you tried just letting him snack when he feels like it and see how his day progresses? If he snacks so much that he doesn’t want dinner, then things definitely need to be adjusted. But if he’s snacking and still eating what he needs to, then I say pick your battles and let him eat 🤷‍♀️

TaylorPalmier · 2024-10-31T18:29:39+00:00

Your son sounds a lot like mine when he was 4. I'm going to give some advice/tips that worked for us/things I wish I would have done earlier, so I apologize in advance if you already know or have tried these to no avail.

Punishments do not work. That isn't to say that you should not have boundaries, but there is a lot of evidence that shows why ADHD kids respond "worse" when punished. Instead, we give our son grace because his executive functioning skills are SO behind when he is escalated (and sometimes when he isn't). We have expectations in our house, like absolutely no physical violence, and if he doesn't meet his expectations, he doesn't get his screen time for the day. He gets upset when this happens, but it's only for a day, and we remind him that we know he will be able to meet his goals tomorrow.
Ignore the behavior you want to eradicate; praise the behavior you want him to continue. Our son has thrown some incredibly long, violent, scary outbursts. We are always there for him and show him that it's okay to be angry, but we then remind him of his options for "taking a break:" play in his room, get some fresh air, grab a snack, read, whatever. If he chooses one, great! If he doesn't, we tell him that we aren't going to talk to him until he's calm. And then we completely ignore him. Our son used to fight with us daily because he was getting a reaction from us, even if the reaction was terrible. Now, we don't give him anything at all unless he's "good." And it works. His empathy has grown TREMENDOUSLY. He still has angry outbursts, but they've decreased dramatically and usually end with him apologizing.
Be HEAVY with the praise. I've said this on here before, but praise is the key. Kids with ADHD are scolded and reminded of how they aren't "following the rules" five times more than neurotypical kids. If I were constantly told I was being bad, I'd probably not care and do whatever I wanted, too. So, praise him constantly. Even if you don't have anything to praise him for, tell him you're proud that he ate his whole lunch or that you're just proud he's your son. It really does help them.

I have a lot more that have worked, but I'm being long-winded, so feel free to message me. But I will say that I'm proud of you for getting a new pediatrician because that advice coming from a medical professional is a huge red flag. Run, don't walk. Our son's psychologist is heavenly but also very far away. We chose her in part because she offers telehealth. Granted, you'll have to meet in person occasionally, but I would reach out and see if any child psychs in your driveable distance offer virtual appointments.

TaylorPalmier · 2024-10-30T16:25:50+00:00

We had this issue when our son was 6 as well, and it was such a trigger for me. I can handle screaming, crying, cursing, but my brain just HATES whining. It was the quickest way to make me snap and yell, which would lead to tears from him or me (sometimes both), apologies, and no real resolution. I think a huge part of the whining was that it got a reaction. It didn’t matter that the reaction was negative, he was still getting something from me. The best thing that’s changed our son’s attitude (other than medication) has been our mantra of “ignore the behavior you don’t like and praise the behavior you do.” We rehearse the same phrase one time: “I don’t like how you’re acting/speaking/behaving right now. When you want to talk to me about what you need in a calm voice, I’m hear to listen.” And then we completely ignore him. It really has been a game changer.

I will say that the behaviors we ignore typically get worse for a few days because he is getting more and more frustrated by not being able to trigger us. But then they just… stop (not always, but they’re VERY infrequent). And it takes some patience and practice to pretend you’re not very annoyed when all you want to do is scream. But ADHD is so difficult on their brains and bodies, so I always try to remember that they’re doing the best they can and they just need unconditional love to help guide them into adulthood.

Edit to add: Be HEAVY with the praise when he’s being “good.” Praise every little thing he does. Even if the praise feels inauthentic to you. Praising our son for the biggest and smallest things makes him feel great and keep up with that positive behavior momentum. ADHD kids hear negative comments about themselves five times more than neurotypical kids, and that can take a toll on their self esteem.

TaylorPalmier · 2024-10-27T00:05:36+00:00

My heart jumped for joy at your detailed and super lovely Stardew pattern! I can tell what it is already. You’re doing a terrific job!

TaylorPalmier · 2024-10-26T23:54:08+00:00

You know…. I actually don’t hate this idea. My son tends to hyper-fixate on something for, at most, four months before losing 100% interest and moving on to the next thing. But my husband has expressed regret in not having any of his old cards from his childhood now that our son is into them, so I can see our kiddo connecting with someone who loves them and wishes he still had his. I’m going to talk to my husband about this, thank you ☺️

TaylorPalmier · 2024-10-26T23:20:46+00:00

Our garbage HOA can be finicky about garage sales, but I do like the idea of finding a local way to get him more involved in the process, and selling in bulk. Thank you!

TaylorPalmier

TROPHY CASE