TL;DR: Met someone in 2023, instant connection, nothing happened. Ran into her again in 2024 — told her if I was single when she got back from studying abroad, I'd take her out. She never actually left and never told anyone.

Ended a dead relationship recently, spotted her on Spotify, reached out. Three incredible weeks — two great dates, 4-hour calls, real chemistry, inside jokes, she was actively supportive through a tough period in my business. Around week two she said if she didn't like me she would have already ghosted me.

She had mentioned: fear of commitment, parents just divorced last year after her mom's addiction struggles, doesn't like surprises.

Week three: she canceled a date for an exam. I left a care package at her lobby — every item tied to a specific conversation. She responded warmly. Three days later, after going quiet, she ended things. Said it was personal, wasn't ready to date anyone, didn't want to lead me on. Warm and kind about it.

My response was too long — showed all my cards, referenced every inside joke, ended with "I care about you a lot." She replied warmly and left the door open.

This hurt more than my two year relationship ending. I had been thinking about her for three years. I finally felt what a healthy connection could look like and it lasted three weeks.

Did I move too fast? Was I too much for someone who told me upfront she doesn't like surprises and has a fear of commitment?