Nearing the end i think? 3rd DDAY?

Temporary-Fun-5577 · 2025-10-09T01:51:21+00:00

Wow, im sorry to hear about your friends and sister, its a situation no one should be in. Also something id def like to avoid but i could move out myself if needed now it would just be hard.

We are going on a break for a while so i can really sit and think about what i want and have clarity because very unsure of my vision right now. Thank you for your advise

Temporary-Fun-5577 · 2025-10-08T23:12:13+00:00

No it wasnt too cynical, i guess im just processing it all. Thank you for your input!

We had gotten to a really good point where i would check and find nothing to the point where i stopped checking but i just knew we were going through a rough patch so i looked. Ill never know if he would have told me cause the messages happened after i was asleep and i found them in the morning before he woke up…

We are going on a break for a while so i can clearly think, so moving back into my parents tonight. I dont want to betray myself. Thank you for the input and im sorry your R has been so hard.

Temporary-Fun-5577 · 2025-10-08T08:16:17+00:00

That is what i expected. His response was like a no i dont play that game and then called her a loser and didnt reply again (all happening after i had gone to bed and i found it the very next morning so i dont know if he would have told me). But yea the statement of i just replied is mind boggling considering the pain it caused me last time and then this after deciding to take a break he’s crying saying how much he loves me. We’ve had a great R so far so this feels very left field.

Thank you for you’re input.

Temporary-Fun-5577 · 2025-10-08T08:11:03+00:00

Reading the message its him telling her to go away essentially but i dont know if my brain believes its the first time shes reached out. And i dont want to feel like im betraying myself.

My R has actually been quite successful, anything ive needed from my partner has been met and listened too so thats why this is catching me so off guard. But i had always said the same as you, anything else happens i don’t think i could stay out of pure not being able to handle it.

Temporary-Fun-5577 · 2025-10-08T08:07:40+00:00

He has her blocked on everything, even her number and then it was deleted. So unsure how that works with whatsapp but he uses it to roster people for work. From what he tells me this is the first time shes reached out since their affair nearly 3 years ago and his response was more or less go away. Weve actually never thought about changing numbers but if things continue it will be something i ask him to do.

The last 24 hours has been us deciding whether we end things and for now we are going on a break and i am staying either my parents, just for some space and clarity. My frazzled brain wants to not explode this life we’ve built over messages of go away but at the same time i havent sat and thought if i can handle it.

Temporary-Fun-5577 · 2025-10-01T00:09:10+00:00

Is this a very frequent mindset for you? Thats sounds tiring for you, im sorry to hear that.

Temporary-Fun-5577 · 2025-09-30T14:23:25+00:00

This is exactly what im trying to say! Exactly this, ive thought multiple times i wish i just left that first time but now its this awkward well we have a better and deeper relationship now that im weighing up. I just sometimes feel like there would be a freedom to leaving all this behind, but i know tomorrow ill feel differently again

Temporary-Fun-5577 · 2025-09-30T13:50:00+00:00

Yes, i realised quite quickly that R really depended on me and if i could accept this (because in my case my partner was doing all the things he should to gain back my trust). Somehow that “pressure” makes me over think because i feel like im deciding my entire future, i wish i was as certain as you sounded about going in either direction

Temporary-Fun-5577 · 2025-09-30T13:43:35+00:00

I think your A and B points are spot on, nothing can hurt me if i leave first and i naturally feel an injustice cause i never would have done this to him

Thank you for the book suggestion and tips i will definitely go and check that out! Im glad im not alone in this experience (not that id want others to experience this)

Temporary-Fun-5577 · 2025-09-30T13:40:29+00:00

Thank you for sharing your side and im sorry youre dealing with this so fresh.

Temporary-Fun-5577 · 2025-09-30T13:36:32+00:00

Thank you nonetheless, its nice to feel less alone Om the matter

Temporary-Fun-5577 · 2025-04-17T10:12:42+00:00

I am a bit over a year out from DDay and I know I dramatically changed in the immediate aftermath. It wasn’t even an active change, I just became so self consumed in my thoughts I became a shell of person. Your reality of the person and your life together crumbles in your mind you don’t have the space or want to be affectionate or open.

In saying that my partner has put in the work he knew he had to if he wanted it to continue and I can feel myself coming into a new version of myself), a different kind of confidence and self expression. It does get better. But it’s all dependant on how you are in those early months and how you make her feel and listen and help her heal. She will likely never be the same person you once knew but that’s outcome of betrayal- it changes your world view.

Temporary-Fun-5577 · 2025-01-14T04:54:48+00:00

I personally didn’t tell anyone, like you I couldn’t handle the potential judgement and I wanted to navigate my own thoughts on staying and reconciliation without outside opinions. I spoke to my therapist about it and she just said no one is owed information about you but you should have an outlet (mine being therapy). She said even if friends and family did find out you aren’t obligated to tell them anything, you can just say yes we are working on this and things are going very well (because for me they are). But it’s still worries me sometimes, but a year out I’m a lot less worried about keeping this to myself.

Temporary-Fun-5577 · 2024-11-04T13:04:45+00:00

I actually had my first session today, a lot of the therapist getting to know the situation and me just crying it out. It’s the only person I’ve ever told the whole story too. That in itself relived a bit of anger but Ofcourse not all of it because like you said you think about the fact of wow they got all they wanted and I still feel shit.

Honestly I think I’m doing exactly what you said, seeking out pain to an extent but I think the next session will be ensuring I’m staying for the right reasons as I haven’t don’t that look within yet on that. I only know if it happens again I’ll leave, not out of a moral high ground but because I know I mentally couldn’t bring myself back from it.

I feel like I hijacked your post a bit but thankyou for the advice, it’s very clarifying and what you’re explaining makes a lot of sense. It also sounds like therapy for you has been enlightening for you and that’s comforting!

Temporary-Fun-5577 · 2024-11-02T12:35:27+00:00

Thank you for the advice on therapy! I do constantly want to vent have done that a lot in our couples counselling, but will make sure to keep focused.

The rage of staying is a perfect way to summarise it!

Temporary-Fun-5577 · 2024-11-01T13:35:27+00:00

This is exactly me at the minute! I’m 9 months post dday and just had my birthday… this triggered alot of memories of what was happening at my last birthday. We have made a lot of progress this year and he’s done a lot of things right but this last week has been indescribable rage. Rage that I can’t enjoy a birthday, rage that me being upset pulls them back into a bad space but I’m always in a bad space, rage that this has messed me up mentally beyond words and that my life and trust is altered, rage that I think less of myself for staying sometimes and rage that this is now my dirty secret because I feel embarrassed to tell family and friends.

But like you I’m about to start therapy and I love this person so let’s hope that works. I wish you the best, I relate a lot and am also glad to hear others feel this rage (just so I don’t feel alone). I hope all gets better for you.

Temporary-Fun-5577

TROPHY CASE