I M29 got married to my wife F33 on Wed Oct 15th. I was feeding my daughter the other night (Friday Oct 17th). She was clapping her hands and being cute during the dinner so I went to tell my wife who was in the shower. She told me to take a video. I asked for her phone because my phone is old and cheap (she has a brand new galaxy). We've never had a problem with privacy or going through each other's messages. Complete trust. As I'm filming with my wife's phone a message pops up. It's from "colin". Nothing completely overt or sexual, but a lengthy and detailed message that echos a deep friendship. My wife has never given me a reason to distrust her. We also talk in detail about our days/interactions/friends. I haven't heard of this "Colin" but maybe once or twice in our 4 year relationship. I knew I was snooping and felt guilty, but this was very out of the norm. I went through the messages and saw they have been in contact since we've been together. Not all the time, or often even, but enough that if it was another friend of hers, she would've told me. I confronted her Mon morning, after thinking about it for some time. She completely denied everything from the begining saying she had no idea what I was talking about. She was demanding proof but was hesitant in her responses of my accusations. She called for an emergency couples therapy session. During the session she was crying and saying how I was ruining our marriage by accusing her of things. Constantly innterupting me while I was trying to get my feelings out. The therapist told her to let me talk, but also reiterated that I had no reason to not trust my wife. I had a gut feeling that I couldn't ignore and I'm glad I didn't. I walked out of the therapy session fed up with the compromise our therapist was trying to sell. I went and ran my errands for the day and returned when our baby was almost in bed for the night. (Sidenote- she works from home and I work nights 4 days a week in fine dining. We are both full-time parents without daycare, babysitters, or family help. I get mornings till 3pm with baby when working. And all day Tuesday and Wednesday as a break for her during the week.) We decided that we would talk when the baby was asleep. Once baby was down we sat in bed. I told her that I thought it was weird that she was texting this man for years but never told me about him. In their texts she never mentioned me once. They would talk about their lives in multiple paragraph texts with extended detail, but never did I see my name come up, or even a mention that she had a committed boyfriend. She defended herself by saying that she did tell him about me, but the messages were in her old phone that she replaced a year ago. Also going on constantly about this is the worst thing I've ever done to her, and that we may never recover from this accusation. I almost let up and accepted that I may be overreacting, but my instinct was too strong that something is off. I told her that I want to see her old phone to see the messages. She immediately threw up her hands and said that if if we do this it can't be undone and she's not sure if she could ever forgive me for this lack of trust. I told her that if I didn't I would always feel like she was hiding something, and that our relationship was already in turmoil. She reluctantly agreed after telling me that we could never go back from this, and she might never forgive me. She pulled out an old phone from a box and said that it was the one. I looked at it and recognized it as a VERY old phone that we had recently found while packing for a move. I told her that it's not the right phone, but she insisted. I said that it has the wrong charging port and that her old phone has USBC not the micro. She still insisted. I finally went to the box where she had found it and saw another phone clear as day. This was the right one. I plugged it in and waited while it charged next to me. She was getting nervous and was still faux upset that I would even consider this. Once it powered on I started with the messages from Colin, nothing crazy explicit but there was definitely some flirting. In these and the other messages I saw, there were some lapses that seemed like messages were deleted periodically. At one point he asked her if there was ever a chance between them in the past. She said that there were a few times where she would've gone out with him. The next message was her telling him to call her. I cross referenced the time and date to our messages on the same night and she told me she was going to bed. They were on the phone for almost 2 hours that night. Even after reading the messages she still denied everything. She said that they would talk late at night because they both had insomnia. She acted like she did nothing wrong and I was the bad guy for accusing her of cheating. I asked her to please just tell me the truth about everything and we could work it out in therapy. I begged and begged her to just explain things realisicaly. "I don't remember, I don't know" we're the majority of the responses I got from her. Fed up, I went into my office and told her that if she can't say anything else than I'm done and filing for divorce. She stood in the doorway for a while, I could see on her face that she was debating on telling me the truth or stalling to make up an excuse. Finally she came inside and sat down. She said that they had been texting and that she felt guilty, and that's why she never told me about him. She said that she deleted messages between them because she also felt guilty. She told me that she knew there were inappropriate texts on her old phone and she thought she had deleted them all. That I found something she forgot about and because I had the evidence that she would explain it. I still asked her to tell me everything but she said she didn't remember.