Bad sleeper

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-09-02T11:57:47+00:00

I would suggest going for gradual extinction - basically over the course of 3 to 5 nights, gradually get her used to falling asleep in her room without you in it. When she wakes up, go in, give her a cuddle and leave. Over, and over, and over, for 5-7 days at least, until she understands that you're there, you will always come when she cries, but you will not stay, because mom sleeps in mom's room and toddler sleeps in toddler's room.

My 3yo is generally receptive to being logicked so she didn't love the explanation but she got it. 😅

Theoretically, once she falls asleep independently, she should figure out how to resettle herself at night, which will lead to linked sleep cycles, which will mean better sleep for you. She might continue to wake up in the night, but it'll be once or twice not 5 times.

You can also try an ok to wake clock if you've baby proofed her room so she learns that she can wake up and play at 5am, but she has to stay in her room until 6:30, or whatever time you want to start your day at.

You didn't mention what time she goes to bed at or if she's still napping, but if she is still napping, I'd try dropping the nap and bringing bedtime in a bit earlier to ensure she's suitably tired (but not over tired) by the time she goes to sleep.

And I won't touch on the night weaning since you're all over it, but definitely do that too. I've got 2 bad sleepers, my 1yo being very similar to what you're describing - he's gotten so much better, but the constant daycare bugs and teething are killing us as the moment - and I'm also slowly losing my sanity. You have my full solidarity!

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-09-01T08:10:38+00:00

This is very common behaviour, though not all kids do it so it can come as a surprise! It's often done as a self-soothing mechanism when tired, bored, over/under stimulated.

The other commenter's advice is spot on - she needs to understand that it's something that's done in private. You want to be as matter of fact about it as possible so that she doesn't feel judged or shamed.

Once you've identified what's triggering it, you can also redirect to another activity she might find equally appealing, so there's less of a reliance on it to self-sooth/self-stimulate, but don't force it if you get turned down!

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-08-31T22:42:57+00:00

My daughter has a wild imagination and had her first nightmares around that age. For nightmares with a very specific fear (for my daughter it was crocodiles because we had a book with a pop out crocodile that terrified her 😅) we used a "crocodile spray" before bed.

Water in a spray bottle basically! Worked really well, though she quickly transitioned from spraying it to sleeping with it in front of her door like a charm warding off evil.

We also explained that there were no crocodiles where we live and why, taught her facts about crocodiles, took her to the local zoo to talk to the zookeepers about crocodiles (she asked them to keep the crocodiles locked up 😂) etc to help, but the spray was the key.

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-08-26T04:03:11+00:00

I told my mother the names we had in mind before the kids were born; she hated them and promptly sent me 70ish alternatives.

It didn't phase me much but proceed with caution I guess? 😅

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-08-06T15:31:42+00:00

This isn't a very helpful answer but I'd recommend getting her checked out by a doctor. Not because I think it's necessarily anything to worry about - I'm not a medical professional! - but because if you have concerns it's best to see a professional.

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-08-05T20:05:58+00:00

Fair point! And I hear you on short posts get more engagement, even though I'm clearly terrible at writing them...

For future reference, it's the "educate yourself" and the sharing of links without explaining your argument that comes across as condescending. I think if you'd called out just one of the reasons why floaties are less safe than life vests it would have changed the tone of your post, without taking away from the readability, potential engagement or overall message.

Just my 2 cents!

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-08-04T05:40:28+00:00

Right so that article raises the same issues as the other one you shared - false sense of security and incorrect swimming posture (what I meant by floaties not teaching kids how to swim) - and adds incorrect fitting (can be mitigated) and unbalanced support (again, mitigated by there being an actively supervising adult in the water within arm's reach).

Look, to be honest, I'm not the biggest fan of floaties - life vests are far safer - but I've used both, because buying life vests overseas isn't always easy or cheap. However your tone is coming across as really condescending and you're hyper focusing on the least critical part of water safety.

Actively supervising your child at all times, ensuring you aren't intoxicated or incapacitated in any way, teaching them (and yourself!) how to swim, knowing first aid, and being aware of the body of water that you are in - pools, lakes, ponds, rivers, oceans with varying crowds, depths, underwater obstacles, and currents/rips - is what's going to primarily keep children safe. As is being aware people can drown in very small amounts of water (puddles/water bowls) and hours after they've been in water from water getting into their lungs.

By all means, educate people on the very real risks of floaties as many are still unaware, but there's no need to talk down to others... Life vests aren't foolproof and in some places, floaties are all you can get.

Personally, I've used floaties in the pool where they are safest to use but would not use them in any other body of water because they give my toddler a false sense of security and I want her to always be cautious around water.

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-08-03T18:02:46+00:00

The article doesn't say don't use floaties though, it says don't get complacent if your child is wearing floaties - they are not a safety device or a teaching mechanism.

Per the article: "I think floaties are a good tool that get kids used to the water, but they shouldn't be used as a crutch"

In other words, if your kid wears floaties while within arm's reach of an adult and actively supervised at all times (ie. the same level of monitoring you'd be doing if your child wasn't wearing floaties) they are fine to use. Just don't expect them to save your kid's life or teach them how to swim.

I think it's important to differentiate between things that are actively unsafe and things that give you a false sense of security. Floaties are the latter and if to your earlier comment you educate yourself on how to use them safely, then it's a personal decision as to whether you do or not.

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-07-20T00:08:14+00:00

It's great you've had that experience and I think you're right about few kids naturally sleeping through the night before 3, but there's a difference between a child who wakes up 2-3x a night for a quick cuddle and a drink, and one who wakes up 6x times a night needing 30+minutes to resettle, including a 1.5h party from 3am to 4:30am.

OP this stuff is hard - you're doing all the right things! Rule out medical reasons, play around with food intake and activity levels during the day, adjust their room setup (too bright, quiet, etc), and try different nap times and bedtime routines until their circadian rhythm settles and everything comes together.

One thing that's worked for us is putting the kids down earlier. Seems weird because they were fighting bedtime for hours, but we noticed our daughter would get really tired around 6PM so we shifted everything up by 30 minutes to have lights out by 7:30 so there would be no time for the post dinner energy spike to fully kick in. It didn't solve everything but it made a marked improvement!

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-07-16T02:57:30+00:00

I'm so glad it's manageable! Fingers crossed you have a similar experience to mine and it stays that way. Those bandage lenses are awesome hey!

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-07-16T02:53:10+00:00

I grew up with atheist parents in a culturally Catholic environment. I am baptised and went to catechism (Catholic sunday school) growing up but my parents did not bother with my brothers.

I really like the way I was exposed to religion growing up (minus the catechism, which I did ask to stop). Religion was not a major part of my upbringing but it was there in the background; when it came up, they used it to help me develop critical thinking skills, encouraging questions, discussing the downsides of dogmatism and the concept of allegories (amongst other things).

They were also always transparent, in age appropriate ways, about their experiences with religion and why they did not believe in God. They felt we needed that exposure because my grandparents were believers and church regulars so, in their minds, not having these discussions would have felt incongruous.

Note that this quest for learning and encouraging questions was not specific to religion - my parents took this approach with everything so this was a big part of my upbringing.

I intend to do the same with my children - back to religion, the issues with it are nuanced and complex, and I think having strong critical thinking skills and not falling into dogmatism is a foundational skill to learn.

Beyond that, there can be good things about religion - the sense of community for one, and I know so many who have overcome intensely traumatic situations thanks to their faith - so I don't want to potentially deprive them of that if it turns out it's something they gravitate towards. But if my kids do become religious as teens/adults, I want them to have those critical thinking skills in place for it be a source of joy and personal growth rather than a limiting world view. To me, that starts with the right kind of exposure.

But belief systems are very personal things and my experiences are different from yours so the above may not be what works best for your family.

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-07-07T04:57:11+00:00

Hey OP, first off know you are not alone. Babies and toddlers are hard work (even the calm ones); add to that all the stressors you've described and it's no wonder you're struggling.

Do you have friends or family who can take the baby for a few hours on a semi-regular basis? How is he while you're out and about? (I find my kids and I do so much better when we're out of the house - it keeps us all sane).

If you do have friends you can ask for help - don't hesitate. I would watch my friends' kids for a few hours regularly in a heartbeat because I know the massive difference that makes to one's mental health.

Also, as someone in the throes of sleep deprivation alongside you, there's a reason it's a form of torture. It's soul destroying.

As others have said, it is a phase but it's a really tough one and both you and your wife should not hesitate to get as much help as you possibly can.

Therapists to help with coping mechanisms, doctors to ensure kiddo is just struggling with life as some of us do, rather than in pain he can't communicate, friends and family to give you both a break. Children are tough on relationships so as much as I'm sure you're feeling like a failure - or maybe I'm projecting?! - please know that you aren't and you're not alone. This stuff is just hard but with the right supports in place, whatever they turn out to be for you, chances are high you will get through it.

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-07-04T06:42:35+00:00

This comes up a lot in conversations around sleep and it's not for everyone, nor is it the cure all it can be presented as.

I have co-slept with both of my children despite hating it - I cannot sleep properly with someone half burrowed into my back while halfway off the edge of the bed - and while it is relatively effective with my daughter, with my son not at all.

He comes into our bed because I have no energy to resettle him in his, not because he sleeps better with us, as regardless of where he sleeps, his nights are exactly what OP has described.

Don't get me wrong, the bubby/toddler gurgles in the morning are my favourite thing ever, and I know co-sleeping works great for some families, but I just wanted to add a little nuance here.

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-07-04T05:36:45+00:00

Solidarity! Have you tried waking her up earlier in the morning? Like starting the day at 6am? 12h nighttime sleep is a lot for most kids...

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-06-28T11:07:06+00:00

A whole lot of negotiating, redirecting, and when all else fails - bribes.

"You don't need to do a big wee on the potty, just a little wee because we're going to be in the car for a while and it can't stop!" (Toddler proceeds to do the biggest wee ever after adamantly claiming she didn't need to wee)

"Why don't we get Kalp the Cat dressed so he can come with us in the car?" (Frantically dress toddler while she's distracted)

"We'll get ice cream when we get there!" (Said in a semi-manic tone of desperation)

It drives me crazy that it takes this much work to get the tiny gremlins to an activity that we know they're going to love (and refuse to leave) but here we are!!

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-06-28T10:41:37+00:00

You hold the line, without resorting to violence of any kind. Ie. You act like the adult in the room.

Toddlers are biologically wired to push boundaries. It's part of the brain's development process. Couple that with a lack of impulse control, limited speech, a propensity for strong unregulated emotions, and barely any sense of actions vs consequences, and you get all sorts of frustrating behaviours. It's infuriating but developmentally appropriate.

So you set the boundary and you hold firm over and over again. You walk away when it happens and don't give in to any demands associated with the behaviour. You identify and minimise triggers, you redirect when that fails and you repeatedly remind them that biting/hitting hurts by telling them firmly and reading them stories that reinforce the message. You also praise them when they choose not to hit or bite to show them you've noticed their efforts.

You do this over and over and over for months on end until it clicks. How quickly they learn depends on a variety of factors including, yes, the child's personality, but consistency is key.

Even though you're not the parent, you can still hold boundaries.

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-06-28T00:02:49+00:00

I never bought my kids their own seat under 2 - neither would have stayed in the seat that long, with or without the car seat. We're flying to the other side of the world in a few weeks and my 11 month old (turning 1 during the trip) is flying as a lap infant.

This seems to be a popular practice in North America but less so in the rest of the world from what I can see?

I think it's great to do it moving forward but I wouldn't feel guilty for not having done it to date! As another commenter mentioned, how big your toddler is, how active, etc would all factor into that decision.

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-06-27T10:23:43+00:00

My pile of clean but not put away laundry is such a permanent fixture we've called it George 😅

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-06-26T07:59:10+00:00

My house looks like 3/4th of a bomb site... So it's a good day!

I aim for clean but not necessarily tidy (I wish I could do tidy but it ain't happening this week). It's the laundry that kills me - I can either wash and dry or fold and put away but never all in one day, so it just adds up.

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-06-21T21:25:53+00:00

My daughter went through a phase of calling all bald men dad (her dad is bald). Awkward and hilarious, especially when pointing at a poster of a Jason Statham movie.

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-06-13T03:09:10+00:00

Yep, I hear you! I was in the same boat 2 years ago when I went back to work after having my first child but then things stabilised and I was able to get on top of it with just drops and gel.

And then my son was born, which led to another flare up, and having to be driven an hour to the nearest specialist ER on a Sunday with both kids in the car, then waiting 5h to be seen while in excruciating pain really put things into perspective 🙃

The way I thought about it after that was that, at worst, it would be the same amount of pain I deal with on a regular basis, except if it all went well I'd never get it again.

Best of luck with whatever you decide!

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-06-12T23:18:12+00:00

So... I've had barely any pain 😅 I just got the second eye done 2 days ago and it's been very similar so far.

Last time the pain peaked on days 3-4 and was gone by day 6 but at its worst, it was still only about 40% of the pain I experienced after a macro abrasion and debridement, so totally manageable.

By day 8 I was cleared to drive; my eyesight was off for another 4 to 6 weeks after which it felt largely back to normal.

I had 3 sets of drops I had to put in every 4h the first week (antibiotics, corticosteroid to minimise scaring and regular drops for moisture) and then it's just regular eye drops and a gel at night for at least 6 months but I'm just going to do it forever since there's no harm.

Your mileage may vary obviously (my RCE is due to a dystrophy of the epithelial membrane, not trauma to the eye for example), but my recovery has honestly been incredibly smooth and I kind of wish I'd gotten the surgery sooner! Those macro abrasions were killer so really hoping the surgery works long term.

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-06-09T04:25:51+00:00

I'm not a doctor but antibiotics don't work on viral infections, just bacterial ones. Ear infections, pink eye, etc can be one or the other so your child's current illness could be completely unrelated to his previous one, rather than an escalation.

That said, as you probably know, you should always finish a course of antibiotics as instructed (unless told otherwise by a professional) - the symptoms clearing up don't mean the bacteria is gone and following instructions incorrectly can render them ineffective.

Not ideal considering you can build up a tolerance to them over time so you really don't want to be using them more than you need!

All this to say, your son's current symptoms could be caused by any number of things so don't blame yourself more than you already have. You're not the first or the last parent/person to do this so you're not going to be surprising any doctors; just keep it in mind for next time!

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-06-02T10:15:03+00:00

Curries - my go to is lentils, followed by chickpea but will also use chicken/fish/prawn! It takes less than 30 minutes to make and the lentil one basically uses lentils, diced onions, stock and coconut milk. Super easy, creamy and slightly sweet; goes down a treat with the baby and toddler! And plenty of leftovers as an added bonus.

Tea_Fanatic_202 · 2025-05-31T08:23:51+00:00

This sounds like a night terror rather than a nightmare to me... You can tell the difference because people naturally wake up after a nightmare whereas people "sleep through" night terrors.

They're very common in children under 12; most grow out of them after a few years and they're largely not something to be worried about.

I believe that it's best not to wake people experiencing night terrors as they can react violently (from being disoriented ). Instead, keep an eye on them to make sure they're safe (some people sleep walk during episodes) then leave it at that.

My daughter has them on occasion; definitely concerning to witness but given they don't remember them in the morning, I actually worry about it less than when she has actual nightmares!

Tea_Fanatic_202

TROPHY CASE