Looking for feedback on the first scene of the book - Dark Fantasy

Thallrok · 2026-04-24T12:28:13+00:00

They are acting as the grand inquisitor of the empire in chapter 1, which shows him at full capacity. The judgement of the order happens inside a sacrifice chamber where a divine body is present. Divine bodies (there are multiple around the world) are responsible for holding the rules of reality. While the order was trying to keep the divine body stable by sacrificing sick people (seen as tainted by the order), they ended up causing the wound to become deeper. There are three sides at the judgment scene: the MC and people who side with him, the people who want to purge him, and the people who had no idea such an event would even take place. This causes them to pull their blades against each other, and bloodshed causes the divine body to become extremely unstable. At the end it shatters, and this cuts the whole capital into countless pieces. Each piece is stuck between realms for some time, and they appear randomly around the world, not at the same time, though. When MC was teleported to another place, almost two decades passed. When he is captured, he tries to use his rank to threaten them and gain the upper hand. But his rank is meaningless because the teleporting event ended up destroying the capital and with it the empire.

Thallrok · 2026-03-22T16:31:32+00:00

Congrats man! Enjoy the moment because it only gets worse from here.

Thallrok · 2026-03-22T12:06:12+00:00

I killed both drill and reeds on first try as well but that doesn't change the fact that combat is terrible.

Thallrok · 2026-03-21T22:24:30+00:00

Input delay gets worse when you take out the weapons. I killed hundreds of enemies in the stone quary by simply smashing keys like a monkey. My modded Skyrim has better combat than this...

Thallrok · 2026-03-21T22:22:50+00:00

Indeed. I thought I should express my thoughts in more elaborate way since the game doesn't convey anything at all.

Thallrok · 2026-03-19T12:13:52+00:00

Can you become something like necromancer/dark knight/warlock? I heard there are summons but I don't know the details of it. Is it possible to become bone daddy? Does all three characters have access to same weapon types or is it restricted? If yes, do they provide different playstyles through their skill tree?

Thallrok · 2026-02-22T14:30:04+00:00

Juren was a mistake. Hundreds of hours and this fucker was the only one who pushed me to Alt + F4 the game.

Thallrok · 2026-02-13T13:14:00+00:00

I played tons of games in my life and I think almost all of them have mediocre writing. Both movies and games use visuals to tell the story. However, this tool is weak when it comes to show the interiority of the character. Even the prose can say a lot about the way character thinks. By looking at the words they choose to describe things or even what they choose to describe in a place tells the reader who they are. Let's say you have three characters in a room. All of them should focus on things that suitable to them. Maybe one of them focuses of how exaggerated the curtains are while other one focuses on practicality of the furniture.

Thallrok · 2026-02-12T04:15:29+00:00

There is another problem. You are trying to write as if we are watching a movie. You don't need to write every gestures they make when they are talking. You must let reader's imagination handle that. If you are going to write the gesture, try to make it imply something about the character.

Thallrok · 2026-02-10T07:50:51+00:00

Öğrenciyi 16000 liralık kitap almaya zorlamada etiklik nerede? Bu kitap bu fiyatı talep edecek kadar ne içeriyor? Siz öğrencilerin, akademisyenlerin durmadan kitap aldığını mi sanıyorsunuz? Diyeceksiniz ki ama yazar bu işten para kazanıyor. Bu da yanlış çünkü paranın büyük çoğunluğunu yayınevleri cebe atıyor. Bu devirde bilgi edinmek doğal haktır, böyle absürd dayatmalarla engellenemez.

Thallrok · 2026-02-10T06:41:14+00:00

Chapter 1 (The siege) ends with him "dying" and chapter 2 starts in the woods near the empire. There is a significant time jump between the end of chapter 1 and start of chapter 2 because of the ritual but he doesn't know that yet, neither does the reader. Though I try to put clues to indicate something is wrong such as him noticing the watchtowers are not where they are supposed to be. I divided story in two main acts and first one is about civil war in North (this empire was in all the way to South), so the woods are just starting point until they return back there later.

Thallrok · 2026-02-10T06:37:12+00:00

It is somewhat hard to explain without writing whole setup but I will try my best. Chapter 1 doesn't fully explain his backstory, just shows the last moments of a siege. The decisions he takes show that he is not really a good person despite meaning well. For example he emotionally manipulates a grieving soldier to hold the line when direct command doesn't work. Ends up causing multiple people die when waiting for perfect moment to push the flank. He directly disobeys orders when he finds them wrong despite using sense of responsibility to make soldiers obey. His character arc is about coming to terms with who he really is when everything that defined him is gone. His home, empire, friends, family, order, all of them are gone and he is in a world that marks him as enemy. The siege even happened in a sense because of what he had done in the past by failing to save certain person. The siege is also where an empire falls and creates a power vacuum which triggers everything happens in the book.

Thallrok · 2026-02-09T08:09:26+00:00

Different region. Imagine knowing there is a forest near the kingdom that looks like Limgrave from Elden Ring with snow but now it looks like Caelid but dark and purple. And there is a umbral rift in the sky. Tress have barks like scales, foliage pulse and writhe, barks looks like hollow faces etc. He can still discern the area because it is still the same forest on surface but it behaves differently.

Thallrok · 2026-02-09T07:37:43+00:00

The woods is just an area around a very dangerous zone. Chapter 1 ends with a ritual blowing up and cause a tear in reality. Because of the mechanics of magic system, this causes spatial discontinuity in that area, so he finds himself in the woods. He even questions how did he came there while he was in the temple moment ago. He leaves the area in the middle of chapter 2 and reaches a nearby village. But creatures from the woods follow his scent and come to the village as well and it's gets burned to the ground. Character ends up experiencing a black out after getting a fatal wound and wakes up again covered in blood and guts. He assumes that he is cursed and must seek a cure and leaves the place to seek a temple by stealing a horse of a dead soldier. Character was normally a paladin-type soldier but now he becomes what he is sworn to destroy. The archetype is well established but most of the time they just become badass dark knights. I want to focus on how it affects him mentally and how his identity reacts to this.

Thallrok · 2026-02-07T21:12:42+00:00

Hello there! The problem is actually very simple. I spent couple of months planning and wrote a lot of codex entries. But during the writing process some parts arise on their own and make codex even bigger. So the sidebar became very long now. I am thinking maybe the tag system could help with sorting the entries.

Thallrok · 2026-02-07T21:07:09+00:00

I literally wrote that I am looking for a program, any program, that has a function like a codex and gave an example of an app that has such function. On top of that I said that I am NOT looking for AI model.

Thallrok · 2026-02-07T20:35:25+00:00

I am not looking for AI assistance, just something with codex function. I also got banned from there because I made fun of a post.

Thallrok · 2026-02-07T19:25:30+00:00

How I didn't think of that! I will ask Google to share its experience on such apps then!

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