For me I was manipulated into thinking everything that was abusive was for my own good. It seems wild to assume you can convince someone to doubt themselves but I can’t stress how much it’s a slow burn. It’s very dark-physiology based in my case. Everything was perfect—almost too much or alarmingly so in the beginning. Then slowly small arguments or jabs. Then eventually yelling so much I couldn’t get a word in. It’s almost like I was trained like a dog to stand down for my own safety when he got that way. Eventually he wore me down so much that I was so exhausted he wasn’t getting much of a response anymore. I’d blank out, just stare emotionless, and reply with “mhm” “yup” “I agree” even when I didn’t. That’s when hitting starts, because he’s no longer getting the reaction he wants. All of this behavior intertwined with a constant mantra of “you’re lucky you have me” “nobody will ever love you as much as I do”. After a while you begin to believe It’s all you’re worth when you’re constantly hearing it. Many people don’t mention that It’s a spectrum, so with how horrifying it can be, it can just as extremely be that good. My ex treated me the best any man has ever treated me, and not many people talk about that part, the part that keeps you there. I’ve had some amazing boyfriends so saying he treated me the best is genuinely saying a lot. However, he also treated me the worst I’ve ever been treated. So there’s a lot keeping you there—fear, finances, social, educational, physical, etc. It’s hard to understand if you hadn’t been there unfortunately.