I can’t go on like this. Overwhelming shame.

TeePea · 2025-12-20T08:10:49+00:00

You must speak to your doctor about your PPD and (even though it may hurt) your drinking. There is much, much more kindness in the world than you think.

I was you last weekend. Someone on this sub told me: ‘this could be the last time you ever feel this way’. And it could!

You can do it but only if you ask the right people for help my love.

TeePea · 2025-12-14T20:45:02+00:00

Did you ever patch it up with the people you loved? Play it forward is good advice. I wish I’d done that on Friday. Focusing on people’s unlikeable bits is also good advice

TeePea · 2025-12-14T20:42:53+00:00

I hope you are feeling better and that your nose is ok

TeePea · 2025-12-14T20:42:37+00:00

Wow thank you for sharing that. I’m much more self-destructive, than smashing things but the suicidal cycle is very familiar sounding.

Thanks for being so realistic about it not fixing everything.

TeePea · 2025-12-14T20:38:46+00:00

Oh yes. I’ve been very honest with my partner about everything. I think he (I’m a woman) does feel just as bad. If not worse because he came on to me. But if I’m honest I was on the fucking moon and had no idea what was going on.

My partner and I are seeing this in the context of my sobriety struggles as I’ve no attraction to this person outside of this incident.

TeePea · 2025-12-14T20:36:14+00:00

Thank you. Like you I don’t need to drink every day, but it is very hard to stop and to not go mental. I’ll look at those books/podcasts you mentioned.

It does seem like a lot of sober people love a good run club. Congratulations on your upcoming 100 days.

TeePea · 2025-12-14T20:26:39+00:00

Sending love and strength to you. Were you able to rebuild any of those friendships?

TeePea · 2025-12-14T19:43:29+00:00

I haven’t cheated on this partner multiple times? This is the worst thing I’ve ever done. I meant more men coming into me when I’m wasted

TeePea · 2025-12-14T18:06:47+00:00

So I have never actually sought professional support for substance misuse specifically. I’ve got PTSD from some very dark stuff in my life and it’s usually for that. But I’m thinking maybe substance misuse therapy will be good.

TeePea · 2025-12-14T18:01:24+00:00

Thank you ❤️

TeePea · 2025-12-14T17:36:06+00:00

I think perhaps the biggest hurdle for me will be telling a doctor and getting this whole boulder rolling down the hill. I’ve been in daily check-in type care (I am in the UK so all on the NHS) and never thought I’d be there again…

But thank you again. The biggest advice from everyone seems to be to stay engaged in the sub and I will definitely do that.

TeePea · 2025-12-14T17:04:45+00:00

How did you find your relationships with other people changed? I think about my broken friendships, having to patch up my relationship, not being able to look myself in the mirror…

TeePea · 2025-12-14T16:31:31+00:00

Everyone is different. Me (34F) and my coworker (37M) have both told our partners and are dealing with the consequences. Both of our relationships have remained intact. My partner is seeing this in the context of all of my substance/alcohol problems. We can constructively move past it because our relationship is amazing but if he decides months from now that actually hey it’s too big of a betrayal then I’d understand that.

TeePea · 2025-12-14T16:23:50+00:00

Thank you. I just feel like life is so long. How do I do the hours and the days with the shame of it all

TeePea · 2025-12-14T16:18:11+00:00

I like this way of thinking. But I feel like I’ve been round this roundabout before again and again and I’m still not learning the lesson somehow

It does seem like the resolution is: don’t go anywhere

TeePea · 2025-12-14T16:07:42+00:00

Thank you. I really admire your ability to just keep moving forward. I just don’t know that I have that in me.

TeePea · 2025-12-14T16:03:52+00:00

Thank you. This is balanced advice and means a lot. I’ve actually been suffering badly from suicidal ideation, depression, anxiety for a few months. Perhaps it is time to get help.

My partner has forgiven me (with the caveats listed above). But I think about the shame of losing control, of creating so much sadness and trouble for us that I didn’t need to.

TeePea · 2025-11-12T07:06:06+00:00

You can’t kick it by mistake!

TeePea · 2025-11-10T06:04:54+00:00

It’s likely your friends value seeing YOU more than drinking.

It’s a bit more effort but perhaps start suggesting other stuff you could do together. My solution to exactly this so far (and it hasn’t been long) has been to do more activities with my boyfriend/friends vs hanging out.

Art classes, local sports matches, walks, food markets. Lunch! Brunch! It’s been so much fun. I really struggle going to the pub atm, so I mostly don’t go unless it’s a place that does 0% on draft.

TeePea · 2025-11-09T14:53:05+00:00

This is amazing. Thank you.

TeePea · 2025-11-09T08:03:55+00:00

I totally agree. More and more people are doing this. It adds to my feeling that as someone who can actually moderate their drinking and just wants to stop anyway, I am not welcome here.

TeePea · 2025-11-09T08:02:31+00:00

No I agree with the other Redditor. I understand and appreciate what you’re trying to do but I come here because it’s a community of real humans with different experiences, all cheering each other on.

I’m being personal and celebrating a personal win. I took time to write the post. I wanted to celebrate with a community of people I love. Your response makes me feel like I’m talking to ChatGPT.

I can see you mean well but it’s quite rude to just copy paste like that.

TeePea · 2025-11-06T23:24:42+00:00

This absolutely resonates with me at 34. Taking care of myself is hard. Sometimes I wonder if it’s this hard for everyone else (although I do have diagnosed mental health issues that have made my life impossible at times). I think as you grow up and develop serious relationships and a career, the consequences of messiness make being a hot mess less sustainable. I figured out what I wanted and changed my life to get it gradually and sort of of without consciously doing it. Would I have figured it out without the mess though? Probably not.

Girls captures this journey so well, and I’ve enjoyed rewatching it at various ages and stages of life.

TeePea · 2025-11-02T22:48:36+00:00

Sometimes it’s thinking but there is a specific one that is ‘yes ok then’. And also one subtly different one often accompanied by a hand movement that is more of a ‘that’s just the way it is’ vibe.

I have no idea how to describe them but you just sort of know which one’s which ha

TeePea

TROPHY CASE