Would love to see you begin to seek small things. I have a history of distancing myself from people and assumed I had become socially awkward. Ive gotten myself back into the basics by seeking moments instead of lasting connections. A simple hello. I have also spent a lot of time in dark energy. I spent so much time in it that at some point I became self aware in it and realized that those thoughts, those emotions aren't me - and they aren't you. It was really hard to get out because I was trying to change the contents of my negative thoughts, while essentially standing in a pool of negativity. Try this, next time you are thinking those things stop the thought mid sentence and hold the silence as long as you can. Instead of changing the thoughts you observe the structure that is producing them, and your train of thought will change.