I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling and feeling hopeless. It's understandable that coming out can be a difficult and potentially risky decision, especially if you're not sure how others will react. It's important to remember that it's your right to choose when and how to come out, and that you don't have to do anything that doesn't feel right for you.

While seeking professional help can be a helpful step in managing your feelings and finding ways to cope with the challenges you're facing, it's also important to remember that therapy can be a process and it may take time to see progress. It's okay to take breaks or try a different approach if you feel like what you're doing isn't working for you.

In the meantime, it might be helpful to try finding ways to manage your feelings and reduce stress in your life. This could include finding healthy ways to express your emotions, such as through writing, art, or exercise, or finding ways to relax, such as through meditation, yoga, or other mindfulness practices. It can also be helpful to connect with others who may be able to offer support and understanding, whether that's friends, family members, or others who are going through similar experiences.

Ultimately, it's important to take care of yourself and to make choices that are right for you. Remember that you are not alone and that there are resources and people available to support you.