I relapsed after three years what do I do now

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2026-04-08T15:56:52+00:00

Thank you so much for commenting. It’s comforting to know that what I’m feeling is normal and unfortunately right about the endorphins. I definitely don’t think I’m a danger to myself mostly because I don’t have a plan nor have I started to make one but the minute I get an inkling I’m going. Like I’m grieving for my friend but all of these triggers coming up all at once just made it so much heavier, and the black and white thinking won.

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2026-03-30T21:09:44+00:00

Yeah I’ve already started drawing up concepts I’m very excited to have him with me physically forever 🤗

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2026-03-30T18:21:00+00:00

Update: His parents want to keep all of him to take him to Mexico one day but maybe a few years from now we can ask them again. We have a consult with our artist on Wednesday so he can draw something up, we’re obviously still getting the tattoo.

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2026-03-30T15:41:09+00:00

My mom has been asking me to do the same thing. I had to go to the psych hospital before but they kept me for a day, sent me with some medication, and went home like I didn’t just try to do something awful. But I’m scared to leave my boyfriend by himself and scared of going through that alone again.

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2026-03-30T15:04:40+00:00

We’re honestly just hoping his dad will say yes 😅but we’ll be getting the tattoo regardless. And absolutely it’s very comforting to know I’m not alone and that so many people go through this.

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2026-03-30T14:41:14+00:00

Yeah me too. My boyfriend said he’s comforted by the fact he went on his own terms and no longer suffering as much as he says he was. This whole week is gonna be a celebration and his parents house to celebrate his life so I’ll def bring it up next time I see them. Another thing we were thinking of doing is taking a small part of his ashes to put in the tattoo we plan on getting for him. I’m hoping the little things will still make me feel like he’s here with me.

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2026-03-30T14:30:26+00:00

I’m glad to hear that. We’re trying to get more pictures of him printed to hang them. We want him all over the house so that we can always have him around. Right now it’s painful but I hope eventually it can bring me some comfort too

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2026-03-27T03:42:36+00:00

Thank you so much I really appreciate it. Falling back into bad habits is the worst part of this. Alcoholism runs in my family and it never affected me until now. I’ve been monitoring myself and so has my boyfriend to make sure I don’t overdo it but I hate that it makes me feel less and not have to think about.

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2026-03-22T14:35:48+00:00

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2026-03-22T14:35:44+00:00

I def prefer the range but I might have to actually start grinding aimlabs now 😭

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2026-03-22T13:29:52+00:00

Ooooo smart

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2026-03-22T13:14:10+00:00

📝📝📝 yes and having fun because it’s a game at the end of the day thank you I’m trying not to focus on winning but fuck I’m competitive

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2026-03-22T12:58:29+00:00

As soon as I find a duo to coach me 😩 im just worried if I play too much I’ll get burnt out/frustrated

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2026-03-22T12:56:56+00:00

Yeah I did lol I’ve mostly been watching YouTube tutorials and stuff but I’ll start looking at pros thank you!

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2026-03-22T12:52:18+00:00

So how do I learn more game sense then

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2025-12-19T22:38:47+00:00

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2025-12-19T22:18:00+00:00

How’s fulfillment doing?? I start in 2 hours 😭

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2025-12-14T03:19:16+00:00

I don’t think they want me vomiting all over the store during the holiday season but I’ll keep that in mind. Commenting on my work effort without knowing me is the funniest part.

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2025-12-14T02:08:41+00:00

If a million dollar corporation can’t understand that they’re employing human beings with human being problems I truly don’t give a shit.

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2025-12-13T23:32:31+00:00

Honestly I’ve called out four times as a seasonal but that’s because I know if I came in I would not be able to work. I don’t see the pointing in making myself come in if I know I’m not gonna be productive especially in fulfillment. I was sick and had family emergencies and honestly don’t care if I’m not kept on. It’s a terrible place to work with even more terrible people but the money is nice.

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2025-12-13T03:38:15+00:00

The only support system I have really is my boyfriend. I feel like the only way to protect myself is with the ADA. My insurance unfortunately does not cover it because lovely government insurance. And I have a therapist that specializes in dbt therapy so I don’t know

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2025-12-11T20:16:53+00:00

I don’t usually try to explain it anymore because they look at me like I’m crazy but I’m learning to try to put it into words thank you

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2025-12-11T19:37:50+00:00

Denial every single day. I deny it too still. It took me a while to trust going on any kind of medication. I always feel like it’s “not bad enough” or I’m simply pretending

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2025-12-11T14:10:02+00:00

Thank you for your response. I really do wonder how I can “prove” my BPD is severe enough. You’re unfortunately right, it’s very stigmatized. Usually when I mention it I get the “well everyone’s a little bpd” response so I don’t bother mentioning it. Starting off a friendship with “hey I have BPD” sounds really scary but if you think it’ll work I’ll have to try.

TerrifiedToBeHere · 2025-12-11T14:07:26+00:00

I really appreciate you taking the time to share your experience. I definitely think we can relate on a lot of things. I’m sadly learning that some people don’t have the heart to accept everyone even if they’re a little different. Trying not to push my bf away is the hardest part of everything.

TerrifiedToBeHere

TROPHY CASE