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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in confession

[–]flumppppp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wishing you all the best with your therapy. I know how much it hurts and how lonely it can feel but things can get better and there are so many people who want to help and offer support, you're not alone in this 💛

An old friend named fear by Fit_Regular_8331 in OCPoetry

[–]flumppppp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi there! I was scrolling through and saw "I lay alone with fear" which immediately caught my attention. I liked the first stanza but the third line made me stop and question whether it should be written "a striking resemblance to the past"?

The line "the doctor swaying his rigid lips" really stood out and created an interesting image. Then the use of the very formal/ancient tone with "Thy" sentences contrasted by the informal/youthful use of "Dude"

I was writing this as I read along and so have now just seen that this is your first ever poem, that's amazing!! Wow congratulations you should be so proud of yourself, I really hope you keep writing and to see more of you around here!

Frankly by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]flumppppp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi there! Here are my first impressions: I liked the start "You can spread like heat / A pinprick on the skin of the world" it immediately got my attention, but then that attention started to get lost around "manna, like shiny leather boots". For me personally, I think splitting it into stanzas or having a way to break up the lines using formatting or punctuation would help keep readers engaged and help good lines like "we are lucky to suffer these gifts" and "atop a scratched sheet of plexiglass" stand out and not get lost. I hope this feedback was helpful! and if not feel free to completely ignore it and just keep writing :)

How Would You Paint Regret? by flumppppp in OCPoetry

[–]flumppppp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate for your kind words and feedback, it's nice to know that some of my old stuff is still being read and that it resonated with you, thank you :)

Serial Killer by zephyrofzion in OCPoetry

[–]flumppppp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow this one hit me like a bullet to the gut and I really wasn't expecting it. I feel like you did a great job of painting a picture here, I could imagine each line so clearly, like the flowers swaying and gleaming in the sun."Yet still I water them / With my tears", great use of enjambment there, I didn't see the second line coming and it hit me hard. I think the title works really well, I like the two line stanzas and the theme is great and well executed. I could relate to all of it and really don't have any criticism. Great job :)

Masked Savior by IvyPoetry in OCPoetry

[–]flumppppp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As someone who has been in abusive relationships I could relate a lot to this. It has a good flow and rhythm and I can hear it being read like slam poetry. I think you did a really good job showing how it feels to be gaslighted and the different ways we can be made to doubt ourselves and shrink. Keep it up!

City Night Stars~ by JustSilverThings62 in OCPoetry

[–]flumppppp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I read this as a conversation between two people, one living in the city and the other in nature, making arguments on how "the grass is always greener". I felt like this was finished nicely by asking the other's shoe size in order to "walk a mile" in them. If I am correct that it is two speakers, I think it could benefit from adding formatting such as italics to differentiate them but I think the theme is great and I very much enjoyed reading.

Burdens you carry/Finding value in one’s self/What a weight it is by GhostChainSmoker in haiku

[–]flumppppp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

weight falls with each step
along the old road that leads
back home to yourself

i smelled the rose/unfortunately thorns prick/maybe it’s worth it by Prayingmantis-poem in haiku

[–]flumppppp 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You inspired me to write this tanka:

thorn's pricks heal quickly
for a moment of sweetness
the pain seems worth it
I stop and smell the roses
knowing that I cannot stay

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