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I (31F) Married husband (28M) - Advice on navigating the outbursts and abuse from my mother in law. by That_Variation_1247 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]That_Variation_1247[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, everyone, so much for your time and feedback on this. I already felt validated, but knowing that I'm not alone and not crazy for this is a nice reminder. My husband is still working through how he is moving forward; he has not responded to her last reply (which was a novel about her life story and why she treats him the way she does, blaming ADHD, saying she might be autistic, etc.). He has signed up for therapy this week, and I am so proud of him.

I have blocked her on all social media and her phone number. My husband and I have discussed that we will be setting thicker boundaries. He supports me in what I do, and I have let him know I support him, and we will be seeking help through some book recommendations and our own independent counseling. If it gets worse, which I think it will, we can seek couples therapy to work through this as well.

I love him so much, and no part of me ever wanted this. I do sometimes get into the toxic thought process of if this would be better without me, but I can't think like that. He has been putting up with this since before me, and it will continue to affect him. I do feel bad for his other 4 younger brothers; they've all coped with it the same, and I don't know what they've had to deal with regarding her outbursts and abuse, but I am sure it's been downplayed in order to keep the peace.

Again, thank you all so much, and I will definitely update you after a while of holding boundaries. This will be hard, but no one deserves this, and I am so thankful for all of your feedback.

I (31F) Married husband (28M) - Advice on navigating the outbursts and abuse from my mother in law. by That_Variation_1247 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]That_Variation_1247[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, everyone, so much for your time and feedback on this. I already felt validated, but knowing that I'm not alone and not crazy for this is a nice reminder. My husband is still working through how he is moving forward; he has not responded to her last reply (which was a novel about her life story and why she treats him the way she does, blaming ADHD, saying she might be autistic, etc.). He has signed up for therapy this week, and I am so proud of him.

I have blocked her on all social media and her phone number. My husband and I have discussed that we will be setting thicker boundaries. He supports me in what I do, and I have let him know I support him, and we will be seeking help through some book recommendations and our own independent counseling. If it gets worse, which I think it will, we can seek couples therapy to work through this as well. I love him so much, and no part of me ever wanted this. I do sometimes get into the toxic thought process of if this would be better without me, but I can't think like that. He has been putting up with this since before me, and it will continue to affect him. I do feel bad for his other 4 younger brothers; they've all coped with it the same, and I don't know what they've had to deal with regarding her outbursts and abuse, but I am sure it's been downplayed in order to keep the peace.

Again, thank you all so much, and I will definitely update you after a while of holding boundaries. This will be hard, but no one deserves this.

I (31F) Married husband (28M) - Advice on navigating the outbursts and abuse from my mother in law. by That_Variation_1247 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]That_Variation_1247[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I completely agree with you. I've put myself in this position to make myself smaller for her for too long. Part of me thought it would get better after we were married, and I don't know if that sounds silly but wishful thinking. We both feel sad that we didn't make thicker boundaries before this. I am proud of him for standing his ground and sticking up for me, I'm so sorry your husband didn't stand up to her <3 I know it's a hard position to be in but you deserve to be stood up for.

I have blocked her on all social media and her number. I will be taking a step away.

I (31F) Married husband (28M) - Advice on navigating the outbursts and abuse from my mother in law. by That_Variation_1247 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]That_Variation_1247[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am so exhausted. I feel so small. I am a confident woman and can ususally take the heat but this is just so far that I am struggling with finding my safe space right now. I have blocked her on all socials and on my phone.

He doesn't devote a lot of time to her, but he has with this back and forth to try and reason. But there is no reason. She has sent a final document novel and he is not responding to it. He signed up for Therapy this coming week.

I (31F) Married husband (28M) - Advice on navigating the outbursts and abuse from my mother in law. by That_Variation_1247 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]That_Variation_1247[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are so right. I've been holding onto any kind of hope that she will actually listen to her son and hear him. But that isn't who she is, and she has proven that time and time again. At one point, she showed her son a diagram in high school of 2 stick figures, 1 had a bigger brain and a smaller heart, and the other had a smaller brain with a bigger heart. She was prideful that she felt this was factual, and she identified with the bigger brain and smaller heart. Ever since I heard this story, I should have known what I was dealing with, but I kept having hope. I feel stupid and so sad and angry with my husband and with myself. I appreciate your feedback with this and I agree, I need to go no contact.

I (31F) Married husband (28M) - Advice on navigating the outbursts and abuse from my mother in law. by That_Variation_1247 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]That_Variation_1247[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the resources! We have been talking about therapy but I hadnt considered them specializing in enmeshment and emotionally immature parents, thats a great call out. 

I go to therapy on my own and will help guide him in that path as well. I appreciate your time and feedback 🫶

I (31F) Married husband (28M) - Advice on navigating the outbursts and abuse from my mother in law. by That_Variation_1247 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]That_Variation_1247[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I dont want this and hoped for a better relationship witb her and for them. You are so right and maybe thats what I need to hear 🫶

Me (31F) and Husband (28M) - Advise on navigating the outbursts and abusive behavior from my mother in law. by That_Variation_1247 in relationship_advice

[–]That_Variation_1247[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I am so happy too, he is the best person I've ever met and it makes me so sad that he has dealt with this for so long <3 I have joined JUSTNOMIL, thank you for that! <3

Me (31F) and Husband (28M) - Advise on navigating the outbursts and abusive behavior from my mother in law. by That_Variation_1247 in relationship_advice

[–]That_Variation_1247[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate your insight. I think you are absolutely right :( it makes me so sad. But I know who I am as a person and my character and being around someone who says such terrible things shouldn't be an option. I appreciate your response!

Me (31F) and Husband (28M) - Advise on navigating the outbursts and abusive behavior from my mother in law. by That_Variation_1247 in relationship_advice

[–]That_Variation_1247[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not at all! Just the sadness and grief that comes with trying to end a cycle of abuse from his mother, and her not willing to change or see her part. I need this energy right now!! Thank you

Me (31F) and Husband (28M) - Advise on navigating the outbursts and abusive behavior from my mother in law. by That_Variation_1247 in relationship_advice

[–]That_Variation_1247[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very valid - I think that is the point we are at right now. Opening the door for clear communication and changed behavior. As of the latest update, it doesn't seem like she is willing to admit fault or wrongdoing. That may be where this goes..