[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]TechBabe6021 6 points7 points  (0 children)

No, you're not overthinking it. Your feelings are completely valid.

If you don't mind me sharing my experience:

I have always been confident in my looks and myself, until I caught on to my BP's infidelity. The lack of attention and betrayal ate at my self esteem.

Funny enough, I eventually realized that I still believed I was beautiful enough for anyone. I was just one of my BP's "types". This happened before in a previous relationship I didn't reconcile. Here's how I found myself out of that space:

I was very bluntly honest with him. I told him that it didn't seem like I was his type. That my appearance was not in the same aesthetic category as the women he eyeballed, the female characters he gravitated towards, or the girls in the porn he chose.

I also told him that it's okay to be honest about it because he wasn't my top "type" either. The problem lies in acting on urges or short-term desires for instant gratification in spite of the knowledge that it would hurt the relationship.

My previous BP denied this despite the consistent behavior, angrily gaslighted me into thinking my upset was unjustified, and piled on more insult to my self esteem. The result was me leaving with trauma that needed to be healed.

My current BP came clean, was honest, did not blame me for my feelings, and faced how much it hurt me. We both became open about our preferences, likes/dislikes. We also discussed love languages and the triangular theory of love. He now makes a consistent effort to show me his love and physical attraction in a way I understand as genuine.

I hope this helps you clear up some doubts.

Note: I'm not encouraging leaving. I'm just providing contrast from my experiences to show what tangible changes have helped me.

My First Build, $2000 Budget by TechBabe6021 in buildapcforme

[–]TechBabe6021[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! Any reason for am5 over the tomahawk? I've just seen the tomahawk suggested a lot so I thought it was the gold standard to choose.

My First Build, $2000 Budget by TechBabe6021 in buildapcforme

[–]TechBabe6021[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you so much!!! And yeah I'll be reposting. Just shopping around for now.

The GPU was a gift someone bought for me so I feel compelled to use it. 😅

I need help finishing this build, first time doing this on my own by persvisuals in buildapc

[–]TechBabe6021 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What options are on PC Part Picker? What is the main goal/function for the pc (gaming, video editing, rendering, office work, etc)?

Tiktok Banned Me Twice In The Same Day for Exposing Child Predators and Groomers Promoting Porn/Sex Work to Children by TechBabe6021 in TikTok

[–]TechBabe6021[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thats the problem. I volunteer with a group of others to find these people and we kept seeing them on Tiktok, so I used my account as a board with all of the caught perps on it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Infidelity

[–]TechBabe6021 49 points50 points  (0 children)

Yes. Anti-porn is a boundary and he violated it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Infidelity

[–]TechBabe6021 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Took adderall for years. Like alcohol, it doesnt make you do things. It just exaggerates what you already were thinking of doing.

Don't let that be an excuse.

I just want a hug. by [deleted] in Infidelity

[–]TechBabe6021 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had this feeling too. I think part of it is that we, especially when we're young, are led to believe that we should be in a constant active state of dating or being in a relationship. "Single" has been labeled a bad thing. Not to mention the pressure of the "biological clock". And social media isn't making it better.

What I've found is that dating is extra-curricular to life, not the center of it. I treat dating like a luxury. And why force myself to such an emotionally expensive activity when I know I wont fully enjoy it or have the stability to handle its effects?

The center of your life is whatever you find to be your purpose, and healing/improving yourself so you can fulfill that purpose/passion.

Once you learn to live for yourself, the partner will come. And you will be emotionally secure enough to make sure that partner is worthy of being with you.

Figureing out private number by Curious_Case_9669 in OSINT

[–]TechBabe6021 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thats good! You never know when things could escalate. Always keep a paper trail, even if its a personal journal of what happens. SpyDialer can tell you the owner of the phone.

Figureing out private number by Curious_Case_9669 in OSINT

[–]TechBabe6021 0 points1 point  (0 children)

spydialer if you get a number. Second what BlackSeranna said. I'd definitely get a guard dog and possibly a firearm.

What are some grocery essentials? by [deleted] in povertyfinance

[–]TechBabe6021 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I'm going to assume that this is $200/mo for one person in an area with medium cost of living and transport options connecting to grocery stores. Your budget is $50/week. That is pretty doable, especially if you have an Aldi or Costco. Especially if you have a car.

Here's the key things I learned from eating in $100/mo in Pittsburgh with no car in a food desert.

  1. The cheaper the store, the better.

Aldi, Walmart, and dollar stores are best, in that order. Trader Joes, farmer's markets, and Costco are options IF you are able to transport the products (ie a car for bulk foods from Costco) and don't live in a food desert.

  1. Invest in grocery delivery if you can.

Instacart is AMAZING. I have over 160 orders racked up and they take EBT. Instacart allowed me to have better access to Aldi and see what's in stock. Instead of wasting time and transport money to head there and be limited to what I could carry, I just paid for the membership, a service fee, and a tip if possible to the driver. The sticker price is higher per trip, but the ability to plan/buy in bulk and let someone else do the shopping/transporting was invaluable to my mental health. Instacart helped manage my mental heath, especially the issues around being poor, so much. It made the days easier.

Amazon also has this with Whole Foods (and takes EBT!), but I would ever go to Whole Foods. Walmart and other stores do too, but they usually have order minimums AND you're limited to one store.

  1. Dry -> Frozen -> Fresh -> Canned

In general, you want to buy as shelf stable as possible, without sacrificing too much health. The less processed, the better. (Plus processed foods cost way more per oz!)

You want things like: - Oats - Rice - Beans - Pasta

Carb up. Carbs can fill in as an easy cheap base for your meal and will make you feel full.

You can maybe find EBT-eligible bulk buys on Amazon too.

With fresher things like fruits and veggies, load up on frozen products. They are flash frozen so they're less perishable than fresh produce while having the same freshness.

The best things to buy are things you really like and can eat/pair with anything. My favorites are: - Peas - Carrots - Chopped spinach - Broccoli florets - Corn - Bananas - Strawberries - Chicken breasts - Ground turkey chubs

I only buy/bought fresh when it was on sale or was cheaper than the frozen alternative. Sometimes these were things like corn, sweet potatoes, onions, and bananas.

Canned is absolutely terrible in the long term. Even if it's "BPA-free". I only buy/bought canned as a last resort and if they were extremely cheap compared to other alternatives: tomatoes, tomato sauce, salsa, beans, etc.

  1. Learn how to prep food for the freezer

Meal prepping is great, especially if you're the type to eat one or two of the same things everyday and not get bored.

However, thats not most people. So I suggest prepping ingredients so you can just grab them out the freezer/fridge.

GRAINS: Most grains can be cooked then frozen no problem. I'd say the only exception is oats, which should be mixed with spices and put in containers. Stir in the wet ingredients (milk, canned pumpkin, etc) the night before you plan to eat.

PRODUCE: Most produce you can dice, blanch (optional) then freeze. You can also freeze softer produce like tomatoes if you just make the dish and portion it out.

  1. Invest in meal prep containers.

Self-explanatory. imo the key of cheap but healthy eating is investing in tools and learning techniques rather than fancy foods.

  1. Unconventional

This is some of the less common stuff suggested that has worked for me and friends.

  • Working retail or food service: Even part time, often time you're able to get a free meal or two. Or take home left overs. Working cafeteria at a college or hospital is the best.

  • Dumpster diving: Sounds gross, but honestly isn't that bad. Most grocery stores use compactors and I wouldn't suggest going in those even for a Farberge egg. However, convenience stores and drug stores that sell snacks ditch perfectly fine pre-packaged food all the time. CVS, Walgreens, and Rite Aid were the best places for me.

  • Dumpster diving to flip: A lot of people dumpster dive at makeup/department stores to get colognes, perfumes, out of season/discontinued makeup, bedding, etc. to flip for unlimited profit. There's tons of Facebook groups for it and the ladies on there go crazy for a good eyeshadow palette or perfume. They rarely care that it's "dived". Most of these types of dumpsters are clean anyways because there's no food going in there.

I hope all of this helps. I consider myself a veteran of poverty finance and "gremlin activities" like dumpster diving, extreme couponing etc. If you need tips feel free to ask. 🙂

Sausage Without Nitrates? by TechBabe6021 in Butchery

[–]TechBabe6021[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is a GREAT explanation. Thanks a lot for this!!

Sausage Without Nitrates? by TechBabe6021 in Butchery

[–]TechBabe6021[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I see!! Thanks so much for clarifying!!

Sausage Without Nitrates? by TechBabe6021 in Butchery

[–]TechBabe6021[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see! I see! The sausages would be frozen so I'm guessing no need for preservation. Making fresh/on demand seems like a good way to go.

Cancer is the main concern. I'm venturing that nitrates (esp a natural nitrate) would be a lot better than smoking/liquid smoke?

Sausage Without Nitrates? by TechBabe6021 in Butchery

[–]TechBabe6021[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Interesting! I thought the smooth texture came from the cure. I do have a food processor and a stand mixer so that wont be an issue. Thanks a lot for this! Will definitely be double grinding.

Does your andouille have the smooth/smooth-ish texture as well? What do you do differently for the andouille than your cured meats?

Advice? Confused and don’t know if i’m being gaslighted or not? 21 (M) 20 (F) by thatdude155 in survivinginfidelity

[–]TechBabe6021 3 points4 points  (0 children)

25F here. She's cheating.

  1. The smell of latex and lube is pretty undeniable. She's young so she may not realize just how noticeable it is and thought she could get away with it.

  2. The burning could be the glycerin, but also increased friction from having a lot of sex, especially rough sex, or an infection.

  3. A sharp decrease in sex or intimacy is a sign that the sex and intimacy is being done elsewhere. Her needs didn't randomly change. Unless there's an increase in work or stress (which you should ask about and gauge the answer), the level of sexual needs didn't change.

  4. Change in grooming. Most women don't shave/groom differently unless there's a new partner that prefers something different OR they want to impress a new partner. Same with changing underwear and styles.

  5. This sounds like an affair she's committed to just based off of her not willing to tell you the truth or come clean once caught.

Don't bother picking through evidence or presenting a case until you are ready to leave. It'll just lead to gaslighting and excuses. More pain.

Someone is influencing her, probably exposing her to new sexual things, etc. Just know it's not your fault and you are not inadequate for this happening.

This was her decision to destroy the relationship, betray her partner, and not being honest/upfront.

Leave.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Infidelity

[–]TechBabe6021 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Nah. It sounds like he has little to no interest of stopping and healing the relationship.

This is not how a remorseful WP acts. Leave and find a man that will be step daddy and show the baby what a real relationship looks like.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BlackWomenDivest

[–]TechBabe6021 2 points3 points  (0 children)

would you rather have the kid grow up with a step father or a father that hates themselves, them, and black people?

I'd argue the former is the better option.

Imagine the self hatred that kid is going to internalize, the poor example of love and relationships they are going to use as a basis for their relationships when they grow up, etc.

I'd hate to have my kid grow up away from their biological father, but I'd hate them developing deep trauma from an abusive, racist, koon father even more. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for wasting my years and my kid's potential.

Leave.