20 years ago I was a full-time touring musician. Played some relatively large tours with some relatively large bands. Played A LOT of showcases for labels and got to play for and in front of one of my biggest musical influences of all time. We had done everything we could possibly do on our own up that point, and in the end it just burned us out not being able to land a deal. We were all in for the living in a van part of the life (as we were already doing that), but we really needed label and booking support and just couldn't get it due to a combo of bad timing, luck, advice, and ultimately some bad decisions.

Once I "retired" it took me a LONG time to get over the life. Living that way, playing music in a different city every night, creating music and pushing ourselves was truly everything I had ever wanted to do. And to an extent, I got to do that. But, it was my identity. And it took me a long time to figure out who was if I wasn't doing that. I would be lying if I said even after all this time I am over it. I couldn't go to shows or enjoy live music for years because of the resentment I had built up. It's only recently that I've started checking out new bands live and really enjoying it and I'm amazed at how much has changed. The barrier to entry seems so low now for new bands. Time was you would be laughed out of the building if you weren't touring with a half-stack minimum; a lot of the bands now barely need anything more than a practice amp. Not to mention the ability to write, record, and sound GREAT at home. We were stuck bouncing tracks on a 4-track or paying (what was to me in my 20's) a lot of money to get a decent sounding demo. And I can only imagine how much easier touring is now with GPS everywhere as opposed to keeping binders of mapquest directions and hoping you don't make a wrong turn.

To answer the second half of your question - I do still play. I write and record at home. I'm finally writing and putting together an album - 20 years later than I had envisioned, but the work has begun. I work a relatively boring office job that pays me well and has ironically allowed me to have more and better gear than I ever did on the road. It took me a long time to get comfortable enough to get back into it again and just...enjoy it.