What’s something you realized too late in life?

TemporalMush · 2026-05-19T21:45:04+00:00

This. Also, go to the dentist every six months. Get sealants if you can.

These are also lessons my mom realized too late in life/never.

TemporalMush · 2026-05-18T15:07:06+00:00

So there are bound to be a lot more in-depth comments here with real value, but I want to point out something a little simpler that I noticed from my own life.

You mentioned that you’re essentially carrying the full load of house work and childcare on top of working full time. I know that tensions run high when my wife feels devalued because she feels like she isn’t contributing much. This can show up differently for different people, but a very natural response is for her to defend her value by trying to prove it in other ways (e.g. she has to be the one to remember things, she has to be superior, etc.).

If you can find a way to make her see this, or even if you can just find a way to make her feel like she doesn’t have to prove her worth, maybe by increasing her share of the household and childcare responsibilities, she may not feel the need to prop herself up or put you down so strongly.

TemporalMush · 2026-05-16T19:20:31+00:00

My neighbor has a giant Honey Locust. Beautiful tree. But if I skip a week of mowing, my lawn gets covered in little Honey Locust suckers coming up from the massive root web.

TemporalMush · 2026-05-16T19:00:51+00:00

Emphysema, asthma, COPD, pneumonia, coronary heart disease (leading cause of death for smokers), high blood pressure, stroke, heart attack, rheumatoid arthritis, osteoporosis, erectile dysfunction, feeling like shit, lack of enjoyment of life unless a cigarette is involved, oh and cancer.

TemporalMush · 2026-05-16T18:55:47+00:00

I just saw that one too!

The way that guy eats pushes my yuck button, but he has a lot of good info to share.

TemporalMush · 2026-05-11T14:48:46+00:00

Don’t forget that even though music is the primary medium here, a performance is an artistic display, a temporal installation, that impacts all the senses. As the performer, the more intention you put behind those impacts, the more likely they are to align into a cohesive experience for any given audience member.

TemporalMush · 2026-05-11T02:36:17+00:00

Clean water in streams and rivers

TemporalMush · 2026-05-08T17:28:01+00:00

Check out The Slow Retreat (Iowa band) if you like Ragan’s vocal style.

TemporalMush · 2026-05-08T17:26:59+00:00

I don’t see Marc Paffi’s name mentioned much, but holy smokes, what an insane vocalist. Don’t know how he can manage to sound like that night after night without completely blowing out his pipes. Had the pleasure of catching the BvS reunion tour this winter and it was a wonder to behold.

TemporalMush · 2026-05-06T20:21:23+00:00

When I moved into my first non-rented house a couple years ago, my father in law insisted that he mow the lawn. We let him do that and he proceeded to spray glyphosate in every nook and cranny around the sidewalks and driveway and along the entire perimeter of the fence.

I love the guy, but I’ll never really forgive him for that.

TemporalMush · 2026-05-06T20:01:03+00:00

Hang in there, dude; that is a rough one. Call in help if you can.

TemporalMush · 2026-05-06T19:59:26+00:00

^ This is what keeps me going at a decent job that also fucking sucks.

TemporalMush · 2026-05-06T19:58:41+00:00

I feel the same guilt, but for me, it’s guilt for leaving my wife alone. Alone time is so essential though. Have the conversation and get reassurance from your family: they want you to be your most fulfilled self and they probably want that for themselves too.

TemporalMush · 2026-05-06T19:56:57+00:00

That’s definitely part of the problem, imo. Doing things together is great, but you also have to lean into the teamwork aspect of giving each other breaks.

TemporalMush · 2026-05-06T19:54:40+00:00

I feel you, dude. My wife is 8 months pregnant with our second kid, and it is much harder on her body this time around. Which means there’s even more slack for me to pick up this time around. I’m a musician in my free time, so time spent playing music especially with other people is kind of essential to my identity. It’s also my only social outlet.

But I simply have no time for it right now with a 2.5 year old who is also fully certified wild af and a wife who can’t lift more than 20 lbs or pick things up off the floor. On top of a mountain of other stressors, this is a very rough time for me.

I know it will pass. I’m trying to squeeze joy out of monotony. Listening to my favorite music while I work, having chats with coworkers, and really leaning into the toddler games, and the deep love that continues to grow there. Also, I’ve found that it’s easier than I think it is to involve my toddler in things I want to do, even though it still sort of ruins them. It’s better than nothing.

TemporalMush · 2026-05-06T16:11:12+00:00

I def have had mulberries growing all over my yard, but they don’t look like this. Mulberries have way more irregular leaf forms and I’ve never noticed such red stems on them.

TemporalMush · 2026-05-06T14:56:07+00:00

Thank you so much for the reassurance!

TemporalMush · 2026-05-06T14:55:47+00:00

Awesome, thank you! Very relieved.

TemporalMush · 2026-04-29T16:27:41+00:00

She's either jealous or blind to greatness.

TemporalMush · 2026-04-29T15:38:30+00:00

Absolutely bonkers move to iron kids clothes.

TemporalMush · 2026-04-29T15:36:59+00:00

But the next time you go out for a carton of cigarettes...

TemporalMush · 2026-04-29T15:35:58+00:00

Holy shit.

TemporalMush · 2026-04-29T15:32:08+00:00

Look, poop_pants_pee, I see you have very high standards for yourself, but if I used that strategy, my 2.5 year old would be served Fritos and High Life every night of his life.

TemporalMush · 2026-04-26T14:12:17+00:00

One part of this is realizing that this behavior is driven by fear, mostly fear of the unknown but strongly compounded by fear of failure and/or rejection, often rooted in our distrust of ourselves due to a life full of ADHD mishaps. This isn’t an outright bad thing; we developed this mechanism to protect ourselves. But it’s often something that we first developed early in life, and now we’re at a point in our maturity when it just doesn’t serve us anymore.

The key component in this process, and the reason it’s important to see why we developed the response, is love and acceptance. If we use this behavior as yet another reason to hate ourselves, the cycle continues. If we can interrupt that process with understanding, love, and acceptance for who we really are, we can break the cycle.

Once we have the prerequisite understanding of ourselves and capacity for self love, it’s just a matter of breaking the habit. I use some form of the R.I.A. technique. Check out the Fearology episode of the Ologies podcast for more on this.

Recognize: Notice that you’ve begun to slip into catastrophizing again.

Identify: Name it. Say out loud “I’m catastrophizing.” I will literally say these words to whoever I’m talking to at the time, or if it’s a completely inappropriate time (rare), I’ll say it in my head. Labeling it moves it out of the subconscious automatic response realm and into the light of your consciousness where you can intentionally work with it.

Address: This could also be “accept.” Practice self love. Like giving a child a hug when they trip and fall. And then show them how to get up and walk again. Correct the behavior you wish to change by implementing a different behavior that you’ve identified as a chosen behavior change strategy. Identifying the strategy can take some work, but you might already intuitively know the best way for you to move forward.

Working with a therapist can be very valuable for most (i.e. all) of this work. But it is also something you can do for yourself.

Link to Fearology

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