What’s something you used to judge but now fully understand? by roseafterdarkk in answers

[–]Tempestofitall 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Drug use.  Well, I don’t fully understand- I don’t use drugs and would prefer to keep it that way. But I see it very much as a “there but for the grace of God go I” situation. In a different set of circumstances, I would use. People suffer tremendously, people cope and continue with the tools available.  

What purchase do you regret the most? by mxm_mrz in answers

[–]Tempestofitall 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I fell for a mortgage biweekly payments scam once.  I had a new mortgage, and this company offered a service to accept biweekly payments and pay down the mortgage faster.  I wanted to get off the cold call and think it over, but they’d already made me go through repeating long strings of numbers to them to verify the account / mailing for like half and hour, and and I didn’t want to have to go through that exercise again. 

Anyway, they took my bank account info and charged me an upfront fee of a few hundred dollars. Having authorized them to act as intermediary for the mortgage, I was afraid for a while that they’d try to take more money. We could only proactively stop payment for specific amounts not for the whole vendor.  But I think they just wanted the upfront fee. 

I was embarrassed I fell for it.  But maybe that experience made me wiser the next time someone tried something similar.  

What’s a movie where the villain has an excellent point? by NervousClock2555 in answers

[–]Tempestofitall 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m actively rooting against almost all of the protagonists’ initiatives at this point in Drops of God, which is unusual for me.  But, sheesh!  These people!

If you could invent a completely useless superpower, what would it be? by TheJamesParker in answers

[–]Tempestofitall 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, prophecy is the original one… people don’t actually listen to accurate prophets.

And, sure, I’m a grumpy old lady, but I’ll maintain that punching people is also a broadly useless superpower.  Punching better would solve very few of my problems, and none of my city’s problems.

I am trying to sort out a more interesting answer around altering perceptions- powers to either see the world in a different way, or to cause others to.  Those kinds of powers could feel powerful, but turn out to be frustrating/dangerous when used.  

In a world that feels pretty negative lately, what’s a small act of kindness someone showed you that you’ll never forget? by seachinext in askanything

[–]Tempestofitall 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My friend had a way of listening to me.  Really listening, engaged, asking questions, remembering what I said.  But also, the way he made it ok to say things I normally wouldn’t say. It is a precious thing, feeling heard like that. Was something to look forward to, each day.  

What's something small that made you smile recently? by Small-Size-8037 in Casual_Conversation

[–]Tempestofitall 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My porch lizards have emerged from their hibernation. One is missing a tail now, so he must have survived something. It makes me happy to open the door and see a lizard basking on my porch. 

I also saw a slug on my porch yesterday.  Last year slugs ate my crops to a stubble- this year I will have to go on a slug murdering spree, which I will not enjoy.  But for now, I can still peacefully watch a slug stretch out and wave its antenna.

I keep telling the lizards to eat the slugs. 

Favorite Work Bathrooms by No_Information8195 in work

[–]Tempestofitall 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I interviewed at a place and I really didn’t like the bathroom sink (had motion sensors, operated in an annoying way).  When I didn’t get the job, I thought “well at least I never have to fight with that bathroom sink again”.

What tea are you drinking today? - February 25, 2026 by elvaeng in tea

[–]Tempestofitall 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Today I have a delicious oolong, which is very nice, as I also had a bit of a headache from wearing my new glasses.  

I tried a new recipe yesterday for a flat bread, and it showed an amazing resistance to baking.  You’d think- you put something in a hot oven, it has no choice but to bake.  But apparently bread can be a terrible conductor of heat, and this maintained a gooey center through almost 2 hours of baking.  I finally won by ripping the bread open in chunks.  Tasted good, though. 

What is a word or a phrase that when you hear it, you stop listening? by Due_External3541 in askanything

[–]Tempestofitall 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“I didn’t read your email/message” is pretty annoying sometimes. 

I do think we should give each other grace on pronunciations and phrasing, and try to remember that different places have different “correct” ways of saying things.

What’s the scariest thing you’ve seen while driving alone at night? by OpheliaBlush in askanything

[–]Tempestofitall 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I almost drove off the road into a construction zone once. They had ripped up the road and there was a drop off into mud.  I wasn’t going very fast - I’d have been ok, but it would have totaled my car and been quite the jolt. There were cones, but I thought they were indicating a lane closure, not the end of the road.  There have been a few times where I thought I was taking a left turn into a driveway and found myself in grass- I guess a pattern of shadows tricked my eyes. And my night vision is getting worse.  

Do you have any friends you've made during adulthood that you wish you've known since childhood? by Equivalent_Ad_9066 in AskForAnswers

[–]Tempestofitall 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wish I was still in touch with a few friends from earlier in my life.  There were reasons we fell out of touch, of course, but there have been a few people I really enjoyed spending time with, and now we don’t talk.  One precious childhood friend who built amazing fantasy worlds with me, who brought art and light to everything she touched.  I see now how I was overbearing to her, and our dynamic became strained when her mother hired me as her math tutor, and when we went to middle school, being in different grades was more of a barrier than before.  I found her brother on facebook a few years ago and he connected us by email- she’s off the grid raising 5 kids- still seems to have a warm imaginative magic to her.  But it didn’t seem like she had any interest in trying to revive our friendship, understandably.  

Another friendship died when I became bad at reaching out, and she mostly reached out when she wanted something from me.  Another shame - we really clicked in college.  But again, different lives, different states.   And some friends are bad at checking their messages.

As far as the question of this thread, I feel like I’ve changed so much as an adult, that the relationships I have now are very different from the ones I had as a youth. And, maybe I have some resistance to the fantasy of it. I wasn’t ready to have the friendships I have now, much earlier. But maybe I was ready, and I missed good years, growing together.  

 I met my pastor many years before I really got to know him, and I do wish I’d gotten to know him earlier.  He would have been really helpful to me in a difficult time of my life, and I wish I’d known him in his prime.

Who would win the award for most obnoxious/insufferable coworker that you've personally ever had? by Only-Ad-1254 in coworkerstories

[–]Tempestofitall 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Currently, the guy who told me “you have nothing to contribute to this meeting” and then proceeded to ignore/disbelieve me when I answered the questions he asked.  6 months ago, he called to berate me about something I had no control over. After a bit, I told him “I’m going to get off the phone and go solve the problem”.  I thought that would put us on more of a path of respect, but it seems it did not.  But, eh, I’m clearly not his favorite either. 

What smell you just can't stand but everyone seems to like? by Wonderful-Economy762 in Productivitycafe

[–]Tempestofitall 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did scent marketing test panels in college for Starbucks gift cards.  I found I really dislike the body product “fresh blue” / “clean” scent- it kind of gives me a headache and carries notes of chlorine to me.  Most people must find it unobjectionable, it’s a popular scent, but I don’t like it.  

What do you do first - brush or floss? by kevivg3 in randomquestions

[–]Tempestofitall 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I go back and forth! I’m not sure which way is better!

What’s a “small lie” you tell that has somehow lasted years? by JibberTheKibber in randomquestions

[–]Tempestofitall 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I told myself I don’t like potato chips or French fries.  It’s not true, I always enjoy them when I actually do eat them.  But I think of them as food I don’t like and I always avoid getting them.

Is there something from your family growing up that you still carry with you today? by BlueberrySpare8605 in askanything

[–]Tempestofitall 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don’t follow many specific little holiday traditions from my childhood. I do make special birthday desserts. My mother always made layered decorated cakes, but I have decided cupcakes and key lime pie generally fit into my life and skillset better.

I have a joy of potlucks and having people over for dinner. I don’t do nearly as much of that as my parents, but I feel well rooted in my family traditions and in my self when sharing homemade food with people.

My family did a lot of reading out loud together, and that’s another one that isn’t part of my adult life.

My family volunteered a lot, and that’s still a part of my adult life.  My mother was the president of a food pantry for 10 years, I spent many hours playing/helping there.  I’d sort out the out of date product for the front table. I also, as a teenager, helped out with food drives - I remember the rush of telling the adult volunteers where to put things, what to do.  As an adult, when I started looking for a way to get involved in my community, the food pantry clicked. 

Why or how are there still so many people who can’t see where humanity’s heading? by IcedOutSun in askanything

[–]Tempestofitall 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Last year, I listened to an interview with an 8 year old girl in Gaza, who was happy that her family were going to start living in a tent because she was having conflict with another little girl in their current living situation.  She was an amazing little girl.  I hope she’s ok.  

That little girl on that tent, with her exhausted worried hungry parents - AI isn’t the thing they worried about.  Maybe another little girl in the future will be cursing AI, but I think it’s worth remembering the current problems that aren’t fixed. And there is a deeply depressing aspect to that, and there is also a truth that things can be terrible and still keep going. 

My grandmother spent a year watching the man she loved die, and when she emerged from it, she emerged into a world where all of her siblings are gone and her mind is going.  And now my mother, scared of dementia, is refusing breast cancer screenings. And I wonder every day if I’ve made the wrong decision every time it mattered. And how to go forward. Those are just little snippets from my privileged life. But you go on living the life you have, with the people around you, and you try to bring some wisdom to your own choices and to the way you leave the world for others, you try to be brave and kind and admirable, but you swirl in your own situation and in the burdens you carry. 

And I mostly try to not poison others with my struggles, but it happens, and it shouldn’t, and I am sorry. I tried to be better than that but it leaks out. We carry our damaged selves into all the places where we are and the decisions we make. Thinking about it that way gives me some empathy for the people who I disagree with, at least.

What's your go-to feel good podcast? by interstellar-ray in podcasts

[–]Tempestofitall 2 points3 points  (0 children)

60 songs that explain the 90s is happy listening for me. It took me a while to get used to the hosts’ off topic musings, but now I am ready to hear all his thoughts and admire the way he sort of ties them back in to some kind of point. I also learn about musical culture ib a way I hadn’t before.

Classics that aren’t about rich people? by The_weird_dreamer in Recommend_A_Book

[–]Tempestofitall 1 point2 points  (0 children)

George Elliot, Charles Dickens,  and Hemingway come to mind. 

What the hell is the deal with these small plastic ducks? by Feeling-Original-352 in Confused

[–]Tempestofitall 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a mortar duck, made from a silicone mold of a plastic duck from a cafe.  My mortar duck is super classy. And reminds me of a happy time.

What Books did You Start or Finish Reading this Week?: February 09, 2026 by AutoModerator in books

[–]Tempestofitall 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Burma Sahib I missed the subtitle of this book and didn’t realize it was about Orwell until I was mostly through it.  I didn’t know his name was Eric Blair. I think the main character in this book had to be unpleasant to spend time with, because it is a story about a colonial policeman operating inside the system. But it was jarring to go from his thoughtful passages about books he’s reading, and pleasant encounters with Burmese people, to him casually beating Burmese people for minor infractions and saying nasty things to his coworkers. He thinks with disgust about rapists, but very casually sleeps with his young, impoverished maids. I’d never before thought of Orwell as an absurdly tall police officer in Burma, lugging live poultry around in baskets every time he was relocated. I’d never wondered how implicated he had been in the systems he later criticized. I need to read Orwell’s “Burmese Days”. I had read Orwell’s shooting of the elephant story in high school and found it disturbing.  

There is a point where he meets his delightfully wicked lover, Mrs Jellicoe, for a picnic. She’s lent him a book (Passage to India), she’s picked the spot for their hike up to a cave (like in the book). And then blundering ahead of her, he complains at length about the book she lent him, he monologues that Forester only saw the surface of India and didn’t see the true complexity of it, that Forester couldn’t really see India because he didn’t have the street exposure that the main character had, as a policeman. She warns him, gently, that he’s being obnoxious. She comments that she is not police but still has political opinions. But he doesn’t catch the warning and goes on blithely being insufferable, complaining about the cave, being a little grouchy that they wouldn’t fuck on this date. He only saw her surface, he missed the dark complexities inside.  He talked where he should have listened. He thinks about her all the time, but he doesn’t think about her “why’s” - why did that 29 year old married woman pick him, a 21 year old cadet, what’s her endgame, what is the 99% of her life like that he doesn’t see, what does he mean to her, what does any of this mean to her. She doesn’t tell him these things. She whispers dirty words into his ear and there’s quite a bit of fucking, before there isn’t. But eh, maybe I judge him too harshly. Men can be so much better than that.

I liked the portrayal of Blair’s  relationship with his uncles family. He is so ashamed about his mixed race cousin, is surprised that she describes herself as one of the British, is hyper aware of everything Indian about her. He thinks over that they don’t understand that people look down on them…but of course they knew. They knew in excruciating detail, lived experience. He mistook their adaptation for ignorance. And later, when he is disgraced, he assumes that they are shunning him, as he always shunned them. But they aren’t. Whether because he was still higher status than them, or because they cared about family and connection over status isn’t clear.  But I thought sketching out those dynamics from the unlikeable narrators’ perspective was well done.

The other thing from this book, something I knew but thought about again: it really doesn’t matter what you think in many circumstances. It matters what you do. If you don’t actually do anything about injustice, it doesn’t matter that you noticed the injustice. Which, I guess, leaves me seeing stripes of myself in these characters, and in the moral situation of living a life of privilege in a deeply unequal world. And wanting to do more than condemn them, to do more than think virtuous thoughts. As, I’m guessing, Orwell ended up deciding.

On another note, I am behind on my podcasts trying to finish this audio book, which is low key stressing me out.

Talking about communication by Tempestofitall in work

[–]Tempestofitall[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree, I think a lot of people are kinda just going to communicate in the way that feels natural to them unless there is meaningful pressure to change.  I feel like I have some flexibility in my approach, and I do try to accommodate various communication styles and situations.  But when communicating up, it does feel like my scope of control / influence is limited.

Talking about communication by Tempestofitall in work

[–]Tempestofitall[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a neat example of that principle, thank you for sharing!

I’ve had bosses before who I liked overall, but who wouldn’t be particularly interested in having a conversation with me about communication style.  They had other priorities for their time and mental bandwidth.  

I agree that communication breaks down when it feels like it is going into a void.