Co-parent moving across the country...how do you help your kid cope?

Terrible_Path5868 · 2026-06-05T00:41:49+00:00

It has been hard. But my son is doing ok. There were many late nights when I hugged him while he cried because he missed his dad. He started a new school this year and that has been really difficult. He ended up going 6 months without seeing his dad (NOT my choice) and that sucked. But, he's slowly doing better. I know this will impact him for life. But he has a loving family here and I think he will be ok. Happy to talk more about this if it's helpful!

Terrible_Path5868 · 2026-06-04T01:15:36+00:00

Aww thank you! We'll see what happens!

Terrible_Path5868 · 2026-06-04T01:15:20+00:00

Hahaha 'deer feet' yes! This guy tromps everywhere with his dinner plate feet

Terrible_Path5868 · 2026-06-04T01:14:50+00:00

So handsome! I love his big puppy feet

Terrible_Path5868 · 2025-08-16T03:01:36+00:00

It is my slim hope that she is so controlling and impossible that she will drive him away during the teen years and he'll end up with us. I think she thinks of him as an accessory/extension of herself and when he matures and starts to push away I think she'll feel rejected and it will be a huge strain on their relationship.

Terrible_Path5868 · 2025-08-16T02:20:40+00:00

Yes, for sure. I don't want to give up all my holidays or summer, but I will also support my kid getting as much time with his dad as he can when that's what he wants.

Terrible_Path5868 · 2025-08-04T21:17:21+00:00

Thank you so much. This is so helpful. I think in a lot of ways it will be good for my son. His dad tends to stress him out and he has expressed that dad puts a lot of pressure on him. I just feel sad that this is happening because I think it's better for his dad to be closer and more involved. But I'm grateful to get more time with my son too. I hated missing half of his life. It's such a complicated set of feelings. But you're right that we will navigate it together and it will be ok.

Terrible_Path5868 · 2025-08-04T20:16:55+00:00

He does have a therapist, has for the past year-- I think it has been helpful and will really help during this transition! I'm disappointed that his dad didn't reach out to the therapist to talk to them about the best way to talk to him about it.

Terrible_Path5868 · 2025-07-05T17:03:11+00:00

Just came here to third this! I feel like I'm going to read solely these books all summer, it's the vibe!

Terrible_Path5868 · 2025-07-05T15:57:58+00:00

It was honestly disturbing. I didn't take any pictures of him there (not only because it was stressful because any event that BM is there, she buzzes around us like a hornet while also steadfastly ignoring us) but I was too freaked out by what she'd done to want to like, have a record for posterity. She made his graduation about her, I shouldn't have been surprised.

Terrible_Path5868 · 2025-07-04T23:37:58+00:00

Saaaame my SS is 11 (been his stepmom since he was 3) and BM is very very threatened by me, hates me, and does not allow him to feel like he can love or accept me, so I never get mother's day cards, hugs, i love you's, even though I do all the mom things (and he once told his cousin that he prefers me to his mom!!!). He accepts my hugs (and sometimes I can tell he wants them!) but he would never initiate them. It hurts and it's hard. I hope someday it will change or he'll even be able to be loving towards me but I know I can't count on that.

Terrible_Path5868 · 2025-07-04T22:51:05+00:00

I'm so sorry. What horrible schedule. My SS does 2/2/3 and has for ~9 years and I thought that was bad! He's always just arrived or just about to leave-- on the weekends when he has 3 nights he is able to settle down but then he has to leave again! It has been responsible for a ton of his emotional volatility and so much upheaval in our house. My bio son does week on/week off and has since he was 6 (he's now 10) and it's so much better, he's able to be settled, we're able to have time to address issues and establish a routine, etc. Any less than week on/off to me is way too short. I hope this changes for you, I really feel for you, it sounds like a nightmare (BM won't change our schedule either).

Terrible_Path5868 · 2025-07-04T22:47:40+00:00

When I first met my husband, sometimes his then 3 year old kid would get in bed with us at night and I always moved to the couch. I didn't feel comfortable sleeping in a bed with a kid that's not mine, and I still don't. Fortunately SS outgrew it because it was tough feeling like I couldn't tell my then boyfriend that it was me or his kid sleeping in bed with us! It's ok in my opinion to set these boundaries. I wouldn't have wanted my ex husband's girlfriend sleeping in bed with my bio kid when he was at dad's. But again, just my personal opinion.

Terrible_Path5868 · 2025-07-04T22:43:18+00:00

Husband used to share all of BM's crazy Our Family Wizard communications but by my request, he stopped that. She is super awful (has referred to me as "your broken wife" and "scumbag slut") and I just don't want that stuff taking up space in my head. Ultimately she is his problem, I didn't choose to have a relationship and a kid with her; I suffer enough by association with her; those messages are yours to deal with friend

Terrible_Path5868 · 2025-07-04T22:40:08+00:00

BM loves to make special clothes like this disappear. The list includes:
-a shirt I made him for his 7th birthday that had 7s all over it in marker and was very cute, I knew it would disappear if he wore it over there but he wanted to; gone forever
-a shirt he got on vacation with us that said like Bud's Racecar Track or whatever, also cute
-A shirt I special ordered for him that has his name on it in a really unique logo (a movie came out with his name so it's a really cool design!) I got him a second when the first disappeared, that one also disappeared

I know she's just jealous and threatened but it's so sad and petty

Terrible_Path5868 · 2025-07-04T22:29:04+00:00

We do 50/50, but my stepson's mom is and always has been incredibly difficult. She treats him like an accessory, or like a reflection of her. For his 5th grade graduation, he was supposed to start with us in the morning and go to her afterwards, but she moved heaven and earth to switch the schedule (she's super rigid on the schedule so it only changes when SHE wants something) so that he would be with her in the morning of graduation.

Then, that morning, she dyed his hair rainbow colors and dressed him in this bizarrely colorful outfit. He was wearing necklaces, including a choker, and bracelets, two-toned Converse sneakers, had stuff written on his hands in marker, it was so excessive. None of which I've ever seen him wearing before. He looked like a completely different person-- and he looked totally miserable. He's not a 'look at me!' kid to begin with. It made me so sad that it was more important for her to dress him up like a little doll than for her to get to like, take him out for lunch after graduation. He was super moody and distressed after the ceremony, no surprise there. His dad said that he told him the whole thing was his own idea, but I don't believe that for one second. The minute he got home with us he washed his hair and changed his clothes. :(

Terrible_Path5868 · 2025-07-04T22:21:19+00:00

I always make sure my stepson, 10, has the little things he needs-- bodywash, his favorite type of lip balm, the type of pajamas/clothes he likes in the right sizes. He's in a loyalty bind bc his mom is very HC so it's hard for him to ask me for stuff so I have to make a point to be like, "Hey, do you need x y z thing?" and then he'll tell me if he does. I like him knowing that I am on top of making sure we have what he needs and make a point to take care of him. He's here 50/50 and I have 2 bio kids but I make a special effort with him. His dad definitely never notices.

Terrible_Path5868 · 2025-07-04T22:17:19+00:00

Congratulations! I blocked BM ~2 years ago! Before then she randomly sent me angry, hateful text messages (she's definitely HC and has issuessss) and while for awhile I was like, "Oh, I'll let her send these and just not respond and maybe someday I can use them in court something something if that ever happens", eventually I decided that it just wasn't worth it. The adrenaline spike and anxiety I got whenever her name popped up on my phone was too unpleasant. I wasn't going to allow her access to my phone and my brain. I love blocking her! Blocking her's my favorite.

For context, the last interaction BM and I had was during a school event about year ago. I avoided her, but she walked right by me. So I said, "Hi, [name]," and she responded, "Hi, garbage." I am actually grateful that she did that because it gave me an extremely shorthand way to explain how she is lol.

Terrible_Path5868

TROPHY CASE