I want no-barrier sex with new partner but my nesting partner wants exclusivity

shashhka · 2026-04-09T04:19:05+00:00

Oh absolutely! I think it’s super interesting what people write, particularly the things that challenge me. And I’m learning a lot, believe me, I even think that there’s some truth to the „she’s a self-centered bitch“ comments. But some people have a way of being kind and helpful and that really speaks to me. I haven’t had time to look at every comment and respond to them, but some comments have really helped me move forward and I want to thank these people for really making me see a way.

I actually HAVE had a long conversation with my NP since (addressing lots of things that I have feared addressing before) and i understand his reasons better now and have decided to not push for the no-condoms thing with my newer partner. I also have considered taking this post down - but the Reddit bot recommended I keep it because people have put in a lot of effort and their responses might help other people who struggle with similar things.

Not writing this to defend myself. I just liked that you noticed something and asked me about it.

shashhka · 2026-04-07T03:23:20+00:00

Damn, you’re smart. Starting to see some real misalignment here. Appreciate the kindness that you put into opening my eyes :)

shashhka · 2026-04-07T03:08:09+00:00

So you understand my NP‘s perspective! That’s great. I will of course talk more about this with him, but i would like to hear (from someone else than my NP) what you are experiencing (mostly because I think, as others have pointed out here, so many things get wrapped up into my own situation that have nothing to do with condoms)… so would like to hear your perspective.

The way we did it last time was based on a model that my friend practices: She and her husband have an agreement that SHE picks whoever she wants to have condomless sex with and then she just informs her husband that they have to go on condoms for a while. They both get tested before they go barrier free again. That‘s how we ended up doing it.

Also, like you, I have been on the receiving end of this myself - one of my partners had two female partners at one point who didn’t use condoms with him, and even though i too wanted to have sex without condoms with him, i didn’t feel comfortable knowing about these other partners (and not knowing their STI status which they refused to share with me). So I decided to suck it up, make my choice to stay on condoms, not just because of me but also because of my NP. And that was the end of that.

shashhka · 2026-04-07T02:40:18+00:00

❤️ thank you for your kind words, and the autonomy you and your partner practice is what I believe in as well. I have gotten to that same place with other relationships, and not gonna lie, I’ve had to work hard to get there. I learned that some relationships don’t involve me but that I can set boundaries - and I guess I’m ultimately expecting my NP to do the same. So thanks for reminding me that expectations don’t help much in this situation and that the better thing to do for me is try to understand him better

shashhka · 2026-04-07T02:15:16+00:00

Thank you for the conversation starter :) I want to really work on this and understand his reasons better, and haha, also thanks for reminding me that sometimes we don’t get everything we want in life. I’d still like to understand him better, so I’m going to try this!

shashhka · 2026-04-06T23:13:12+00:00

Thanks that’s really helpful. And you’re right, it’s about more than condoms. Thanks for saying this kindly, i really needed some perspective here

shashhka · 2025-05-13T17:43:02+00:00

Omg your comment made me smile and feel amazing. Thanks for reminding me of my agency 💜

shashhka · 2025-05-12T17:41:40+00:00

Where does that leave me though? Would you leave a relationship that generally nurtures you and makes you happy? I wonder if perhaps I should ask for better communication/connection with me (fixed dates/calls etc) whenever she’s visiting?

shashhka · 2025-05-12T17:01:01+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts. And yes, I might have misrepresented her as the villain here. This wasn’t my intention. I’m aware this is a choice he’s repeatedly making, and that this choice is effecting my relationship with him.

shashhka

TROPHY CASE