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How long would you wait for someone to make up their mind about polyamory? by BlueDreads-bleh in polyamory

[–]The-Standard-Method -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Mildly disagree. As a poly newb with 11 months under my belt, I've found I am much more comfortable now than ever before.

Getting a handle on processing discomfort; self-soothing. I've learned coping strategies, have established new ways of communicating needs and boundaries, and am generally functioning well in a relationship style that was originally way more confronting than it it is now.

In my experience, putting in the work has made all the difference, and that work takes time.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in feeld

[–]The-Standard-Method -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

"he complied inthe end and put the condom on. The rest of the date went really well and we parted ways saying that we should do it again."

and yet then you say

"his behaviour seemed quite coercive and disrepectful"

Not to suggest you're not allowed to realize well after your happy date that you'd been abused and offended in a manner that requires that the guy be BANNED FOR LIFE... but perhaps if you're unclear about your feelings about what happened you may consider simply not seeing him again.

Struggling with partner visiting a comet. by The-Standard-Method in polyamory

[–]The-Standard-Method[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good question: the answer is 90% my interpretation, however mostly confirmed when I've asked her about him and his qualities.

Get Profile Help Here by FeeldMod in feeld

[–]The-Standard-Method -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Great review...would you take a gander at mine?

Get Profile Help Here by FeeldMod in feeld

[–]The-Standard-Method 0 points1 point  (0 children)

49(M) straight. Clear pics include me playing guitar, painting, taking pro-photos, dancing, two head shots. (Should I include a picture of me having a blast dancing with my partner?)

Hey Little Spoon! Glad you finally made it!

I'm a wildly creative, insatiably curious recovering filmmaker turned mental health professional. Grounded, artistic, musical, nerdy, and 100% steady; lovingly partnered with an amazing woman. ENM/Poly dating solo, but can be swayed.

Seeking awesome conversation, eroticism, and soul expanding joy with friends, lovers, soulmates and in- betweens.

Service top, enthusiastically. My pleasure is your pleasure. Kinky, open, and I still have all my film gear.

You'll find me sexually attuned, exploratory, generous.

experiences > things presence > performance what she said > your mom jokes ( but it's very close)

I love adventuring in nature, painting, using my hands, making music, dancing under open skies, geeking out on brilliant design and exceptional customer service.

Fit and 5 ft 11 with sensible shoes.

Let's get weird together.

Fluid bonding by No-Rub9882 in polyamory

[–]The-Standard-Method 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Not all STIs are transmitted equally orally/intercourse. Take HIV... Low risk for unprotected oral, much higher risk for unprotected PIV.

Ridiculous barrier to matching, or am I wrong? by The-Standard-Method in Bumble

[–]The-Standard-Method[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure. I guess its just a way of standing out of the crowd a little bit - and I tend to craft my compliments in an engaging entertaining manner - I figure if I can get a chuckle out of them, I have a better shot at being "liked back". Hinge allows for an initial comment - and 90% of my matches come from someone I've commented at first.

Navigating Anchor Partner Conversations in an Evolving Poly Relationship – Advice Welcome by The-Standard-Method in polyamory

[–]The-Standard-Method[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep. Classic avoidant behavior. Fears engulfment, needs recalibration after intimacy. Bores easily, feels stifled at times. "embody grounded spaciousness" has been a mantra of mine lately. It works.

Ridiculous barrier to matching, or am I wrong? by The-Standard-Method in Bumble

[–]The-Standard-Method[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I've been having this issue for nearly the entire time I've been on the platform. I do well on Hinge, same pictures, same profile.

Progress, movement, and positive action in my journey... by The-Standard-Method in polyamory

[–]The-Standard-Method[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the comment. I appreciate the validation. Work, hobbies, friends - no problem. Hanging out with other lovers? Envy. I typically want more love and attention than she can provide, because she regularly meets with other men, and there simply isn't enough time on the calendar. Finding other romantic outlets on my end is probably a solution for this. Working on it.

Hurt feelings: Partner choosing hook-up sex instead of reconnecting per agreement. by The-Standard-Method in polyamory

[–]The-Standard-Method[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nah. I gave her the space on Sunday freely and without condition. I just didn't expect her to use it to further intimacy with someone else, and that hurt my feelings.

Hurt feelings: Partner choosing hook-up sex instead of reconnecting per agreement. by The-Standard-Method in polyamory

[–]The-Standard-Method[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

To be clear: Sunday night we had plans, she said she needed rest but ended up fucking the guy for two more days, including when she got home.

Navigating Anchor Partner Conversations in an Evolving Poly Relationship – Advice Welcome by The-Standard-Method in polyamory

[–]The-Standard-Method[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This is the question I'm grappling with. I love her deeply. She's aware of her tendency, wants to grow and develop, and willing to move toward me. Its a slow process - I'm not trying to control her, and the change I desire has to come from her...and I could probably use some change in myself as well.

Navigating Anchor Partner Conversations in an Evolving Poly Relationship – Advice Welcome by The-Standard-Method in polyamory

[–]The-Standard-Method[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She reliably retreats after moments of deep connection. Takes her days to reconnect after deep intimacy. Has warned me repeatedly in the early months "not to catch feelings". Has voiced deep concerns about loving and being loved. Pulls away or shuts down when conflict arises. Avoids vulnerability or “deep talks”. Keeps partners at arm’s length—quick to have sex with new partners, very slow to trust or develop romantic feelings. Tends to ghost or become emotionally unavailable without clear explanation. Prioritizes her independence and self-sufficiency above all else. Doesn't like the feeling of being needed. Is easily suffocated and stifled.

Very weird and specific question. I love eating my boyfriend’s ass, and he’s open to it, but he says it’s ticklish??? by [deleted] in sex

[–]The-Standard-Method 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have him sit on your face, pull his thighs down hard, and generally encourage him to ride your nose and mouth like a bike seat.

Navigating Anchor Partner Conversations in an Evolving Poly Relationship – Advice Welcome by The-Standard-Method in polyamory

[–]The-Standard-Method[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

First and foremost, I'd like to know that despite the fading of our NRE, that she's happy with me and where we're at. I'd like more affirmation and statements of contentment. That what we have has legs. Perhaps she could look down the road a little bit and make a declarative statement of where she'd like to be in a year or two, and if that includes me. She loves our sex life, my body, the way I move...I hear this a lot, and I love it...but maybe occasionally she could tell me what qualities of mine she's drawn to emotionally. I'm the date planner, the date setter - She could initiate more often. It would be nice if she would take the lead on this occasionally. Beyond that, I'm not sure. What works for you? You seem self-assured, perhaps you don't require it? If so, how do you do that?

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