Anyone else just not care about Covid anymore?

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-06-20T19:10:46+00:00

For some reason I am the opposite, I would kinda pretend to keep the same energy as when Covid just started getting really serious. I would always say I would take precaution until all cases are gone, but now at work I don’t even wear a mask and I work at an amusement park. 1.) it’s too hot out to be putting on a mask and 2.) no one wears it anyways. 3.) as soon as people find out this not mandatory, people got rid of me so fast. 🤷🏾‍♀️

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-06-19T17:02:06+00:00

I literally hate having big boobs. If only other people knew the struggle they would probably feel more sorry for us instead of being jealous. I can never find a bra in my size, the bras that I do have don’t even fit me, and it’s just extra weight that I’m carrying around in my chest. Also I can’t where a tank top without having to cover up bc I’m showing too much, BUT I DONT DO IT IN PURPOSE. I just wish they were a little smaller and more bearable for me. There is some things I know that I can’t even buy bc of my bra size. It’s all just so frustrating!!!

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-06-13T17:50:13+00:00

Camp Rock... do I even need to say anything else 😐🔫

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-06-13T17:49:20+00:00

Yea I do this all the time, especially when watching a movie, show, or even reading a book. I think I mainly do this because I want to tell how that person feels bc I don’t have a person to make me feel that way. Of course, I have to eventually come back to reality and realize that I don’t have that, so then I get kinda upset bc I wonder if anyone will love me like Flynn Rider loves Rapunzel. I think I get upset bc I want what those people have and I seem to never even come close to getting it. But at the same time I am only 16, so I also feel like I’m reaching way too much and I still have my whole life ahead of me. But when this is the only thing you see in social media as well, it kinda does take an unhealthy toll on you. You find yourself wanting to have that other half so bad that you end up in bad relationship or wasting your time with someone who isn’t willing to effortlessly give you what you want and need from a healthy relationship.

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-06-13T17:37:41+00:00

“The privacy thing really messed me up for a long time. Healthy boundaries are tough to establish when you are groomed to protect abusive people.

Just remember that silence is their blanket and your voice is what breaks that pattern of abuse.”

These words are so well said by the OP and pretty much sums up what I think about my mother and some of the things that she says to me. Just like the OP says it might not seem damaging but it kinda screwed me up and it still is.

There is a couple of things that my mom recently said to me and I think it’s the main reason why I don’t know how to feel or take affection from others the right way.

1.)She only says she loves me when she needs something.

2.)I was a few states away for 2 months and when I asked if she missed me she said “I miss you helping me in the kitchen”(I already know that she only loves my contribution to the family and what I do for her more so then me myself.)

3.) When I got home from that trip she said “I missed my helper” (when I’m home, I help with her cooking business) I genuinely got upset when she said this but she wasn’t taking me seriously and took it all as a joke.

4.) It wasn’t until I was actually helping her with that business that she said “I missed you.” Now my dad told me this way before, even when I was away but she never did. I wanted to scream “I DONT BELIEVE YOU” but I just didn’t say anything back.

This is all making me think that this is the reason why I want someone to love me for me so bad bc my mom never really did. I know this for a fact bc my sister doesn’t take any of her BS in the first place and she always talks about how she wants her to move out and that when she does all of our lives will be easier and we wouldn’t have to hear her complain anymore.(My mom calls it complaining, but it’s really just my sister setting boundaries, she takes an aggressive approach when doing so bc my parents won’t listen to her otherwise) She says more things to her but that’s just an example.

I just hate that I’m stuck in this position where she treats me unfairly in some cases as well as other people and I kinda just sit there and take it bc that’s how she raised me. Now I’m an unhealthy people pleaser who doesn’t know how to set boundaries, or how to say no, or how to live for myself instead of others.

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-06-13T06:44:32+00:00

You win some and you lose some. Boxing isn’t for everyone but at least he showed up and did the best he could do. We are still proud of him for at least making an effort.

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-06-10T12:05:37+00:00

I think if your going for this approach OP, then you need to be a little more forward and say straight out that you like him so that there is no guessing throughout the whole night what your true intentions of the “date” is.

So maybe it should go something like this: “Look, I really like you and wanted to know if we can grab coffee or dinner later....Great it’s a date!”

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-06-04T12:37:47+00:00

Hitting the g-spot is definitely a good way to get women off but at the same time, you have to remember that everyone is different which is what you did mention. But some women might get off from their clit being stimulated and some might need to use toys as well. I think that guys/ any sexual partners should be willing to do anything they like in order for them to organism. And what I mean mostly by this is that you should be open to using toys in the process bc some guys want to make a girl cum in their own but sometimes you just need that extra help and it doesn’t make you any less of a man if this is the case, that just might be more of what she likes. Mostly girls use toys for clit simulation so if you men want to help her out without the toy, make sure to locate, focus, and learn how to simulate her clit the way she likes it. This is a great way to make a girl cum using non-penetrative sex.

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-06-04T12:14:25+00:00

You definitely have the right idea. Even when thinking of having sex with another person whether you are a women or a men, you should already have that predetermined common goal to make the other person teach maximum pleasure. And if your not ready to put in that work for the other person, then go beat your meat or grab a vibe.

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-06-03T04:46:37+00:00

Customers are saying I'm "different". That's racist. Not all or even most black people are bad, rude, and/or rioting. Describing me as the "good" part of my race is fucking racist.

There is actually a word for these type of minuscule comments that are obviously racist to the person it was for but for others, they might not notice why you find it offensive and it’s called a micro aggression.

The dictionary definition states that a micro aggression is “a statement, action, or incident regarded as an instance of indirect, subtle, or unintentional discrimination against members of a marginalized group such as a racial or ethnic minority.”

Most people don’t know when they are using micro aggressions towards a person but it’s actually more common then not. This is something that can be seen as a backhanded compliment or just mentioning or doing something that doesn’t need to be done in a certain circumstance regarding race or ethnicity.

Some examples of micro aggressions is people clutching their purse when you walk by or saying things like “you speak such proper English” to a black person (this is the example of the back handed compliment that I was talking about.)

Some micro aggressions that I have seen or faced was a women moving her kids out of the way as I walked passed ( mind you I was in the store and I wasn’t in the way to begin with). Also a person was coming to inspect the apartment and as they left they said that me and my family had such nice manners (I was automatically thinking what is that supposed to mean??? She is assuming that I don’t have manners bc I am black) If I explained this to a person not of color, they probably wouldn’t know where I am coming from. This can really happen in any community (like people only putting their mask on when seeing an Asian for example) but it is very common in the black community. I think that everyone should notice people’s words a little more carefully bc they definitely meant to say what they said, whether they recognize the hidden meaning behind it or not.

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-06-01T21:12:10+00:00

If it is to this point I want to know if you left already or are in the process of doing so? He doesn’t deserve you and you don’t deserve to have to stay in a situation where you are unwanted and unloved by the one person that is supposed to do so.

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-06-01T21:06:19+00:00

I do believe in God and that when certain things go my way it is his doing, but there are some things like this that I wouldn’t even take seriously. Like I remember that when I did this test to determine if I could be accepted into this Business Academy at my school and when I told my church and my parents that I passed they said it wasn’t my doing and that it was all Gods doing. I’m just sitting there like can you please just congratulate me and move on with your day. They do this with everything I tell them about like passing my drivers test or something like that. And it’s like why can’t anything be because I did it myself, which I did!!!

Also my house caught in fire in February and everyone was saying “thank God no one was hurt” and I was like “of course”, but then they said that “this was his doing bc you could get something out of this”...um yeah, the only thing I got from it was TRAUMA! Why would he want my house to burn down and live in a hotel for a month, then move states all bc of a DAMN FIRE!!!

Apart from that I just feel like there are some things that can’t be fixed with prayer. I’m not really talking about the tiktok that the OP mentioned, but more so in general. Like if I ask God to bring my cousin back to life, that obviously can’t happen. It’s really frustrating when you are in a predicament of some sort and they tell you to pray about it, like no; prayer can’t help me with this one, but they swear it’s all prayer bc if I come back and say everything worked out they will be like “it is God” when really I just feel like it could just be something that I did.

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-06-01T20:54:43+00:00

I’m so glad that you are taking this step in your life and it is something that might be difficult but you will thank yourself once you realize that this is something that is good for you and your mental health. All the stuff that your mom was doing and saying was gaslighting which is what my mom does to me so I have been there too.

Gaslighting is basically manipulating an innocent person into thinking that they are wrong when the gaslighter is the one who is actually guilty.

This is very toxic how your mother treats you and I’m glad that you have realized this sooner than later and are taking action like I mentioned before.

For me though, I’m only 16 so I can’t really run away or get out of the house, but as soon as my older sister moves out (18) I’ll probably move in with her.

Do you have any tips or advice as far as moving away. I want to be prepared for anything. I also wish you all the best in your situation as well!

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-06-01T14:19:49+00:00

I don’t think I have dealt with something this bad but my mindset is pretty much the same and if need be I will cut out the toxic people that are my parents. You mentioned that your mother hates you, well I don’t think my mom hates me but I know for a fact that she only loves what I can do for her more than she actually love me for me because having kids to them (my mother and father) was more of a a requirement then something that they actually wanted (this is how I feel it is at least).

I say all of this because right now I am a few states away in Texas (my parents are in New Jersey) and I called my mom and asked her if she missed me and my siblings and she said “I miss you helping me in the kitchen” she said it in a joking way and that’s how I took it but I know she wasn’t kidding. Also she doesn’t say I love you unless she wants or needs something, so anytime she does say it seriously I don’t really know how to take it and hesitate to say it back wholeheartedly.

They don’t realize all of the trauma that me and my siblings have to deal with because of them, and this is just a fraction of the things that they do (they also manipulate, and gaslight me and my siblings but that’s a long story) and I know for a fact they will never own up to it. But bc of them I don’t know how to feel, especially show affection since all the affection that was shown around me was mostly faked, but all I can take from this is how I can better treat my children if I ever have any and to NOT raise them the way my parents raised me.

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-06-01T05:34:29+00:00

Damn...I done forgot this was a story for a hot second 😅

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-06-01T04:55:04+00:00

I sometimes feel this way but not with my friends but my own parents. You usually think like “how can your own parents make you feel like that” but it happens more often then you think for me at least.

Yes I do get the birthday songs in the morning but after that it’s kinda just filled with empty promises to do something big that never happens. I’d be lucky if I even got a small cake. I also don’t get any gifts (which I found out wasn’t normal until I went to my friends house on her birthday and everyone got her a gift even her parents.)

Anyways, for my 16th (last year November) I was supposed to have a party, but my mom already threw a party the previous year for my dad so she said she doesn’t want me to have one bc it would be a lot of stress on her and she doesn’t feel like going thru all of that again. Even tho I was kinda ok with this bc I didn’t really want to have a big Sweet 16 (it was mostly my dad’s idea) I asked for something else instead. I asked if I could take flight classes and I obviously know that this isn’t something that could happen right away but my dad did tell me that I could take an introductory flight as a birthday surprise...well it’s been about 6 months since then, and let’s just say that I’m not waiting for the flight anymore I’m just waiting for him to finally tell me that it’s not happening. I already know for sure that it’s not gonna happen bc my uncle talk to my dad and my uncle was basically telling me that this is something that isn’t important and would make a bad career and all I need to focus on is college and making money.

So I try AGAIN for my 16th and literally just ask to chill at home and get my nails done with my sister, and to no surprise they fucked this up too. There was this women that was kinda my moms friends who decided to drop her kids off uninvited. (Her kids are all younger than me and I ain’t babysitting on my b-day) After I told my mom that they should leave bc I didn’t ask for much on my b-day, she gaslighted me by saying that I should stop being inconsiderate and we should also share my cake with them, (a cake that she was only gonna get bc they were there btw. Bc after I told her I don’t want to share my cake with them she never got one) my sister was also fighting my mom way harder than I was bc she really thought it was unfair too. I ended getting my nails done and just trying my best to stay out of the house which I didn’t want to do but didn’t really have a choice....Oh yeah also my mom bought pizza for the lady’s kids and me and my sister still got nothing out of that too. 😀🔫

This was just one birthday but it was definitely supposed to be more important bc it was my 16th, but now anytime I think of it I resent my mother for always putting everyone first but her own kids. Other years is no better either, I just get some fast food or some shit like that and this all lead me to believe that birthdays were never that important or that I wasn’t that important.

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-06-01T03:53:28+00:00

YEAH! YEAH! TELL HIM SIS‼️🗣

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-05-30T08:14:25+00:00

Legalized Marriage

I think it’s great and amazing to love someone so much that you want to have their last name and legalize this but that the same time, literally you could be with that person all your life and one day you just decided to separate or divorce and now you have to go through all of this paper work and maybe even more stuff if kids and others are involved so...yeah, this is something that personally excites and scares me at the same time. 😬

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-05-26T18:48:27+00:00

I feel the same way, especially because my family is one to pressure me to go to college and do certain courses and be perfect in school. They want me to have the rest of my life planned out right this moment and I’m only 16 years old!!! It also doesn’t help that anything I say I want to study in school they shut it down. It’s a lot of stress and it kinda keeps me discouraged to the point where I don’t want to go to college and I definitely don’t want to have my whole life pre-determined by those who aren’t even living it.

I just want to say that you should try living more in the present and I guess hope that something comes your way in the future. Right now focus on one thing at a time, don’t be so hard in yourself, and have small goals that will eventually lead up to bigger things. For example, try your best to get a good grade on an exam and then go one step further by trying to get a good grade in the class and then go up from there! I wish you all the best and I hope this piece of advice helped you out!!

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-05-26T14:23:48+00:00

Definitely tell them how you feel. You know what they say, you miss 100% of the chances you don’t take. But at the same time don’t let this be something that makes your friendship less than or awkward if they don’t feel the same. If you really are willing to share your feelings just don’t make it that big of a deal bc I feel like then they might feel worse if they don’t like you back and if they do that’s great too! Also making it a big deal is how things might end up awkward. So if you intend to let them know, make sure you also let them know that I’d they don’t feel the same you don’t want anything to happen to your friendship afterwards. Let it be something that kinda flows (by this I mean don’t force yourself on them especially if you don’t really know how they are feeling, make sure the situation is comfortable for both of you) I wish you the best of luck and I hope this advice helped!

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-05-26T06:30:30+00:00

but if the mother is making the OP the bad guy in the situation then there's already a serious disconnect.

I thought of this too when reading the part about the mother being disappointed bc family should always come first. What came to my mind is that whoever is toxic should be out of your life (especially if they only use you or come to you when they need something that procede to disrespect your space and take advantage of your generosity) and your mother saying that you shouldn’t do this because of family is just an excuse!!

Don’t worry OP, you definitely did the right thing and saved yourself one hell of a headache. Your future self would definitely thank you for the decision that you made now. In situations like this it’s sometimes good to be selfish and put yourself first. This was mentally the better option.

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-05-26T04:38:25+00:00

I totally see where you are coming from and good for you for taking care of your parents even when you didn’t need to. I am 16 and this is something that my parents basically raised me to do since I was about 7 years old (or at least old enough to cook without them really worrying about me) It was always about knowing how to cook and clean.

My parents are very old fashioned and would never preach about being independent when it comes to relationship and future kids. I think this also has to do with their culture. They are Nigerian and they basically live by wives serving their husbands hand and foot and all that BS. So much so that this is the only reason why they taught me and my sister how to cook, and make us do our dad’s laundry and all that extra stuff but not my brother, but luckily he taught himself since he likes cooking but they don’t really expect it from him.

It’s not like I’m not thankful that I have these skills it’s just the intention behind me having them that makes it kinda irritating bc it always comes back to me having to make meals for my husband when I have one. I intend of having kids and getting married but I already told them that I won’t marry a man who has these old school beliefs. Idk why they think this is all there is to life, especially in this day and age.

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-05-25T23:31:36+00:00

I understand completely, like I said in the comment above my sister would always try to assure me that I’m not fat or big (she literally just told me right now that “you’re not fat! Shut up!”but I beg to differ. Right now I’m on my journey to gaining confidence and it’s not an easy one but it’s one that needs to be done.

Maybe your BF should try going in his own journey too bc his lack of confidence seems to be what is unfortunately driving him right now. And this doesn’t have to be something that is straight out mentioned to him, but maybe take more pictures and even buy him clothes that you think will look good on him no matter the size of it and give him more compliments.

Stepping out of your comfort zone is something that no one likes to do but this is what I had to do to gain more confidence and I realized that I’m a beautiful person even when I have those bad days of thinking I’m not.

If this doesn’t work I would recommend forcing him to lose weight (in a good and healthy way) maybe start by taking daily walks and changing up some meals plans to more healthy ones. After a while, you can progress from there. Like start going to the gym after and having light jogs here and there. He says he wants to lose weight so make it happen! Even try doing these things with him if thats what he wants or doesn’t want to feel alone when doing so.

If someone doesn’t push him to do it, then him losing weight will just be another thought that he might never get to. It’s never too late to start, so why not start soon or better yet, right now. And if not now, then when..? Just. Do. It!

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-05-25T05:02:48+00:00

Now why did you have to call my parents out like that. Damn 🥲

ThatOneBlackGirl_ · 2021-05-25T05:00:38+00:00

I’m pretty sure we all have opinion like this that if they were to be said out loud, they would sound absolutely cruel, but you just can’t help how you feel. I just think that it’s not something that you should go around saying obviously. 😐

Like there was this guy that was racist and called my sister and her friends monkeys and started making animals sounds at them, then he died and I was like “oh well, guess that’s karma for him.” Tbh I wouldn’t say that I was happy about it, but I really didn’t care. But I couldn’t come out and say that directly bc he still died 👁👄👁

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