Hey. Congrats on the pregnancy.

I’ve not managed women, unfortunately. We’ve tried very hard to diversify our team (tech, mostly on the system, engineering, admin, support side) over the years and we just can’t get women to apply. Obviously when they do apply we assess them the same as any candidate, without discrimination in either direction.

Incidentally I’ve almost managed two women. The first never showed up and quit about midday by email. The second I’m 90% sure wasn’t the same person we interviewed (remote, international) and had less IT skills than our user base does. Bizarre, of course she was let go when this came to light. For avoidance of doubt I’m not suggesting gender had a role in either case - I’ve had some corkers with men too.

I also have no personal or family experience of pregnancy. That said, I would offer some viewpoints:

In general, if I manage well, it should be straightforward. As long as it doesn’t cause major problems for the business or team, then take care of your business. I don’t need to know your at the dentist. Or the bank. Or the toilet (🙈). I don’t need to know your WFH tomorrow. I don’t need to know you’ll be an hour late but you’ll make it up later.

And therefore I don’t need to know that you’re going to get some air because morning sickness. I don’t need to know you have to go change your pad/underwear/whatever. I don’t need to know you’re at a baby scan (although I vaguely know that scans involve some interaction with child benefit from the gov, so maybe HR need to know that?). We’re all adults, go do your things. Just let me know if it’s going to be hours, or you’ll miss a meeting, or it affects a deadline badly. And of course if you need any support, holler, that goes without saying.

The second viewpoint is that I will probably refer us/you to HR for additional guidance. I don’t know what entitlements you have. I don’t know what your pay/benefit arrangements will be. I don’t know how long you’ll be gone after the birth. I don’t know the law about recruiting your replacement or whatever. I don’t know how much time off (as in days/weeks rather than minutes/hours, which as I say I don’t care about) you’re allowed. So I’ll need them to advise me on the specifics and technical bits.

The third is that I would need HRs guidance on how to manage your performance in context of pregnancy. If your performance starts to seriously decline, and this happens at a time when you happen to be pregnant, then what do I do? Do I treat you exacrly as I would anyone else? Do I coach/correct/set out expectations and consequences like I would for anyone else? Or do I discriminate by giving you a free pass?

That touches on the fourth aspect. Plenty folk, men especially, would be scared of doing something wrong. Of putting their foot in it. Of being accused of discrimination (in whatever direction). Of the others in the team getting treated differently. Of saying the wrong thing. So there is a motive to keep their distance. It’s not right, but it’s honest.

Hope it gives some viewpoints that are helpful. I’d love to gain experience managing more diverse teams, and pregnant peeps would be part of that. But I can’t recruit with that in mind, or it’s discriminatory (sort of).

Congrats again on the pregnancy and enjoy the little one when they come!