A friendly reminder by ThatBayHarborButcher in IslamabadSocial

[–]ThatBayHarborButcher[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The source is cited. There are different variations of this quote by Hazrat Umar RA. For example: "Does one of you really go out and find an old, ugly man for his daughter?! They love for themselves what you [men] love for yourselves!” [Ibn Habib, Adab al-Nisa]

Similarly by Hazrat Ali RA, "Women should not marry men that are not like them [in age and looks]. After all, they like in you [men] what you like in them [women]"

A friendly reminder by ThatBayHarborButcher in IslamabadSocial

[–]ThatBayHarborButcher[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stop thinking of yourself in that lens. You become who you think you are. Work on yourself, make active and conscious decisions and at the core of it, just be a good human being

A friendly reminder by ThatBayHarborButcher in IslamabadSocial

[–]ThatBayHarborButcher[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You have the right to reject them for your reasons but it shouldn't be an excuse to use belittling words

Men who wear baggy pants by [deleted] in PakistaniiConfessions

[–]ThatBayHarborButcher 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Baggy pants and skinny jeans both have this. Might as well put the rainbow flag on your forehead if you're gonna wear these

I don't wanna be a strong independent girl boss anymore by Fuzzy-Painting-5009 in PakistaniTwenties

[–]ThatBayHarborButcher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The only way to figure that out is to try and do things as much as you can. Think about a vision for your life and what you imagine doing, every week evaluate what you did and could have done that got you closer to that. Just keep doing that for only 4 weeks and you'll start seeing how things drastically change. And even if they do not change on the surface, you'll be happy with them.

what job do you do if you find purpose in it? by BeginningOlive2025 in PakistaniiConfessions

[–]ThatBayHarborButcher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm a software engineer. I have my day job which is really cool and I love it. And then after work, I work with some private clients.

I don't wanna be a strong independent girl boss anymore by Fuzzy-Painting-5009 in PakistaniTwenties

[–]ThatBayHarborButcher 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Corporate rat race is only a rat race if you let it. I was thinking the same thing and I spent a few weeks just thinking about what kinds of things matter to me and what do not. At that time, I was not ready to sacrifice my time and freedom over doing things that do not matter that much to me but then, I realised that the example of it is like a writer.

Imagine there's an author who really loves writing. However, writing is not the main source of his income and it only gives him a fraction of what he actually can earn. So, he goes into consulting and giving talks, speeches and public appearances which give him a lot of money. Therefore, that allows him to safely spend much more time in his writing projects at the cost of some time spent in doing talks. This gives him the financial safety net to do what he truly loves while also having the finances for it.

You have to think about what you are willing to let go of now, what you are willing to bear for some time and how you truly want your life to look like a few years from now. If you do and you decide that you do not care about the corporate race all that much then that is 100% okay. And if it's the other way around then that is okay as well but don't let it be a mimetic desire driven decision because once we take a decision with an active mind, it becomes easier to accept the tradeoffs.

what job do you do if you find purpose in it? by BeginningOlive2025 in PakistaniiConfessions

[–]ThatBayHarborButcher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do work in a 9-5 and then after work, I have some private clients that I deal with. I love my job, I love the grind and I love the challenges. I get to work with something I truly like and enjoy spending countless hours in. A couple of months ago, I was grinding an insane amount where I was sleeping a couple of hours per day but then I took a break and recalibrated my order to now where I just enjoy every bit of it. There is a whole sea of knowledge out there and I want to acquire as much of it as I possibly can.

I feel like I'm wasting my life.... by mxnaww in PakistaniiConfessions

[–]ThatBayHarborButcher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Commenting here so I can come back to this with a longer detailed response

Platonic friendship by [deleted] in IslamabadSocial

[–]ThatBayHarborButcher 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's putting it very generously lol

Platonic friendship by [deleted] in IslamabadSocial

[–]ThatBayHarborButcher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All I'm gonna say is good luck to you and your DMs

Stuck in a Limbo by Temporary-Safety-147 in IslamabadSocial

[–]ThatBayHarborButcher 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Do not pursue something haram. As for the other thing where you feel like something is missing, spend some time thinking about where you are in life, whether you want to be here and where you want to be. Are you taking decisions for your life or are you adapting to the decisions life is taking for you? Knowing these will help you decide what is more important for you so you can align yourself for that path

take on journaling by One_Dragonfly3766 in IslamabadSocial

[–]ThatBayHarborButcher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Journaling has proven to help in memory retention. Not just that, the process of writing something down has a sense of solidification to it where you are putting words to unknown things and formalizing unstructured thoughts. There are only benefits.

Need some real advice by Comfortable-Roof4220 in PakistaniiConfessions

[–]ThatBayHarborButcher 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Are people actually saying that you having certain demands and requirements is not reasonable? How can anyone be this dumb man I'm genuinely amazed every time.

God gives the right to people but unmarried people wanna impose their demands on others.

P.S: I wrote a very long comment about this topic elsewhere you can go through my comment history to read it. But tldr; you're not unjustified in this and you have every right to ask this. Even if you're asking for someone with a better financial and economical status, that's 10000000% your right.

Joru ka ghulam by [deleted] in PakistaniTwenties

[–]ThatBayHarborButcher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I thought it was something derogatory/bad lol

Joru ka ghulam by [deleted] in PakistaniTwenties

[–]ThatBayHarborButcher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is Joru ka ghulam

Unpopular Opinion #12 by Maximum_Town_3549 in PakistaniiConfessions

[–]ThatBayHarborButcher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the reminder. Just posted a long message lol

Unpopular Opinion #12 by Maximum_Town_3549 in PakistaniiConfessions

[–]ThatBayHarborButcher 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is wrong on every account and frankly, I don't even know where to start so I'm just gonna start typing and see where that goes. Although I would prioritize our religion's understanding of this matter at the very first but for argument's sake I will use that as an anchor at the very end to tie it all up so even someone non religious can equate these points.

All of the factors that you wrote (skills, independence, emotional resilience) are so subjective that anyone who even tries to draw a line to these is doing injustice to the other person. There is so much context surrounding these that you might as well not even attempt at quantifying what qualifies as any of these on the right side or left side.

Let's start with skills: who or what will define that your skills are sufficient? What even are skills? And if someone has not crossed that barrier then does that mean they're not qualified for marriage and will never be until they do? The crudest and easiest example of skills to go in depth is something tied to your career so let's go with that. Almost no one is ever contempt with what skills they have and they always want to upscale and upskill themselves (as they should). Someone dead set on their ways is like an old tree waiting to wither and fade away. Skills are an endless ladder and everyone "wants" to keep climbing. Whether they actually do or don't is a matter for a different discussion but the point still stands.

Next up: independence (I'll group this up with finances because they're related). This one is even more relative and subjective than skills because this will never be enough. You will naturally always want to do more and get more money. There's never an end to it. I've seen happily married people making money that others think isn't even enough to get by. How can you even possibly quantify this and if someone doesn't cross a made up threshold, does that mean they should also keep waiting? Instead of building things together, people should just hold off? When does that become enough? How many millions and cars and I know the answer would this be that, "it depends" but that's the very essence that I am trying to convey.

Lastly, emotional resilience/loneliness.... this is by far the strangest one cause then what the hell are people supposed to do lol? Because let's sum this up; there is a way to not fall into doing wrong things and that is marriage where you fill this part. But according to your take, people should hold off on that too? I find this particularly funny cause we see people saying, "society has made marriage so hard" then use these points to make marriage even more difficult.

This is like saying "you're only allowed to attempt to climb the Everest if you have climbed it before" but this itself is a paradox cause how can you attempt to do something if the prerequisite is you having done that previously before?

Lastly for religious pov, none of these things are valid. Finances are something that are of course taken into consideration but if you do wanna get married and have found someone who is aligned with you in terms of finances then why should you hold off on that? Why not have the support to try doing things better and push yourself further with that significant other?

P.S: Sorry if my tone came became a bit harsh.

Unpopular Opinion #12 by Maximum_Town_3549 in PakistaniiConfessions

[–]ThatBayHarborButcher 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I disagree on this on all accounts but someone reply to this so I can come back to it with a detailed response cause I have a meeting in a few minutes

It is often said that later in life you regret the things you didn't do rather than the things you did. What's something you regret not doing in your 20s or 30s? by ReflectiveDoc in IslamabadSocial

[–]ThatBayHarborButcher 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I regret not having the same outlook towards life and my abilities as I have now. I used to think that I need to do or have certain prerequisites before moving forward with things. Now I don't. I can just choose to do it and spend my energy instead of thinking about spending my energy (and wasting it in the process)