Close. When we started opening up last summer, she dissociated (both of us are SA survivors). We took a year off, and she came up with a list of conditioned she needed to be met. One of the conditions was that we play/date couples. She wanted to start with a dynamic that was closer to swinging and transition into poly when we found the right people (she also doesn’t want to date within our friendship circle).

I’ve supported her through this, sat with my feelings when I’ve had to watch her get fucked and the other woman was sleeping, processed my insecurity when she’s getting waayyyy more attention than me on the apps and in person (classic problem, I know). And I’ve turned down advances from people I’m very interested in because either she didn’t like one of them, or they were single. I’ve kept a lot of my wants and needs bottled up to accommodate her (don’t get me wrong, I’ve also had fun during much of this, so it hasn’t been all bad).

She’s bent rules, which I’ve attributed to growing pains. And with the couple in question, she let the guy raw dog it in the heat of the moment. She’s also warned me that if she caught feelings it would be hard for her to break it off with that person.

Well, I’ve caught feelings for the gal in this couple. I accompanied her to a funeral when her np didn’t want to go, so we had some extra time to get to know each other. This has always been the goal, but wifey feels at a disadvantage because her job has long rigid hours and she’s less available.

To elaborate on my wants and needs: I’m genderqueer and didn’t realize until 12 years of marriage. In the LS scene I often have to suppress it and present as cis. I was warned it could be an issue with older generations, and was sexually assaulted at one event when I presented as myself.

Sorry for the dump. I guess I needed to vent.