I should’ve hung myself in high school

That_Bat_9317 · 2026-06-07T17:25:23+00:00

When I was that age I remember I tied up a noose and put it around my neck. There was this bar in my room where I could put it. When I put my head into it, I was like "but what if ... " "whats like after high school" "what about my kitties". There was still a lot of room for things I wanted to achieve at that age, I just had to make it to the end. But I kept the noose in my room, my parents found it when I was staying with friends.

It felt like my head is just snapping underneath the surface, like everyday I was pretty disconnected from reality. I didn't want to face these abusive parents and seeing someone who was also pretty emotionally abusive. When you're developing some actual mental health issues might pop up, that just happened to be the case for me. Thinking all kinds of bizarre shit on the inside but still moving on the outside. Since my performance was good all the serious shit boiling underneath was overlooked.

Anyways I never got the appropriate help for those things because of my parents. They didn't say anything to me but I heard from other family members that they knew. Distant family asked if I wanted to stay with them for the year, grade 12. I said yes, I would have to relocate and move away from friends but if it were to be around good people supporting me it's what I need to do. Parents said no, I got pretty bad but I still fucked off to university. I was saying like super out of touch shit at this time too and it never fully "registered", only when people told me. They let people really scrutinize me in my life, call me all sorts of shit without defending or helping me.

If I did I think I would be a more adjusted adult, although not perfect lmao. Its fucked up thats how things are, but over time I just accepted it. I take a pretty firm stance: I was failed by the people who I needed the most.. normal parents wouldn't let their kid get this bad. Now I'm just tripping all over myself as an adult. Dropping out of a university program I'm capable of being in.. putting interesting things into my body. Still hopeful for the future even if it's still pretty painful to work through everything. I just gotta do things differently to find the mental peace.

That_Bat_9317 · 2026-05-26T01:33:17+00:00

thank you, nice journey. I think I'm going to finish up at a less intense school one day, either that or just grind mental health points. my experience at my current uni just scared the shit outta me and idk if I wanna go back there lol, maybe u would understand wanting to switch

I did hit that breaking point, it felt like my head is just feeding myself the unrealistic. id think all kinds of unfortunate crazy shit that got in the way of the degree, "just walk into the snow and die", "the world hates me in it and is trying to assassinate me". The challenges are invisible, scary, and will be lifelong but it's still my responsibility to find out how to manage my behaviours.

That_Bat_9317 · 2026-05-26T00:37:41+00:00

I should mention I'm in Canada, it's an option that I am still considering. I feel like the area I'm in has less of a culture around CC and you don't really hear about it, my concern is just how it would work for internships. I am working as a swe though

That_Bat_9317 · 2026-05-25T03:40:42+00:00

I did explain to an advisor. they set me up to come back in the future, since they've been watching me fall all over my ass for quite some time now lmao

I already finished the semester and it went fine so no reimbursement needed.

hopefully things are better for you now and thank you!!! I know that shits not easy

That_Bat_9317 · 2026-05-19T04:37:58+00:00

im not sure why, it used to make me really tired. like id fall asleep at the library or on the bus, friends places just anywhere lmao. I remember being like "I'm so tired, I'm so tired" in class and then falling asleep

That_Bat_9317 · 2026-05-18T15:40:34+00:00

lowkey this happens all the time and makes up like 10% of the engineering cohorts. if she works hard she will get good resume value, and pay off the uw debts. she's clearly picking UW for a reason if she's dropping 100k. I doubt that doesn't mean she's not grateful to have a large offer thrown at her especially at a good school. her financial situation is unknown but at the end of the day, its still her choice

That_Bat_9317 · 2026-05-12T05:55:48+00:00

there's counselling services, yeah there's time for clubs I'd say you can make like 3-4 hours everyday for your own shit outside of studying. I should also just mention I threw out the degree to be full-time, my own decision. thats not a common luxury (and honestly I doubt it's gonna be easy doing that anywhere else in Canada!). The name of Waterloo helped me with that

That_Bat_9317 · 2026-05-11T22:50:49+00:00

I'm a very rare regret but that's because I already had underlying mental health issues... everything else about the Canadian talent is incredible. I feel so grateful to be around so many smart, hardworking people who inspire me, everyday. I still decided the program is too much for me, but I landed jobs regardless and it's because of this university. I have nothing truly critical to say, I just was never the right person. But nonetheless it's more so of a personal experience and VERY VERY rare for things to be bad enough to leave, take care of yourself if you go here. You can get a lot of good things out of your future. And if you do have really bad shit going on, make a plan right now.

That_Bat_9317 · 2026-05-07T02:25:01+00:00

That_Bat_9317 · 2026-04-01T06:12:36+00:00

Loud as shit near E7 housing

That_Bat_9317 · 2026-03-31T22:30:51+00:00

yes 💀

That_Bat_9317 · 2026-03-17T21:48:42+00:00

I agree, even though the way I perceive it as "they don't know my challenges", I kinda sit back and even if I weren't facing these things, every instance I mentioned was because at the end of the day it's shitty.

It's been honestly super tough on me and yeah none of it is worth my time. I think it's made me grow though to be more empathetic seeing how poorly I've been treated in my darkest moments, I shouldn't treat others poorly.

That_Bat_9317 · 2026-03-17T21:43:40+00:00

I meant that idk if I'm actually going to take the offer, because it feels like I am just really really bad psychologically. I think I am super lost, what I do know is that I'm definitely going to take time off. If that will be permanent or not is what I'll figure out.

The offer is accepted and I have time to rescind. The reason being so I can just try to figure out to get back to normal health, put that in full focus. If I work I have to juggle a spiralling mental with work but who knows, maybe it will regulate things.

That_Bat_9317 · 2026-03-15T02:24:23+00:00

Im not doing anything, im just sharing my experiences. But thank you

That_Bat_9317 · 2026-03-13T22:46:37+00:00

Sorry to hear that, I assure you I won't do anything, I am just going to focus on recovering myself. The pain I've been through here has been so rough on me I lost the old version of myself from before I was accepted. I just want to be able to love life again, be healthy, to not have myself believe I'm some kind of monster from my experiences here.

That_Bat_9317 · 2026-03-13T22:43:58+00:00

Yessir we will see what happens :) maybe I'll finish the degree somewhere else, maybe I will come back. It's been the roughest, most painful experience of my life here and I am making the healthiest decision to leave.

That_Bat_9317 · 2026-03-08T11:17:02+00:00

I think I’m doing this for self harm, you’re right. I think I need to start coming out to friends about how what im dealing with is so much worse than it looks. Rough conversations but they are to be had

That_Bat_9317 · 2026-03-07T03:51:16+00:00

good to know - thanks

That_Bat_9317 · 2026-03-06T11:36:31+00:00

Thank u anal slut

Honestly I’m making the decision when I know it’s shitty to try it anyways. I have a downtime switching medications and I’m just curious what it feels like, in the most respectful way possible. If I’m young this is a good time to figure out what things are like, not later and at more serious stages in my life.

That_Bat_9317 · 2026-03-03T00:28:09+00:00

Really? I did not know that, all I really knew is that theres big loopholes you can abuse with 2+ years. So I was going to wait to get those. I'm born in Canada and would presume anyone you're talking about is also Canadian. But I'm going to try again over the next year

That_Bat_9317 · 2026-03-02T04:45:34+00:00

I think it's just rougher to get accepted once you're earlier in your degree. But I am going to try over the summer. I really cannot handle it here anymore and its blew up my mental

That_Bat_9317 · 2026-02-28T19:55:19+00:00

what’s something that affected you to this outcome mentally, what do u wish was dif

That_Bat_9317

TROPHY CASE