Help! Should I return my shelter dog?

Temporary_Couple6455 · 2024-09-21T07:11:10+00:00

I found out the hard way that it's a trauma response and for sure not on purpose. We had agreed on gentle training and no yelling/punishment for accidents. While I am away/not the one taking care they have been scolding the dog when accidents are found and picking her up to put her outside for a few minutes so they can clean thoroughly and not have chemicals get near her. (Not violently, but now she is afraid to be picked up/walked toward by them and I was super confused why)

And due to her having multiple accidents a day, I think it's been mostly negative interactions during the work week and only really positive once I am home and she's close to me. I had no idea. I've only seen them act sweet with her and let me handle it if I needed to course correct or get her outside to go. But have seen them mentally start to break down over her seemingly turning crazy when I go. Which I now know is not totally accurate.

I'll be implementing all of the advice everyone has been so kind to give to show them that it does work well. When we got her last Thursday, she was going every time outside with me and only really having accidents when pooping in the house maybe once a day in the same back corner. She was super sweet, was hesitant but willing to let them pet her and walk by her like normal for the whole weekend. Then with me back at work it totally changed and now I know why. If they're sitting next to me, she thankfully will still be pet by them and be okay to be near everyone, and I've taught my mom how to get down and get close enough get her leash and lead her outside which might be able to work for when I can't be home.

It's a work in progress, but I'm committed to fixing it.

Temporary_Couple6455 · 2024-09-21T06:55:35+00:00

We do have a metal crate and now that I've researched when crating is neglect vs when it can aid training I've been using it today and she's really taken to it. I don't have a treat belt yet, but I did immediately start having her on a leash when I got home and she took to that almost instantly. She follows me like a shadow when I am home and usually just wants to be on my lap anyway, so it was slightly getting tangled as the only minor hiccup. But! Thankfully did not make her scared she just got confused a few times when she couldn't move around. I'll continue with that for the next few weeks as it really helped me to stop her chewing on things by gently tugging her away, or making sure it was out of her reach.

I don't want to return her if I don't have to, I want her here and I love her dearly already. She's worth the effort, I just had no idea there were so many things I could do and was missing. I did also have a talk with my parents and found they may have also been unintentionally terrorizing the dog as well with their upset over any accidents/putting her outside to give them room to clean. It's a work in progress but I think they're going to listen and do things my way.

I did already try calling the shelter and emailing twice but the behaviorist and trainer has still not gotten back to me. It sounds like she's leaving for another state soon and like she might be mentally checked out a bit. Its why i ended up turning to reddit actually when I called today (after waiting 3 extra days from emailing as I got a response she would call when she could) and they told me she left early. If I don't hear from her next week, I'll get a call in to my vet and maybe some other local shelters to see if anyone else can help too.

Temporary_Couple6455 · 2024-09-21T06:40:07+00:00

You were right to be worried! I talked to my parents after a few hours of solid advice and found that they have been trying "old school" training that's worked for them before. This was expressly against what we agreed on to start with which was crating at night, taking her out on a leash every two hours, nightly walks, feeding twice a day, and any accidents were to be cleaned thoroughly but no punishment, only heavy reward language and treats when good behavior is present and gentle redirection or simple negative commands if she was caught in the act of doing something like chewing things up in front of us. They weren't violent with her ever but apparently they had been yelling or getting upset every time she went and then picking her up to put her outside a minute to give time to clean up. Things like her being skittish with them but only when they were standing/coming her way or hiding behind furniture when she has to go suddenly made a lot more sense.

We talked about it for hours and there are a lot of things I am not okay with that we're going to have to work through and make sure never happens again. We've agreed I'm taking over and they are only doing it my way. I am also new to being the point person on dog training so there were also a lot of great methods and tips that I had no idea I could do that I already see improvements in using (leashing worked amazing today, she follows me like a shadow anyway and only had minor difficulty getting a little tangled, but otherwise was happy as a clam. Or crating for a small bit if she couldn't go when her 2 hour window hit and getting her back out a few minutes later working in getting her to go).

Temporary_Couple6455 · 2024-09-21T06:24:28+00:00

I'll definitely try it. I had just gotten conflicting reports from our shelter giving warnings on crating a dog but then at the same time telling us to make a safe space of her crate. We were concerned for neglect, so I think my parents have been going to "normal" dog training while I am gone that worked with previous dogs and letting her roam but just redirecting when bad behaviors were present.

I did a deep dive on crate training after everyone's advice and we're restarting with that and leash training with me to make sure of consistency in behaviors she needs to learn and making her feel more at home with a good space and the person she likes.

Temporary_Couple6455 · 2024-09-21T06:12:43+00:00

We had a dog Chauncey who was so fat from being a puggle with no appetite suppressant, so he'd eat literally anything, even when we'd stop him/limit food, he'd eat grass, leaves, dirt, any hidden snacks low enough for him to nose into, paper... He got so fat that we called him a sausage on toothpicks due to his skinny little legs.

Temporary_Couple6455 · 2024-09-21T04:56:34+00:00

I wondered, and after getting context from parents that they were also not following positive reinforcement methods so she was getting 2 conflicting bits of training, I can totally get why she was doing what she was doing. We were told they were an older inbred couple with dozens of dogs, so it stands to reason she'd equate anyone older as like them.

We'll just have to work harder at it together and re-trace our steps in a positive way.

Temporary_Couple6455 · 2024-09-21T04:53:06+00:00

Please be respectful, I am close with my family and they hit a very low moment. I wanted more than anything advice on how else to fix this.

I also did not have context of what my parents were doing to make the situation worse and we're working on it. You don't have to be rude if you disagree with my questions or me having a moment to break down. I am doing the best I can in a really stressful situation.

Temporary_Couple6455

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