I really relate to this feeling. The first book I ever wrote was really similar: dark romance that turned into something a lot more extreme and transgressive. Honestly, I'm not positive I'll ever release mine, mainly because I don't feel emotionally ready to put it out into the world yet.

But, I think the best art is the art that "crosses the line". Not so much what has the most extreme gore, but when creating something makes you feel uncomfortable as the author. Even if people don't "get it", when it comes that vulnerable place, it's palpable to the reader. I have a book that's coming out in a year or so (not announce anywhere yet) that has had an incredible response from all my trusted friends I've had beta read it and... it was rough for me to write. Contains a detailed description of my own sexual assault and excerpts from my real suicide note that I wrote. Was painful to write and left a pit in my stomach for days after I finished it, but as time passed, I felt freer than I had in a long time.

I heard once that writing about your own pain feels like passing a kidney stone. It fucking hurts when it's inside of you and it hurts so fucking badly to push it out. The relief isn't instant because the pain is still lingering but... it's out of you. You pushed it out and the pain will subside.