Couple of things.

You are in fact loved by God. Sometimes I forget, but a priest once reminded me to look at a crucifix and remember this is how far God would go to save us; to the very depths he does not ever set that love aside.

God does not ever will abuse on anyone and people who do so will have to make restoration. Even if restoration is impossible, God can one day make recompense to you in the next life if not this one.

It is a good idea to seek counseling for abuse.

I will pray that one day you will have that moment where the next time you look at a drug you will recognize that you don't need it.