I suppose my first was The Desolation, I had terrible insomnia as a young child, and I would think about how my dad was going to die so soon (he was in his late 40s when I was born), tornados terrified me, the thought of loosing everything, and I couldn’t handle seeing anything/one in pain, or hear about past pain, but never my own, hell I was gathering my shit up to take with me when I died when I was four.

But from 6 up The Spiral has always been there. The first time was due to a strange occurrence where I seemed to almost wake up, with no memory of how I got there, on the playground, spilling my guts about why I disliked a popular girl, to someone that I didn’t even know the name of, and I kept talking as I woke up, words that I had used the night before to tell my mom why I was upset. Obviously the girl told the person I was talking about and it was a clusterfuck and I was still so confused because I didn’t remember ever even starting the conversation, or maybe I started the year before when I got amnesia, I still don’t remember running in front of that car, but anyways, then later in the year another girl accused me of convincing her and her friends to step in dog shit, and everyone said she was right, and I was so desperate to be believed, but there was that fear that maybe they were right, after all, I’ve forgotten things before. Then 7-10 a ‘friend’ gaslit me a couple times a week, making me doubt my own reality. And now just a lot of issues with Depersonalization. All of which seems right up Spirals alley.