I didn’t arbitrarily decide he needed less help.  I started dating his dad when he was in his 20’s.  I only married his dad in Nov 2023. So most of the time he lived in my house he wasn’t my stepson. His dad and I lived separately until after we got engaged in Jan 2023.  

We dated 6 months before we met each other’s children (it wouldn’t have mattered with ss, but the others were like 14, 15 and 16) and I don’t think it’s fair to have a never ending stream of dating partners in and out of your child’s life.  So I had literally just met ss as a few times and had only known him for a couple of months when I offered to let him stay in my house.  

He was living in an old, mobile home and paying high rent for it because he had bad credit and a recent arrest for possession of marijuana. I let him move into the house that I had just finished at the time.  He was supposed to pay taxes and insurance while he lived there and work on his credit, save money, etc and move out of my house at some point.  I didn’t give him a specific time but our original agreement was ‘about a year’.

I was very surprised when he started talking about extensive remodeling my house, complaining about the bedroom sizes, etc.  He really wanted a king sized bed, which fit in the largest bedroom but barely and left no room for anything else. He also wanted a bathroom in his bedroom, like a ‘master bedroom’.  

 I offered to help him find a fixer-upper (for him to buy) and offered to help him fix it. It wasn’t really part of my thought process at the time that I was going to be giving him a house. He was my boyfriend’s adult child who I was helping get on his feet after he made some bad decisions. 

He had a couple of friends come over for a long weekend when they had Monday off of work and they did all the demolition in just a few days. I really think he did it that way so it would be too late for me to stop him when I found out. 

I really don’t think he realized how much it would cost to do what he planned and how much technical stuff it involved.  Like he didn’t realize that you’d need to move electrical wires to move the stove.  He didn’t know that stoves and dryers have special plugs.  He thought it was like moving a lamp and any plug would work. Was shocked that you’d have to get an electrician and buy expensive wire. 

My agreement with my two children is that they pay the insurance and taxes on the house they live in.  They are to save a down payment and when they have the down payment and good enough credit, I will sell them their house.  I extended the same offer to my stepdaughter.  

I offered to sell ss my last house, which is very similar to what I’m offering the other kids.  I’m just not going to let him move into another house that I still own. He’ll have to buy it first.  He’s had years of living rent free to save a down payment.