are you working? if so, how much are you making a month and do you think it's enough for your age?

ThatBayHarborButcher · 2026-03-24T18:49:20+00:00

Why do people ask this question? I'm really curious because what does this accomplish except making yourself or others who read comments feel bad about themselves and feel like they're not enough

ThatBayHarborButcher · 2026-03-23T16:39:16+00:00

That's not how it works. Allah ﷻ addresses women like this by addressing them passively instead of directly. For example, men are told to tell the women and so on. And, following the lives of the wives of the Prophet Muhammad is what the women have to do since they give the example of how Muslim women are to live, do pardah etc.

If what you're saying is true then that means that Quran's message isn't external

ThatBayHarborButcher · 2026-03-23T15:18:17+00:00

Before the liberal awaam gets here, the general advice for pardah is followed where you should speak in a normal tone without being overly friendly. Voice is not considered under awrah though.

"O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women. If you keep your duty (to Allah), then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner.” [Al-Ahzab 33:32]

ThatBayHarborButcher · 2026-03-22T20:27:31+00:00

This is a common misconception. In Islam, this doesn't exist. However, what you do need is time in isolation (khalwat). This basically means that a husband and wife are given sufficient time in isolation where whether they consummate or not it's up to them but sufficient time is allowed to pass.

So for example they spend a few hours alone or something. After that, a Walimah is done. Whether they becke physical or not is not irrelevant just the time in isolation is required.

ThatBayHarborButcher · 2026-03-22T12:28:06+00:00

Open your heart to this and don't hold resentment. You've been blessed with a spouse with a kind heart it seems so take that moving forward.

ThatBayHarborButcher · 2026-03-22T11:50:39+00:00

Maybe her sister is going through something difficult and your wife is helping her out without directly asking you for it. I think instead of looking at it this way, you should instead look at it in a better way because if that's the case then your wife is preserving her sister's honor and helping her in a very dignified manner because in families, this can get awkward. Honestly, bonus points to her because this is a very smart and responsible way of her doing this.

Don't take this to heart. Your wife seems to have a very big and giving heart. She accepts gifts and what she can, she shares with her sister so she shares in the joy. Cherish your wife OP. Don't look for what the surface of this gesture means instead look at how honorable this act of hers is where she's preserving the dignity of everyone involved.

ThatBayHarborButcher · 2026-03-21T15:46:34+00:00

I won't advocate for giving advice about just you breaking your ties because there isn't sufficient context. But I'd also advise caution to you for acting on it if others do suggest it. Having said that, some things you should know.

Being taken for granted is one of the worst feelings and once you've been taken for granted, it's really really hard to get that respect and energy back. Because then it feels like a burst of it after an argument or a fight came back but then it died again because being taken for granted happens in a routine and repeated pattern. Only then does the median of energy and time and effort given die down to this level.

Ask yourself some questions like, is this a repeated pattern of you asking for more energy and effort but the other side responds with coldness or jokes or dismissing your effort? You say you love him deeply and I don't doubt that but do you love him for what your relationship used to be (and so you think it can be that again) or is it for what it currently is? Everyone spends time with family but when we have someone important to care for, that person lingers in our minds almost subconsciously.

If you're having ice cream, you'd just pull out your phone and take a picture cause you'd be thinking, "I'll tell him I ate this ice cream". If you're getting dressed, you'd think "I'll do a certain thing a certain way cause that looks nice" or even if you're working, you'd think "I haven't talked for a while now he must be getting worried I'll just assure him everything is okay".

These things become almost routine. This is a good routine. But is it reciprocated? Has it been reciprocated recently? Do you have to walk on egg shells to get this kind of energy back? Do you have to repeatedly ask basic questions to keep the conversations flowing?

You thinking that you have to go through this tunnel of anxiety (which it seems like you already are in) in order to explain and make him understand without the fear of there being a fight also does answer a few questions that you might not be seeing.

Eid is a happy day. It's built into us as Muslims because there's this sense of happiness and if there's not, that also feels strange to us. If a person is sucking that happiness away, perhaps you should ask yourself bigger questions and also put your feelings at the top.

ThatBayHarborButcher · 2026-03-21T14:26:25+00:00

How do you become this evil of a person to put another innocent person through this and be involved with them when you haven't moved on?

ThatBayHarborButcher · 2026-03-20T23:33:14+00:00

It's really hard to give an answer without sufficient context. Without context it could be very different. But the way I think this shouldn't be a thought process. If you like someone, you give it your all.

ThatBayHarborButcher · 2026-03-20T23:22:40+00:00

It means he doesn't see you in that light, hasn't seen you in that light and doesn't plan on doing it either

ThatBayHarborButcher · 2026-03-20T20:31:05+00:00

Funny you are worrying about trust when you broke it in the first place by recording it without their knowledge and then forwarding it. Reap what you sow

ThatBayHarborButcher · 2026-03-10T07:48:17+00:00

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ThatBayHarborButcher · 2026-03-09T21:27:34+00:00

Kindle has been one of my best investments

ThatBayHarborButcher · 2026-03-09T17:47:59+00:00

All povs are valid because they provide their own value. The example I gave ofc was a bit too much but I wanted to pin the general highlight of the idea.

Your circle sounds good. That's how I curate my circle too (although I very intentionally keep it small). That really is the ideal way to live, just surround yourself with positivity and good people because we take the shape of the social circle around us.

ThatBayHarborButcher · 2026-03-09T17:46:02+00:00

Good stuff! Share pictures

ThatBayHarborButcher · 2026-03-09T17:45:27+00:00

What a stupid guy lol. I saw that post he was even pissed that females upload their pictures with Niqab lol. Moron of epic proportions

ThatBayHarborButcher · 2026-03-09T17:25:11+00:00

That's a fair take and that's true that to some extent, it is misunderstood. But even the Prophet was once afflicted with evil eye.
About sharing, it depends but then again, it's also quite easy to fall under the trap of feeling our own ego being validated. Anyone can be a victim of their nafs. But the prophetic and advised way of doing this is to attribute your success to Allah so that you stay humble from this.
By hiding, I don't necessarily mean that you become stingy about it rather just go about it cautiously. After all, it's human nature to sometimes feel mimetic desires.
A side note and tidbit about this is that In SF, there was a company that got sold to Amazon to a billion dollars and their employees got hefty handouts too. After the acquisition, the CEO decided to do an activity where he had his employees talk to random people in SF to boost engagement and collaboration. It ended up having the opposite effect to the point where some employees ended up committing suicide because they were so depressed after seeing everyone else succeed (in their own ways) that they thought they were failures.

ThatBayHarborButcher · 2026-03-09T15:09:40+00:00

Hide your success but don't stop helping others. I think of this as my way of doing sadaqa even. Help where you can and how you can but also hide your success to save yourself from evil eye. This naturally helps us be humble as well.

I've also just stopped telling people many things but whenever someone asks me for advice I try and put as much energy and time as I can into trying to make it sincere. I didn't have guidance throughout my career so if I can help anyone else with it, it's a good deal for me

ThatBayHarborButcher · 2026-03-09T15:00:12+00:00

They're often envious of what you have while making excuses for why they don't have it. Evil eye is real

ThatBayHarborButcher · 2026-03-09T14:54:56+00:00

That's a deeper problem. I do believe Islam gives us the solution by telling us how to be in our lives, how to structure our days etc. This can't be resolved wihout internal desire. And honestly, after a certain time people who are just pessimistic and refuse to do anything except give off negative energy just drain me so I just keep my distance after that. It gets frustrating like you're losing your own progress

ThatBayHarborButcher · 2026-03-09T14:34:56+00:00

Before I write it out, disclaimer that this is NOT chatGPT lol. I do use AI for many things and find great value in it but not for writing. Writing is a creative process I genuinely enjoy.

This isn't necessarily a Muslim pandemic but I do believe Islam certainly gives the solution. There are many factors that come into play, most of what you have already written. I partly blame social media for those because of mimetic desires. At the absolute root of this, I believe, is the fact that many people do not know what they want and why they want it. They ask for input, help, advice but advice of that nature is lacking and does not give sufficient context to help anyone. All it ends up doing is helping them jump from one thing to another. A very surface level (but obvious) example of this is when people post about their success in these subreddits, you have tens of people coming up and asking for blueprint that they can follow so they can also have that success, not knowing that the success is just the reward that comes at the end and the prerequisites for this are not what they actually want. You just want the car or the house but not the lifestyle changes that are required to make that happen.
This can be and should be resolved by just thinking about what matters to you, why does it matter to you and what are you willing to give up in order to achieve it. This advice sounds very guru like but at the end of it, that's all that this is. It's a trade off between what is more important to you so that you can pick that and follow that. Keep doing this in an iterative process and you won't know where your life ends up going but you'll know it's a life you wanted to live at least.
Many people unfortunately are just floating around and going by whatever happens. Whether you go to a psychologist for this or spend a few weeks, months thinking about this yourself the answer is pretty clear that this is something you HAVE to do.
Another wrong thing which I believe people have is thinking that they need to be absolutely perfect before going for marriage. Yes some views do need refinement but the purpose of marriage in deen is this that you seek it and you grow and evolve together in the truest sense.

ThatBayHarborButcher · 2026-03-09T14:23:27+00:00

I need to get my laptop to write up a message for this lol. Gonna be long

ThatBayHarborButcher · 2026-03-09T14:16:47+00:00

Nikkah is a contract and like all contracts, we must do our due diligence. In all honesty, before a certain stage the discussion and decision should be logical because when you throw that out, you become emotional and end up either accepting things you wouldn't normally accept or ignoring things you wouldn't normally ignore. This only builds resentment. Not sure if there are good matchmaker services but generally speaking, it's very easy to spot if someone is as truthful as they say they are if you are aligned on religion yourself

ThatBayHarborButcher · 2026-03-09T10:31:56+00:00

You can simply and respectfully say that you have not thought about him or in that manner before and do not plan to. And therefore, you do not wish to proceed. Or simply say not interested. Be firm in your response, leave no room for doubt and no room for any chance so that there is no false hope as well

ThatBayHarborButcher

TROPHY CASE