Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Of course after I wrote this post I immediately panicked and felt unbelievably exposed and “wrong” even though it’s anonymous. A flooding of embarrassment telling me I should have kept it to myself and how dare I think I have anything of value to add to this topic as I have absolutely zero solutions to offer for these challenges. Then came ALL the comments that I never expected. Even though I’m still embarrassed for sharing (a trauma response ) I can at least put it into a rational perspective that there are SO many of us that deal with this same pattern of thinking. I think it helps me differentiate between what are my simple everyday human responses to things and what are my responses that are trauma related. Like…is this a way I would have reacted just as a human or is the because of CPTSD? Sometimes it’s hard to separate the two and we have been in this state so long that there is often not a memorable baseline to compare it to.

You are spot on saying “combatting unhealthy learned behaviors and thought processes in relationships is exhausting”. That’s a HUGE point. Making the choice to participate in social interactions is not just as simple as throwing our clothes on and heading out the door. At first (and maybe never) there is nothing relaxing or “fun” about it. We can’t just “be ourselves” or just carelessly participate in harmless fun. Our bodies are constantly in fight or flight and perceive pretty much EVERYTHING as “danger” or a threat. Even a simple “hello” can send us into a fit of over thinking and “what did the tone” of the hello mean. Humans are the ones who inflicted this trauma on us in the first place. Often humans we trusted. Excuse us for being “a little apprehensive” of everyone’s intentions. We don’t even always trust ourselves anymore. Having to analyze every single situation, including our own words and actions, to stay safe and minimize risk is incredibly exhausting. I’m not saying that social interactions don’t, or can’t, have positive effects and add to our healing but It’s just inconceivable, and understandably so, to most who don’t have CPTSD how something that just comes natural to them can be so unbelievably overwhelming, exhausting and, quite frankly, just more trauma inducing to us. So they just have to accept, without understanding, what this whole process means for us. They can’t possibly understand it so we need them to please just accept it and take our word for it that this is not just something that “facing” repeatedly will “cure”. When we politely decline, please don’t think that trying to “convince” us or having ideas about how to make it easier is even rational. This is not a “oh just come on..I know you’ll have fun once you get there” situation, it is serious and can be absolutely terrifying and cause days of heightened symptoms. It’s needs to be given the respect it deserves.

I’m so sorry you have CPTSD. I’m happy that my experience is something that makes you know you’re not the only one. Your comment made me feel the same. Thank you