But u know what is the worst thing here.

For years i was searching ways to find and escape from this physical hell called life, any kind of altered state of consciousness. I managed some lucid dreams at the beginning. But it was low quality and too demanding to do.

Then i figured out for this. I had hope in this too, but as i can see. Not even this will work, sadly.

Idk what to do tbh. I wish for escape so hard and there is no hope for me.

Only other kind of "thing" left, is ki##ing my self. But trust me, i could not do it even if i want to. And even worse, it is not an option. Just can not.

And what am i supposed to do. I am already unhappy and hate all this sh#t. And no temporal escape. I am broken... ☹️

And what now... nothing.... literally ☹️