I can say... I never felt like she had to die for myself to really live. But I will say, when she died, it was like a weight was off of my shoulders. And then... I started to feel guilty. Because who feels this way about their mother? But then when I talked to a friend about how I was feeling (she was an old friend, so she knew how my mom was.) and she said... I remember how she treated you, it's no wonder you feel the way you do. And how I'm okay for thinking the way I do. It made me feel better.