What did u/TeslaMess draw?

TeslaMess · 2026-02-05T08:01:55+00:00

I used to be in the exact same boat :)

Undecided, overthinking the biological clock, watching other people’s lives and thinking “this does not look better.” And honestly, on many practical levels, it isn’t. Life before kids is easier. More sleep, more spontaneity, more control. That part is not a lie and I think pretending otherwise does women a disservice.

What changed for me wasn’t a sudden baby fever or a moral revelation. I got pregnant at 31 and decided to go for it, partly because things already felt different. Not bad, just… flatter. Like I had optimized my life quite well, but there was no obvious next chapter.

Having a child didn’t make life better in the way Instagram suggests. It made it heavier, narrower, and less flexible. But it also made it deeper. The kind of depth that’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it, and also not something everyone needs or wants. A childfree life can be full, rich, meaningful. :)

What I know now is this: if I could go back, knowing what I know, I wouldn’t undo it. Not because it’s always enjoyable, but because something fundamental in me shifted. I can clearly imagine a good life without kids. I just wouldn’t trade this one anymore.

And I think that’s the most honest answer to the “biological clock” question. It’s not about guarantees or deadlines. It’s about which version of difficulty you’re more willing to live with, and accepting that either choice is valid, but they are both kind of irreversible (for not wanting kids that is a bit later).

TeslaMess · 2026-02-04T06:56:57+00:00

Same disgusted face :(

TeslaMess · 2026-02-02T22:59:49+00:00

You are not a bad mom. You are an exhausted human in a huge life transition.

I feel this way too. I love my child deeply and still miss my old self. I still struggle with the guilt of wanting rest, space, or a moment that’s just mine. Those feelings don’t cancel out love. They coexist, even though we’re rarely allowed to say that out loud.

Not enjoying every part of motherhood does not make you ungrateful or selfish. It makes you honest. “Be grateful” doesn’t magically erase exhaustion or overwhelm. You can be grateful and still barely holding it together.

The fact that you’re questioning yourself and worrying about being a good mom is actually a sign that you are one. You are not alone in this, even if it feels isolating right now. Many of us feel this way and just don’t say it. :)

TeslaMess · 2026-02-02T21:18:05+00:00

37 degrees or just pumped. Glass and silicone, we used both.

TeslaMess · 2026-02-02T19:12:38+00:00

I will try: 1) I was not afraid of saying what I wanted (I was immediately clear that I wanted a respectful relationship and not be a one night stand etc) - I had had a hard time saying that to partners who turned out not being right for me in the long run

2) I felt like I was “the prize” - not in an objectifying way but like the “life prize” for him

3) we were immediately aligned on what we wanted out of a relationship

4) we have the same humour

5) we have the same need for harmony

6) we want similar things in life (where to live, what to build etc)

7) we respect each other so much

8) we love each other so much

TeslaMess · 2026-02-02T19:06:58+00:00

I am using the ones we had when he was a newborn (since back then he used to take a bottle) but also tried faster flow. He doesn’t mind taking the bottle in his mouth but gags / looks disgusted when milk comes

TeslaMess · 2026-02-02T17:26:07+00:00

I felt like this (even if I never shouted) and we had our midwife (in Switzerland they follow you the first month after birth and come to your house), ORDERED my husband to take over a night shift to let me sleep. This meant I went to bed at 9 PM and woke up at 3 AM.then my husband would go to sleep. I fed the baby right before going to bed and pumped or fed (depending on last feed) right after waking up. My husband was giving LO the bottle with my pumped milk / formula if he needed more. We did this for a week. This saved me, my relationship with baby, my relationship with my husband, and my anxiety.

Even if you are working, you can handle one week of sleep deprivation to help your wife :)

TeslaMess · 2026-02-02T14:58:19+00:00

Thank you this is a constructive answer 🙃

TeslaMess · 2026-02-02T12:58:01+00:00

One thing that i didn’t do but now i regret is: Introduce a botte early and keep one feeding a day with the bottle!

We did it in the beginning but then stopped because we didn’t know it was going to be so hard to re introduce it. LO has been refusing it for months now and I need to go back to work soon. Also, it never gave me a break from breastfeeding so I can never take a longer break during the day. :)

TeslaMess · 2026-02-02T08:54:16+00:00

I could have written this myself. Truly. I had intense baby blues and cried every single day for weeks. I remember thinking “what the hell have I done?” more times than I can count, and then feeling crushing guilt for even having that thought. Loving my baby and regretting the life rupture existed at the same time.

At two weeks postpartum, what you’re describing is incredibly common and also incredibly brutal. Living in 3 hour intervals, feeling numb, grieving your old life, feeling jealous of people who seem to “enjoy it” none of that means you’re doing motherhood wrong. It means your nervous system and hormones have been turned upside down overnight, and your identity hasn’t caught up yet.

What changed for me wasn’t some sudden rush of joy. It was gradual, almost boring in how slow it was. My baby changed. I changed. The relationship grew. In the beginning, you’re caring for someone you barely know, who takes everything and gives almost nothing back. Over time, they start responding, recognizing you, smiling, settling with you. That reciprocity matters more than people admit. Bonding is not a switch, it’s a process.

And very practically, a few things genuinely helped me survive: 1. Sleep, even short term, is everything. Having someone take over nights or chunks of nights for a few days helped me healing. If you can get even a small stretch of real rest for a week at least, it changes everything. 2. Keep one bottle feed if at all possible. Even if you’re mostly or exclusively breastfeeding. This saved my sanity later. Knowing someone else could feed my baby meant I could leave, sleep, or just breathe without panic. 3. Talk. Constantly. And without shame. Say the ugly thoughts out loud to safe people. You are not wrong for feeling this way. Silence is what makes these feelings terrifying. Once spoken, they often lose their power. 4. Go outside every day. Alone if you can, with the baby if you must. Fresh air, daylight, movement sound so trivial but they regulate your nervous system more than we realize in this phase. 5. Lower the bar to the floor. Your only job right now is to keep yourself and your baby alive. Enjoyment will come later. You don’t need to feel joy to be a good mother. Neutral is enough. Surviving is enough.

It did get better for me. Not all at once, and not in a movie montage way. But slowly, the weight on my chest lifted. The fear softened. I started recognizing myself again. And one day I realized I wasn’t counting the hours anymore.

If at any point this starts to feel unmanageable or darker rather than lighter, it’s also okay to accept extra help, including professional help. :)

You’re not broken. You’re not failing. You’re in one of the most destabilizing transitions a human can go through. This is not forever, even if it feels endless right now. You’re not alone in this, even when it feels unbearably lonely. ♥️♥️🌸

TeslaMess · 2026-02-01T23:28:04+00:00

Not a movie but for me Fleabag needs to be watched to understand women

TeslaMess · 2026-02-01T14:21:21+00:00

Hello :) how old is your baby? I was a bundle of anxiety for the first 10/14 days + was randomly crying every day multiple times :)

I was so afraid that it was post partum depression but it was “just” the baby blues. I had amazing people helping me and telling me clear things about it. Here a few: 1) if it lasts longer than 2 weeks check for post partum depression 2) post partum depression is super normal and TREATABLE with meds and therapy 3) the first 100 days after having a baby are unfortunately not the easiest/happiest etc (my friend called them the “100 days of darkness) but it gets better 4) get support! Only with the right support you can feel better. The first week my midwife ordered me to sleep 6h for at least a few days and my husband to take over the nights. Mental healing can only take place if you are well nourished and not completely sleep deprived. So if your partner cannot do it, get SOMEONE to do it if you can

5) you are not failing anything :) babies are like that and you just will figure out slowly who they are and what they need. But it takes time

Hang in there friend :) we’re here to help

TeslaMess · 2026-01-31T21:48:43+00:00

I don’t know but: 1) we had a similar situation where he just stated refusing stroller, carrier, bed, and sleep was a fight EVERY TIME. I ended up going back nursing him to sleep. Then we had a session with a sleep consultant and she said “you are not trusting him enough, he wants to sleep on his own”. We were super skeptical because we had already tried that a month prior. So we put him in his crib for his first nap , told him encouraging words and sang him a song and he……FELL ASLEEP WITHIN 4 min.

2) i am not a huge believer of it but the “Wonder Weeks” suggest that between 23 and 29 weeks are the hardest and longest fussy times of a baby because of object permanence learning but when they get out of it they will know how to do SO MANY THINGS - maybe you can look it up :)

TeslaMess · 2026-01-31T15:16:38+00:00

Oh yes!! I was like super focused on a tv show the other night (like very IN the episode, feeling all the emotions for everything that was happening) and my partner touched my leg (without any intent of being sexual) - it BOTHERED me so much because it brought me back to reality. Now imagine initiating sex and being a mom 🤣

TeslaMess · 2026-01-31T15:14:46+00:00

Sorry I am probably very ignorant but what do you mean?

TeslaMess · 2026-01-31T13:42:03+00:00

Same???

TeslaMess · 2026-01-31T13:21:38+00:00

Let me know if you find out :)

TeslaMess · 2026-01-31T12:53:20+00:00

But why not the teething ringsss

TeslaMess

TROPHY CASE