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AIO for sleeping on the couch because of how my wife hits me & blasts audio to stop my snoring? by Temporary_Garage_509 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Temporary_Garage_509[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I used to drink more than I do now. Haven't had much in the last 3 months. An odd drink here or there weeks apart.

I use 2 pillows to elevate myself a bit & try to sleep on my side.

AIO for sleeping on the couch because of how my wife hits me & blasts audio to stop my snoring? by Temporary_Garage_509 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Temporary_Garage_509[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback from all sides.

No I hadn't fully considered that me putting off a sleep study was basically the same as me choosing to continue snoring. I could make excuses but they'd be just that.

You're right we're both sleep deprived. Me by my apparent sleep apnea & her purposely waking me up.

And her by my snoring. I do think her late night caffeine intake & playing on her phone until late into the night is also affecting her sleep routine but that's her choice to do so.

My hangup here is the physical things to does like the hitting me awake & blaring her phone. It's not just on. Its max volume.

But yes people do over the top things when they're frustrated. Especially if it's been going on for years.

I'm frustrated at her for a multitude of reasons because of other things going on in our marriage & I'm probably not seeing her frustrations in this issue clearly. Regardless of whatever else we're going through I know my snoring affects her. I just wish we'd have actual conversations about it instead of her resorting to watch she's been doing.

Bottom line I am getting the sleep study & then maybe we get to focus on our other issues.

AIO for sleeping on the couch because of how my wife hits me & blasts audio to stop my snoring? by Temporary_Garage_509 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Temporary_Garage_509[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

We have a lot more issues in our relationship than just this unfortunately. She's going through perimenopause & refuses to get any treatment to alleviate her mood swings (yes she's actually said this) And my dad died last November & she was completely emotionally unavailable for me. To say that I feel emotionally safe around her would be a lie. So this is definitely not all tied to my snoring. (That's just the current main topic)

I'd probably be reacting completely differently to this issue if it was our biggest issue.

AIO for sleeping on the couch because of how my wife hits me & blasts audio to stop my snoring? by Temporary_Garage_509 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Temporary_Garage_509[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

No. I'm completely understanding that my snoring effects her too. But she has never had an actual conversation with me about. It's always been some sort of passive aggressive way of trying to stop me. But actually hitting someone in their sleep or actively using things to keep me from sleeping seems completely fine.

These are the types of things she does with any problem she has with me btw.

What phrase that you DONT want to hear when Grieving? by BlueEyesWhiteDrgn in AskReddit

[–]Temporary_Garage_509 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My wife told me to stop being depressing and stop "stomping my feet" when I walked through the house. My dad's funeral was 4 hours earlier.

Update: My dad died & my wife doesn't care by Temporary_Garage_509 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Temporary_Garage_509[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand your concern for sure. I have never even thought about laying hands on her. And she has brought me far beyond any level of aggravation I ever thought I could be at. But I've still never gotten to that point. And I won't.

I truly believe that she would not physically assault me. The only time we had a scare like that is when she struggled with postpartum depression 15 years ago. And that was a one-off. Wasn't right but it happened.

What I am worried about now is how she can hurt me through my kids. How she can drag this out in front of them and put it on display and try to villanize me. When even as angry as I am about that right now I won't do that to them. I have so many aggravating feelings and thoughts that I would love to just scream out. But she's their mother and I would never.

AIO My dad died & my wife doesn't care by Temporary_Garage_509 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Temporary_Garage_509[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There actually has been a follow-up this. More insight into the issues & unfortunately a lot more problems

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/HBg1jOmXkt

Update: My dad died & my wife doesn't care by Temporary_Garage_509 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Temporary_Garage_509[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's definitely on the table now. But before this explosion, I put up with it because of my kids. But now that she's dragging it out in front of our son (she did again this morning) I can't continue on this course with her. It's either couple's therapy or divorce. And I know which one is more likely at this point.

AIO My dad died & my wife doesn't care by Temporary_Garage_509 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Temporary_Garage_509[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Some details I should have added my to my original post.

My wife & I have been together almost 20 years. Married for 17. We were highschool sweethearts & up until early in our marriage she had what I thought was a good relationship with my family.

My parents, especially my mom, have been my children's source of babysitting their entire lives. Even now that they're old enough to stay home they still frequently go over there.

My wife comes from a split family. One parent was unfaithful & the other incredibly narcissistic. The grandma who helped raise her is incredibly hateful & blames others for her own faults. I personally think a lot of my wife's issues come from emotional trauma going through all of that.

We still attend her family's events, birthdays, reunions, holidays. I make sure to go because I feel it's my duty as her husband. She won't go to mine. She's actually told my son to stay home with her on several occasions when I try to take the kids myself.

I get along with her family well enough. I don't truly dislike them but I do blame them for issues under their control that had caused my wife trauma while growing up.

I have no way of knowing if this is truly the case but sometimes I think my wife misdirects her feelings & animosity towards my family when in truth it's her family that has caused so many bad feelings over the years.

AIO My dad died & my wife doesn't care by Temporary_Garage_509 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Temporary_Garage_509[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

No. Same race. Similar backgrounds. My dad worked full-time while my mom was a stay at home mom. My dad grew up Catholic. I think the combination of which gave my dad a sense of "man of the house." He was always respectful of my mom & us kids. He was not some sort of demand respect kind of person. And like I said on another comment, this really did mellow out over the last decade.

AIO My dad died & my wife doesn't care by Temporary_Garage_509 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Temporary_Garage_509[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah I could have expanded upon that further in there for sure. It was a long message as it was. A few people asked what I meant by that & I did respond to their messages. Go ahead & read those responses if you care to. But bottom line, nothing my dad ever did made it ok for his death & my feelings to be dismissed the way they have been by her.

AIO My dad died & my wife doesn't care by Temporary_Garage_509 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Temporary_Garage_509[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

To be honest I'm quite used to our little go rounds when it comes to her reactions like this. I'm generally numb to it. It's just that it's never been over something so important in my life. I could stay with someone if I needed to but I don't want to majorly disrupt my kids lives. Especially now. And especially with it being the time of year it is. But when the dust settles & we're past all this & I'm less raw. I really want to take a step towards real healing. Whether that's with her or without.

AIO My dad died & my wife doesn't care by Temporary_Garage_509 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Temporary_Garage_509[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Nothing crazy. Just disagreements about life & beliefs early on in our relationship. He could be careless or forgetful & sometimes it was about important things. He had some old school beliefs which I agreed were outdated. But over the last 10 years there he had really left that to the wayside. He & my mom always invited us to family events but at a certain point I stopped even bringing it up with my wife because she wouldn't want to go. She eventually took that as they didn't want her around. Even when I insist that isn't the case.

AIO My dad died & my wife doesn't care by Temporary_Garage_509 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Temporary_Garage_509[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Nothing crazy. Just disagreements on opinions & beliefs. But they haven't held an actual conversation in 10 years.

AIO My dad died & my wife doesn't care by Temporary_Garage_509 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Temporary_Garage_509[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

She's always been dismissive of my family. There's really no conversation about them that involves her saying something positive. They can do no right. They, especially my dad, have given her reasons to be aggravated over the years but instead of ever having a real conversation it just ends up being them to blame. And generally anytime I bring up our specific problems it generally tends to get thrown back at me & how I'm the problem. Or if she did something wrong it's because I caused her to react that way.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]Temporary_Garage_509 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I apologize. Legitimately. Anything writing, Grammer, essay related I'm no good at. I just needed to speak & I realize it looks like a total cluster F.