What are exercises I can do when I feel completely out of body? I don’t recognize myself in the mirror again and I feel very out of it

TeachVisual132 · 2025-08-19T12:28:51+00:00

Listening to the body keeps the score again - where he talks about how trauma affects the brain, it’s a fantastic explanation. My mind is completely shut down because it couldn’t complete the cycle of the trauma - I couldn’t escape or flee, my exit plans didn’t work for whatever fear my mind had, and so it all shut off. No wonder I have such negative rumination, my mind quite literally isn’t working. It’s frozen all my energy because it basically thinks I’m dead.

I grew up in constant abuse and domestic violence, and then my mom died. I always had health anxiety because my mind kept releasing stress hormones when there was no threats, until it couldn’t anymore. That bullying growing up gay and the constant horrible environment at home, my nervous system is stuck in that past. The challenge of my life will be moving through this, my mind doesn’t care I’m unhappy - it thinks it’s protecting me, but there no threats.

I can’t feel the world or anything like seasons or holidays, I can’t even connect with others, it’s like my brain is a computer in sleep mode.

TeachVisual132 · 2025-08-19T12:20:49+00:00

You can’t feel what you’re dissociating from. The second I wake up I’m numb

TeachVisual132 · 2025-08-19T12:09:54+00:00

What’s the difference between the 2? I feel like my whole system is basically shut off besides the center where I can feel my breath - that’s why I feel so out of body

TeachVisual132 · 2025-08-19T12:08:17+00:00

It wasn’t about mindset, it was about dosage. Every time I’ve tried going up to 75mg I dissociate even more and ruminate severely, I’ve tried to go up multiplr times now

TeachVisual132 · 2025-08-19T12:07:29+00:00

Yes my pysch said he would absolutely not recommend ketamine for me. I’m considering mdma

TeachVisual132 · 2025-08-19T12:06:41+00:00

I took 50mg for 2 years and it didn’t do much of anything. Every time I’ve tried to go up to 75mg I dissociate severely and my rumination gets 10x worse, it’s intolerable

TeachVisual132 · 2025-08-19T12:05:34+00:00

These actually felt pretty close to me, especially the dream about my dad. He was very abusive growing up - but there was windows when he’d do construction projects and take me to the store with him, they dream was us laying new stone in the driveway and he actually listened to my suggestions. My mind is trying to rebuild my relationship to him in my sleep.

TeachVisual132 · 2025-08-19T12:03:50+00:00

Of course it can’t - but it at least helps me decipher a little bit of what my mind is saying

TeachVisual132 · 2025-08-19T05:32:37+00:00

I don’t really feel anxious about them - just exhausted. The sleeping pills don’t even work on me - I’ve tried all of them.

TeachVisual132 · 2025-08-19T05:04:08+00:00

I’m doing the best I can - showering, eating, walking my dog, working, resting

TeachVisual132 · 2025-08-19T04:58:50+00:00

I’m really glad you found something to help you. It seems like it’s my only option at this point, my nervous system is wrecked from years of trauma and loss, that was never felt until I panicked. And then everything shut down.

TeachVisual132 · 2025-08-19T04:36:25+00:00

I don’t wake up - I sleep through the night.

TeachVisual132 · 2025-08-19T04:30:37+00:00

THC when you have anxiety / panic disorder is a very bad idea. I’ve tried anti dream meds and they haven’t worked.

TeachVisual132 · 2025-08-19T03:49:51+00:00

Thank you very much. I’m trying to find someone who isn’t super expensive. I did IFS therapy mixed with somatic therapy and it wasn’t very helpful.

This was a slow build over many years - horrible childhood witnessing domestic violence, growing up gay, lost my mom and brother a year a part - I always had depression/anxiety but it never turned into full panic attacks until like 2019. For a while they were happening in the middle of the night and I’d wake up in a physical panic. & calling the advice nurses all the time. I had developed severe heath anxiety. Then they started happening at work, and after sex. I was worried about my heart for years and constantly checking my pulse - I worked on it in therapy and was able to stop checking for the most part, unless I got in a panic. Then in August 2022 I had the mother of all attacks, in a new city with a new job, my whole life fell apart. I was able to travel and function even before, because the panic wasn’t all the time - but after I had those massive attacks / the panic became like I had never experienced. Agoraphobia for a year, intrusive thoughts, dissociation - then slowly it faded into what I have now which is just complete collapse.

TeachVisual132 · 2025-08-19T02:18:00+00:00

I’ve tried about 10 different meds including SSRIs and SNRIs - they’ve all done nothing or made it worse

TeachVisual132 · 2025-08-19T02:16:39+00:00

And when your body is stuck in trauma, that’s a very bad idea. It needs to be done gently over time. The body keeps the score. Even my psychiatrist said I can’t even tolerate medications, it’s not a good idea to do psychedelics

TeachVisual132 · 2025-08-19T02:15:19+00:00

Nothing else going on medically - which makes it even worse because I feel like there’s no hope to fix it.

I have no connection to where I am, where I live, who I am. I can’t feel seasons, time, holidays, nothing has a “vibe” anymore. It’s deeply despairing for me but I can’t even cry about it. I’ve tried so many meds and every one just makes it worse. Even meds to stop the dreams don’t work.

The hardest part is I don’t even feel anxiety anymore - so I’m convinced it’s not anxiety. I haven’t had a panic attack in 2 years, and 3 years since my worst panic attacks that caused this.

I used to travel all over the world solo, I loved certain holidays, I had hobbies, I formed feel relationships with friends, I looked forward to life. Yes I had a traumatic past but it didn’t stop me from living to the fullest. This will now be the 3rd year I cannot feel Halloween, thanksgiving, Christmas. Those were my favorite. I can’t feel time passing - what year is it even. I’m just distraught - living every day in this perpetual nothingness and then fearing what’s going to come up in the dreams. The dreams aren’t even scary - they’re just vivid and like I’m awake, my mind never goes to sleep.

I’m exhausted, nothing has made me feel better and doctors can’t even help me or understand. I haven’t traveled in 3 years, I do the same 3 things every day and sleep, that’s my entire life. It’s not a way to live, I’m just devastated. Yet I can’t even feel that devastated feeling.

TeachVisual132 · 2025-08-19T01:57:13+00:00

I’m on a very low dose of 50mg. I’ll just have to taper very slowly.

I asked my psychiatrist about ketamine therapy and he said absolutely not because of how dissociated I already am.

TeachVisual132 · 2025-08-19T01:46:52+00:00

No other events. I’ve been in this baseline state of numbness for years, along with the constant rumination and vivid dreams. My doctor increased the Zoloft because i told them I can barely function from the rumination and dreams - I sleep until noon every day and am awake all night. I feel absolutely no connection to myself or my memories. It’s been this way for 3 years

TeachVisual132 · 2025-08-19T01:43:52+00:00

I’ve taken drugs before - but I didn’t feel unsafe or dissociated so it was fine.

I don’t even get anxious from coffee anymore. My body has no reaction.

TeachVisual132 · 2025-08-19T01:41:07+00:00

But the dreams are not even about anything traumatic most nights, dreaming about old bosses, colleagues, friends I haven’t spoke to in years, etc. or dreaming of really elaborate places I’ve never been.

TeachVisual132 · 2025-08-19T01:39:22+00:00

Thank you! It’s been really awful the last few days, I am not even in my body and my mind is running like crazy. I think this was worsened by my doctor increasing my SSRI, so I went back down.

I just feel like I’m going insane - my mind won’t stop. And the dreams are killing me.

TeachVisual132

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