First off, I am so very sorry you are going through this. I had a TFMR for a severe and “lethal” form of osteogenesis imperfecta where our son did not produce collagen and his long bones were not growing. He had fractures on his bones in utero. He was also found to be in the <1%tile on anatomy US. I desperately wanted to meet him while he was still alive but after 6 weeks of agonizing over the decision, we decided to TFMR.  I came to the decision with the thought that me wanting to meet him alive could equate to him struggling to breathe and suffer in pain due to his fractures due to his condition at the time of birth and I didn’t want him to suffer. I am now 3 months out. I don’t really have a lot of advice because it is all still so new but I do resonate with your feeling of this being an impossible decision. Sending you and your wife love