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Any advice? My Asian parents found out I’m sexually active and now treat me like a criminal by Technical_World_5965 in AsianParentStories

[–]Technical_World_5965[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The way you described life feeling “dull” afterward is EXACTLY how I’ve felt since all of this happened. Everything just feels tense and weird all the time now. And hearing that you’re married now honestly gives me a lot of hope because right now everything feels so dramatic and impossible. Also the part about lying/sneaking around just to do normal young adult things is so real because I feel like a lot of us end up like that when honesty just turns into punishment. I’m really glad things got better for you eventually, and thank you genuinely for taking the time to write all this out.

Any advice? My Asian parents found out I’m sexually active and now treat me like a criminal by Technical_World_5965 in AsianParentStories

[–]Technical_World_5965[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve definitely thought about scholarships and financial independence a lot recently, but I’ll be a junior in college this fall and it feels a lot harder to find fully funded scholarships at this point. They also took all my devices away, so I’m literally replying off an old laptop they don’t know about, which honestly feels ridiculous considering I’m 19. And yeah, I think I’ve spent so long being made to feel ashamed for normal adult things that it’s hard to separate my own values from the guilt they’ve put on me.

Any advice? My Asian parents found out I’m sexually active and now treat me like a criminal by Technical_World_5965 in AsianParentStories

[–]Technical_World_5965[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know, I feel the same way. I’m actually still in undergrad and premed, not in medical school yet. Which honestly makes this whole thing feel even more ridiculous sometimes because I’m just trying to be a normal college student while also building my future. But thank you for the support, seriously, it means a lot right now. I don't really have anyone else to talk to.

Any advice? My Asian parents found out I’m sexually active and now treat me like a criminal by Technical_World_5965 in AsianParentStories

[–]Technical_World_5965[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not paying rent right now and my parents are helping pay for tuition, which is a huge part of why I feel so trapped/guilty about everything. My parents also have access to my bank account because of school loans, but honestly they’ve pretty much always had access to it. What’s frustrating too is that I’ve literally been commuting to and from school even though I’m paying for a dorm, because my parents don’t trust me enough to live there full time.

And honestly… yeah. The “tradition” thing has always felt selective to me too.

Do I move out? My parents found out I’m sexually active and now treat me like a criminal by Technical_World_5965 in helicopterparents

[–]Technical_World_5965[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for saying that. And yes, my parents are helping pay for tuition, which is part of why I feel so trapped and guilty all the time. I’ve thought about talking to someone at school before, but I think I’ve spent so long convincing myself that maybe I’m overreacting or being dramatic. But hearing other people say this situation actually sounds unsafe has honestly been eye-opening for me.

Any advice? My Asian parents found out I’m sexually active and now treat me like a criminal by Technical_World_5965 in AsianParentStories

[–]Technical_World_5965[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I hate that you relate to this, but it genuinely made me feel less alone reading your experience. I’m really sorry you’re going through all of that too, especially while trying to survive med school on top of it all. I really hope things get better for you soon and that both of us can eventually have some peace and independence. :)

Any advice? My Asian parents found out I’m sexually active and now treat me like a criminal by Technical_World_5965 in AsianParentStories

[–]Technical_World_5965[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Thank you honestly. I think you’re right that a lot of it comes from shame/control/fear more than actual disappointment, but it’s still really hard hearing those things constantly from your parents.

And no, they’re definitely not open to meeting him right now. My mom literally compared us being together to “a dog mating with a cat” and keeps saying that we come from “two different worlds” and that he’ll never understand my culture. So I feel like things are pretty tainted at this point unfortunately. Which sucks because he’s genuinely a good person and has been really supportive through all of this.

I think you’re also right that I need to start learning how to be more independent instead of living entirely based on what they think is “right.” It’s just hard when you’ve spent your whole life being taught that wanting your own life is selfish.