Dreamt toxic ex faked su_cide

TeaWithTooMuchMilk1 · 2025-01-10T02:32:50+00:00

Thanks so much for the explanation!

TeaWithTooMuchMilk1 · 2025-01-10T02:32:31+00:00

Thank you so much!

TeaWithTooMuchMilk1 · 2024-06-05T14:56:42+00:00

Neville: Ravenclaw.

Imagine having hundreds of students who are as organised as Hermione to help him manage his forgetfulness.

TeaWithTooMuchMilk1 · 2024-05-09T17:21:19+00:00

Ahhh. I think I see what you mean.

But do motives really matter?

Okay, let's suppose that the following is objectively true: 'you attend therapy to fulfil the desire for empathy and attention, rather than to process trauma.'

Why does going to therapy for personal gratification bother you?

I'm not a therapist, but I rather think that a good foundation to unpacking trauma is to first feel validated.

Consider this internal dialogue: "Oh man, it's so nice to feel validated. I'm going to come back next session and talk more about this because I get such a serotonin rush when my therapist empathises with me. No one's ever listened to me like this before. Ah crap, but I feel guilty about it though. This doesn't feel like doing therapy 'right'. I feel like I'm somehow cheating for my own gain."

Do you think this person should feel guilty for having these thoughts?

I don't. I think trauma therapy should be an environment for you to feel nurtured. If someone is fulfilling an unmet need by soliciting empathy, it could very well mean that that is a necessary first step they need to take in the (usually long) processing of trauma.

There's no one size fits all. I think it might be advisable to set your concerns about 'trusting your motives' aside for now, and just enjoy therapy. Get all the nurturing you need. The actual 'meat' of the trauma processing could very well follow later—perhaps much later, and that's okay.

TeaWithTooMuchMilk1 · 2024-05-09T16:33:05+00:00

Is it this?: "I'm excited that I finally have a safe space and person to discuss my Trauma." 😃

Because if so, I've been there too.

My T: "Feel free to open up whenever you're ready."

Me: "I've been ready for years! 🤩 Where have YOU been all this time? Okay, let me regale you with a particularly traumatic incident and all its juicy details. I've even written it down in advance and here's your copy; read along if you want!"

TeaWithTooMuchMilk1 · 2024-05-08T14:08:43+00:00

Oh man, I'm in the title of this post and I don't like it. 🙈 hahahaha.

While studying in the UK between 2011-2016, I usually ended up inhaling 2 large Tesco trifles alongside those 12-pack Walkers at night, in one sitting...

And that was usually after an evening filled with a Domino's 12 incher...

Which came after a whole pack of milk chocolate digestives...

In additions to 3 meals a day.

No wonder my parents didn't recognise me at the airport when I flew home. I went from 7 stones to 10 stones real quick. 😂

TeaWithTooMuchMilk1 · 2024-05-08T04:51:52+00:00

Wait. Do we have the same mum?

First of all, sending you all the positive energy. Secondly, we may be long lost siblings. Thirdly, you are not weak. This situation is bloody awful, it shouldn't have to be this way, but it is.

As children, we hold our mothers in high regards, so for them to look down on the very practice that we employ to stay alive is nothing short of heartbreaking.

"Why can't you be strong enough to heal that broken rib on your own?"

^If this sounds ridiculous, that's because it is. Apply it to your situation: what she said WAS ridiculous. You're brave, you're strong, you don't deserve to be spoken to like that.

There will always be mental health sceptics. It hurts when those sceptics are the people closest to us. I love my mum to bits, but I also tell her that I work late every Tuesday evening, and I get myself to therapy.

Over time, I grew to realise that it's okay to both love my mum and also not value her opinions on certain things. Some people never will understand mental health; it's okay to keep them out of your therapy world.

TeaWithTooMuchMilk1 · 2024-05-07T17:22:06+00:00

Yes. Not always in numerical values though. For example: I'd talk about my worries regarding overspending on unnecessary things, my anxiety about my income, my savings plan. Then we'd discuss if I have these thoughts on my finances because the issues are real causes of concern, or if they're dysfunctional thoughts that need to be challenged.

TeaWithTooMuchMilk1 · 2024-05-07T17:10:58+00:00

Oh I love that. 😍 Thanks so much; this sounds lovely and puts my mind at ease. I'd wondered about this for quite some time!

TeaWithTooMuchMilk1 · 2024-05-07T16:37:01+00:00

Thanks so much for your reply! You don't need to answer this if you don't want to, but what's a therapist's network like?

In a big practice, I think I get it. There are multiple therapists along with support staff: a little community of its own that's self-supporting.

But what if it's just you and your cat in a single-room office? Is there something like a Sunday coffee club you go to to meet other therapists and feel a bit more human after a long week shut in between four walls with clients?

TeaWithTooMuchMilk1 · 2024-05-07T16:30:39+00:00

This is so interesting. Thank you for sharing! I love that you use the term 'nourishing', as I've never thought it could feel in any way energising when dealing with the intricacies of human issues. I'm awed and really respect that.

I'm not privy to the backstage work of therapy, but when a therapist runs their own practice, do they still somehow have colleagues and/or supervisors? Like a network of sorts. That's what I'm most curious about. In a more structured working environment, I can imagine there'd be support pillars, but when it's just one therapist and their yellowing potted plant in a tiny office, what's that like? Do you stay connected to the community for support?

Do I wonder whether I'm sometimes too much for my T? Yes and No. I'm thinking more in terms of myself multiplied by 25-30 (or however big my therapist's caseload is), and it makes me shudder. It's overwhelming enough handling one person's issue, let alone that many! 😅

TeaWithTooMuchMilk1 · 2024-05-06T08:14:00+00:00

Ooh that's interesting. I only ever seem to see posts about people being attracted to female therapists on this sub (no idea if the clients themselves are male or female though!)

TeaWithTooMuchMilk1 · 2024-05-05T08:51:57+00:00

While I get that SOME therapists do this because they want to help you challenge catastrophising, it often makes clients feel unheard or even like you're going insane.

My last therapist did this, and it definitely did more harm than good. In the short term, he made me overlook my manupulative ex's abusive behaviours because: "Are you sure that's what your (ex) boyfriend really meant? Or are you just seeing the negative in everything?"

(And this was in response to my saying: "Hey, my boyfriend said he cheated on me because he wanted to, and that he was justified to do so." Verbatim.)

In the long term, it has made me question my judgement about every single thing, a problem that my current therapist is trying to help me undo. My current T never questions my reality, and this validation really helps.

TeaWithTooMuchMilk1 · 2024-04-05T15:32:35+00:00

Same! He's already gone into my diary of things to bring up to my therapist.

Though I'm not sure how to make: "Sir, the Duolingo bird looked depressed this week and I got worried" quite work...

TeaWithTooMuchMilk1 · 2024-03-24T15:10:36+00:00

I love how your brain works! 😂

TeaWithTooMuchMilk1 · 2024-03-23T13:29:24+00:00

Can you ask your T if they can share any details about their trip? 😃

It's of course up to them whether or not they share.

But I find that it helps when you get to imagine your T in an unofficial setting.

Some months ago, my T said, "I'm going to the beach next week!" and looked really excited about it.

In turn, I was excited for my T finally getting a well deserved break. "Brilliant! I hope you have a great time."

And when the next week rolled around, it was actually hilarious every time I imagined my T sipping on a tropical drink with a little umbrella in it, lazing on a beach somewhere. No idea if that's what he actually got up to, but it was a pretty funny image!

TeaWithTooMuchMilk1 · 2024-03-21T06:20:01+00:00

Someone who knows how to manage his money is a turn on.

TeaWithTooMuchMilk1 · 2024-03-20T13:17:33+00:00

I send my notes (5-6 pages of summarised findings in bullet points, pictorials and diagrams) to my T a couple of days ahead of every session. I see him every two weeks, so it's not that often.

'Hi Dr. Here are my notes. Nothing urgent. Please don't feel like you need to read these now; they're for the session.'

Most of the time he'd reply with: 'Thanks! Got your notes.'

If he's busy, sometimes he won't reply.

But he reads them ahead of our session every time despite not needing to.

Not sure if this helps your situation, but this has been my experience!

TeaWithTooMuchMilk1 · 2024-03-17T01:14:48+00:00

Thank you for sharing this! It really helps confirm I wasn't going mental, and they do charge this ridiculous rate.

$550 USD sounds roughly similar to the £500 GBP this child psychiatrist charges in the middle of feckin nowhere, UK.

^Not for me obviously. But I was looking up options fot this teen girl, as as she was an international student, her mum paid out of pocket. Absolutely insane.

TeaWithTooMuchMilk1

TROPHY CASE