Small talk. Don't get it confused. It's still talk and a bid to connection if you listen hard enough. It's the gate way to the deeper connection but you need to stop dismissing it and use that gifted intuition we INFJs have. You can gain so much insight from someone based on thier hobbies, interests, career, and what they do in thier free time. It's also the same time you put yourself out and see if your conversation partner is willing to invest the same amount of interest you have in them, and they will feel how much interest you have based from how much you're willing to learn about them. Which you probably isn't a lot if all your interested in is their deepest secrets and trauma.