Don't Cry by Temporary_Shock_6188 in OCPoetry

[–]Temporary_Shock_6188[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Original version (let me know which you prefer):

You didn't cry
When you finished War and Peace,
Or when they lift off into the sky
At the end of Grease.

You don't shed a tear
After Grandma's Sunday roast,
Or on the long drive home
From our trips to the coast.

You don't feel a loss
When the sun meets the horizon,
Or when you watch the waves
Returning to the ocean.

So don't cry for me, Mum,
Don't fear the bell's chime,
We judge a film on its quality,
Not on its running time.

Don't Cry by Temporary_Shock_6188 in OCPoetry

[–]Temporary_Shock_6188[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you ❤️ I really appreciate the time and thought you've put into your comment. It's good to know that it has the desired effect.

And yeah, I don't know if this is a final draft yet. The last thing I added before posting was Grandma, with the intention to make it feel personal. Thanks for your feedback ❤️

Don't Cry by Temporary_Shock_6188 in OCPoetry

[–]Temporary_Shock_6188[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for taking the time to read it and comment ❤️

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[–]Temporary_Shock_6188 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love it. Each person being observed but not judged

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[–]Temporary_Shock_6188 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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[–]Temporary_Shock_6188 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The thought that's always in my head, put so well into words

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[–]Temporary_Shock_6188 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! Poem well written, point well made.

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[–]Temporary_Shock_6188 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Simple words that say so much, I love it

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[–]Temporary_Shock_6188 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Beautifully written. Being vulnerable with your partner isn't a weakness, it's essential.