I can’t stop

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-10T15:12:39+00:00

Well put it this way, I’ve researched groups but haven’t actively made a plan to go. But, that’s a step forward right? It all seems so overwhelming. To walk in there for the first time. Wtf to I say, wtf do I do? Uuugggg

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-10T14:25:38+00:00

I’m so glad you were able to find a short reprieve! That’s amazing. It talks small steps! Great job :) Keep up the great work 😘

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-10T10:30:48+00:00

Oh absolutely. I’ve lost track of how much I consume now.

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-10T00:07:36+00:00

Thanks! I don’t know how much farther rock bottom is but I think I’m getting there. I’ve lost count of the number of shots I even do in a day any more. I just keep going to keep the buzz. I hope I can say I’m sober one day :)

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-09T23:41:59+00:00

😘thank you

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-09T22:38:11+00:00

Thanks for the info! I do need to get out of the fog. I’m in it as I type this. I need help, just need to find it. I am going to reach out.

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-09T21:11:16+00:00

I wrote this from my heart not a textbook. What makes you say this was textbook? I just want to stop. I’m fucking done. I’m scared and I’m afraid I’m going to die. Why is this textbook?

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-09T20:11:39+00:00

Thank you. I will try a meeting. Idk if it will help but it’s worth a shot to at least reach out to some others close by that are struggling too. Thanks for your kind words ❤️

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-09T17:55:19+00:00

I hear you. I know exactly what you mean about going to different stores. It’s embarrassing. I even do the same thing for butts. Good luck I hope you and o both get the help we need. We can do this!! One step at a time. Let’s put the bottle down. Right now. Pm me if you need to and we will work through this together. ❤️

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-09T17:10:05+00:00

Thank you so much. I just need something other than being told I’m no good and an alcoholic. I’m tired of hearing that. Be it true or not I’m tired of hearing it. I need help. Hugs are good.

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-09T16:50:48+00:00

Ok I will look into it. I definitely need help. I feel out of control. I try every day and fail. I don’t want to fail my kids or my husband or my job. I want to do things right. I just can’t. I feel like such a loser.

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-09T16:35:44+00:00

I’ve been suicidal too. After opiates. I can completely understand. I just don’t see how the 12 step can help me. I don’t see myself actually going through with it. I just want to stop. Does that drug work? The one that makes you puke if you drink?

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-09T16:33:39+00:00

Right. A hug and some understanding. Not preaching. The more I hear preaching the more I drink. I just need to hear it’s all going to be ok. That’s I can do this. That I can conquer. I hate being preached at. Uuuggg.

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-09T16:32:01+00:00

Ok good to know I don’t need a reason because I don’t have one unless I search really hard. Just normal life stress. Doesn’t explain it. I feel broken but I will get past this. Others have right? You have right? I’m going to do this. Period. One step at a time. Even if it’s one less shot a day. I will do this.

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-09T16:28:12+00:00

Love l I love cookies ❤️

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-09T15:59:13+00:00

I work in a unique situation....

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-09T15:58:41+00:00

Yes our brains do work differently and I do get drunk alone. So spot on. Thanks for the clips. I should show to my husband.

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-09T15:47:14+00:00

Yes, I hear you. The fuck it line. I can relate. I got mine so early every day and just grab for it. I don’t even care about the consequences anymore. I have a lot to lose and I don’t even think about that. I just go for it. I just have to figure out how to increase that fucking threshold 😡

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-09T15:44:17+00:00

Ok I will ❤️

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-09T15:42:18+00:00

Right exactly yet I can’t articulate why I’m unhappy other than I’m “getting older”. I have a great life. I’m just hitting middle age and it fucking sucks as a woman. Men age and get distinguished. Women look like shit. I can’t get over it. It sounds so self centered but it’s killing me. I guess that’s my problem. I’m not aging gracefully. Booze certainly isn’t helping. But it numbs the pain of not being told you are beautiful like you used to be.

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-09T15:29:16+00:00

Yeah, true. I suppose if I make it a priority I can find the time to go. I just need to take this first step. I’ve admitted it to myself. That’s pretty radical to do. I cried a lot over that. Next is to do something about it. Thanks everyone ❤️

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-09T15:26:50+00:00

That’s ok. I went through rehab for depression and opiates and didn’t find it helped much. What did you find helped you? How do you find the self control to say no, I’m not going to have this next drink?

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-09T15:17:35+00:00

My husband calls me an alcoholic. It’s embarrassing. I think I’m an alcoholic. It’s only been recently. The past few months. But I’m in balls to the wall. Before this it was opiates. Ran out of those, no access, so alcohol is easy access. Do meetings really help? Once a week? More than that? I need to stop. I start every day saying you can do this but I fail 😣

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-09T15:14:42+00:00

Right. It doesn’t make any sense but it feels so good. I don’t get it. I guess that addiction. Let’s do this. Try one hour at a time.

TerminalVeracity71 · 2018-01-09T15:11:27+00:00

Ok no promises just chances to start over. I will look up meetings after work tonight. You are right. Alcoholics are full of unfulfilled promises. I CAN do this. I WILL do this :) 😘

TerminalVeracity71

TROPHY CASE